10+ Best Tips For Pallbearers - Love Lives On

Have you ever wondered why people who carry the casket at a funeral are called “pallbearers”?Why aren’t they called “casket bearers” instead?

This Pallbearers Ultimate Guide will cover everything you need to know about pallbearers, including the types of pallbearers, their duties, whom to select, the procedures pallbearers typically follow on the day of the funeral, tips on how best to carry the casket or coffin, and how to thank pallbearers for their service.

(We even throw in a little history behind pallbearing for those that are curious…)

Whether you have been tasked with selecting pallbearers for a loved one’s funeral, or asked to serve as a pallbearer, we have the answers to all your questions.

Table of Contents:

• Introduction
• Definition of a Pallbearer
• Responsibilities of Pallbearers
• How to Choose Pallbearers
• The Pallbearer Procession
• Tips for First-Time Pallbearers
• Commonly-Asked Questions About Pallbearing
• Thank You Notes for Pallbearers
• Conclusion

Let’s get started…

History of Pallbearing

Today, the term ‘pallbearer’ refers to a person that helps carry the coffin or casket of the deceased.

Pallbearers have a long history dating all the way back to ancient Rome.

When a Roman died, his cloak or “pallium” was draped over his body or coffin while it was carried from his home to the cemetery on the shoulders of strong men.

By the medieval period, the term “pallium” was shortened to “pall”.The “pall” was used by wealthy families to cover the coffin during a church funeral.

The pall was rectangular in shape and highly decorative, often bearing an elaborate coat of arms, and made from expensive fabric like silk or velvet.

The pall was considered to be so valuable that servants were assigned to guard and carry the cloth itself, but not the casket.

During the procession, the casket was carried by entirely different people, while the pallbearers walked solemnly beside it, solely focused on protecting the expensive fabric.

Over time, the role of pallbearer evolved from guarding an expensive piece of cloth to symbolically escorting the deceased.

By the Victorian era, wealthy families in England would hire professional pallbearers — often distinguished-looking men dressed in formal black uniforms — whose sole job was to project status and solemnity during a funeral procession.

These men had to walk at a perfectly measured, synchronized pace. They were also trained to maintain eye contact with mourning family members without ever showing emotion.

Their presence wasn’t just practical — it was a social signal. The more elaborate and composed the pallbearers, the more prestigious the funeral was considered.

Definition of a Pallbearer

Today, a pallbearer is a person who is given the honour of either escorting or carrying a casket during a funeral service, meaning that this role may be either be strictly ceremonial or it may also be one requiring physical labour as well.

The terms “pallbearer” and “casket bearer” are sometimes used interchangeably in modern North America, but in certain traditions casket bearer strictly refers to those physically carrying the casket, while pallbearer may include those walking beside it in escort.

Given that the role carries strong symbolic meaning — representing dignity, farewell, and a final act of service to the deceased — it is often entrusted to close family or respected friends.

The role itself can look different depending on the type of funeral.

In religious services, the act is often highly ceremonial. For example, in Christian funerals, pallbearers may walk the casket into the church as part of the procession, while in Catholic tradition they escort it to the gravesite for final committal prayers.

In cultural or ethnic funerals, rituals can vary widely. For example, some African, Asian, or Caribbean traditions incorporate music or deeply choreographed movement.

In secular or non-religious funerals, the role is less ritualized but equally meaningful, focusing on honouring the individual with dignity and personal respect, often guided by the family’s wishes rather than doctrine.

Palls — i.e. the cloth covering the casket — are also still used in funeral services today, particularly in religious services.

In Christian traditions, the pall is used to symbolize two things: first, it symbolizes the clothes worn during baptism; and second, it symbolizes that all are equal in the sight of God (since the pall covers all caskets completely).

In the Jewish tradition, the casket is also covered completely by a pall, which is a specially prepared cloth.

In military and State funerals, the national flag is draped over the casket as a pall.Strict and formal etiquette governs how the flag is placed.

For example, in US military funerals, the canton should be draped over the upper left corner of the casket. The flag is then removed after the funeral service, immediately before the casket is lowered into the grave.

Responsibilities of Pallbearers at a Funeral Service

Pallbearers are appropriate at traditional and religious funerals because of the presence of a casket.

Normally, six people are required to carry a standard-sized adult casket (three on each side).

However, depending on circumstances such as weight concerns or awkward stairs at the church, more people may be required to ensure that the casket is transported safely.

Some caskets have an additional handle on the front and back, which makes it easy to have eight pallbearers.

For a child’s casket, less pallbearers are needed.The number will obviously depend on the size of the casket.

Most funeral directors will confirm the number of pallbearers available the day before the funeral service to ensure a sufficient number.

If a family cannot secure enough pallbearers, the funeral home will normally make provisions for its staff to step in and perform this service.

At a funeral service, there can also be “honorary pallbearers.” These are people who escort the casket, but do not actually carry the casket.

They can walk in front of, beside, or behind the casket. They may even form a line of honour guards at the conclusion of the funeral service and, or, at the cemetery.

There is no limit to the number of honorary pallbearers that may be chosen. Abraham Lincoln had 22 pallbearers when he died in 1865.

Having honorary pallbearers is appropriate in several different situations. For example, when a person had a close relationship with the deceased, but is physically unable to carry the casket because of age, illness, or lack of physical strength. This includes ill or elderly relatives, as well as children.

Children are especially well suited to acting as flower bearers.

Another example where honorary pallbearers may be used is when it is difficult to choose from a large pool of candidates, given the size of the deceased’s family and friendship group.

Responsibilities of Pallbearers at a Celebration of Life

While there isn’t a casket present at a memorial service or a celebration of life service, the family can still elect to have “honorary pallbearers”.

Ceremonial carrying roles can still be created. For example, if the cremated remains are present, the family of the deceased could ask a person that was special to the deceased to carry the urn.

As another example, honorary pallbearers could carry a picture of the deceased or flowers following the conclusion of the service.

The family could also have “honour guards” who would, for example, flank the entrance into the venue where the service is being held.

Today, there are many options for including people that were close to the deceased in carrying and escorting roles during the ceremony.

How to Choose Pallbearers

Traditionally, men acted as pallbearers because of the strenuous nature of the task.Before motor vehicles became commonplace, caskets often had to be carried many miles from the deceased’s home to the church, funeral home, or cemetery.

Another tradition was that pallbearers were not members of the deceased’s immediate family.The rationale was that close family members needed time to focus on their own grief, rather than being concerned with transporting the deceased’s body.

Today, however, anyone can be a pallbearer.You can be part of the deceased’s immediate family, and you can be a woman or a child.

While there are no longer social expectations surrounding who can and cannot be a pallbearer, there are still four practical considerations: (1) their relationship with the deceased; (2) their availability; (3) whether they are typically punctual; and (4) their physical strength (if lifting the casket is part of their responsibilities).

(1) Relationship with the Deceased

In Western cultures, being asked to perform a role in a funeral service is a great honour that is typically reserved for people that had a close relationship with the deceased.

Siblings, adult children and grandchildren, close friends and colleagues, are all popular choices for pallbearers.

(2) Availability

Pallbearers need to physically present at the funeral.

Confirm first that the people you want as pallbearers, particularly those that live far away, will be attending the funeral before you make your request.

(3) Punctuality

Pallbearers must show up on time so that the funeral service is not unduly delayed.

Be wary of asking people that are perpetually late.(A person that everybody else says would be “late to his own funeral” because he has no regard for time.)

(4) Physical Strength

Carrying a casket is a physically demanding role, even if the weight is distributed among many people.

Pallbearers carry the weight of the deceased person, as well as the weight of the casket itself.

The weight of a standard adult casket is approximately 200 lbs (or 90 kgs).However, a higher-end casket can reach 400 lbs (or 181 kgs) in weight.

The pallbearers may also have to carry the casket up or down a flight of stairs or over uneven terrain.

Given the physically demanding nature of the role, pallbearers chosen for physical lifting of the casket should be able-bodied, without any disqualifying health issues (like heart and back problems).

There should be 6 to 8 people to physically carry the weight of an adult casket. (Less people are required for a child casket.)

People who are unable to physically lift the casket, including children and the elderly, can walk with the casket as honorary pallbearers.

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Carrying the Casket During the Procession

How a casket is carried is dictated by national customs.

For example, in the U.S.A., pallbearers carry a casket by the handles and at waist height.

While in the United Kingdom and Ireland, pallbearers carry the casket on their shoulders—the casket handles are used to help lift the casket out of the hearse or funeral car and to assist in lifting the casket onto the pallbearers’ shoulders.

The funeral director will be able to direct you on the proper way to lift and carry a casket if you are unsure.

Procedures for Pallbearers at a Traditional or Religious Funeral

Each end-of-life ceremony is, of course, unique.Having said that, there are procedures that pallbearers typically follow on the day of a traditional or religious funeral.

Typically, the pallbearers arrive at the funeral home.

They wait outside while the deceased person’s family says their final farewells.

They will usually have an opportunity to speak with a funeral director who will give them instructions regarding the procedures for the day and where to park their vehicles.

Once the family has left, the pallbearers will enter the funeral home to assist with lifting the casket onto a wheeled device called a “church truck”.

They will then roll the casket out of the building to where the hearse (a vehicle designed for transporting caskets) is parked.

The pallbearers will lift the casket together and place it in the back of the hearse.

The pallbearers will then make their way back to their own vehicles for the procession.

If there is a designated pallbearer car, it will travel directly in front or behind the hearse, depending on the funeral director’s instructions.All other cars are behind the designated pallbearer car.

Once the hearse arrives at the place for the funeral service, it parks as close as possible to the entrance.The pallbearers lift the casket from the back of the hearse and carry it to the entrance of the building.

If it is a Christian service, clergy will usually meet the pallbearers at the entrance, along with any honorary pallbearers. The clergy will perform a brief blessing and place the pall (a ceremonial covering) over the casket.

When the procession is ready to move, the music starts.

The pallbearers then carry the casket to the front of the congregation.

However, if the aisle is too narrow, the casket may have to be brought in by the funeral directors using the church truck.

In this case, the pallbearers would walk in front of the casket, two-by-two.If there are any honorary pallbearers, they would also walk in front of the casket, two-by-two.

During the funeral service, the pallbearers and honorary pallbearers will either sit together for convenience (usually in the front row, left side), or be seated with their families.

At the end of the funeral service, the casket will travel back down the aisle in the same manner as its entrance.

If it is a Christian service, clergy will usually give a final blessing just before the deceased person leaves the church.The pallbearers will then carry the casket and place it in the back of the hearse.

The procession will then travel to the cemetery.Upon arrival, the pallbearers will again carry the casket from the back of the hearse to the graveside.

The honorary pallbearers will walk in front of the casket again, two-by-two.

Once they reach the graveside, the pallbearers will place the casket onto a device that will be used to lower the casket into the ground.

The last duty of pallbearers and honorary pallbearers may be to line up as an honour guard on the far side of the casket (opposite to where the family is standing or seated).

They may be given a flower at the conclusion of the ceremony and asked to place the flower upon the casket before it is lowered into the ground.

Procedures for Pallbearers at a Celebration of Life

At a celebration of life ceremony, (or even at a memorial service), procedures for honorary pallbearers may be dictated by the family’s wishes, rather than traditional or religious norms.

The family, funeral director or officiant will provide guidance to honorary pallbearers, and let them know what is expected from them on the day of the service.

The family may request that honorary pallbearers wear formal black clothing, or they may request some other colour be worn (for example, the deceased’s favourite colour).

Some families provide corsages, boutonnieres, name badges, or matching ties to distinguish honorary pallbearers.

Honorary pallbearers will also be given instructions before the service on where they should stand or sit, and what tasks they should perform.

At a celebration of life, the role is often far more flexible in comparison to a traditional or religious funeral.

Honorary pallbearers may share memories, greet guests, or participate in a symbolic act such as lighting a candle or placing a flower near the urn or photo.

Regardless of format, their purpose is to honour the deceased through presence, respect, and representation, rather than through physical duty.

8 Practical Tips for First-Time Pallbearers

If you have been asked to be a pallbearer, you no doubt realize that it is a great honour.

You should never refuse a request to be a pallbearer unless there is a very good reason to.

As examples, you are struggling with unmanageable emotional distress following the death, or unable to attend due to the travelling distance.

The following tips will help you perform your duties as best as you can.

(1) Wear Appropriate Attire

It is important that you show respect by wearing appropriate clothing, whether the service is a traditional or religious funeral, memorial service, or a celebration of life ceremony.

When it comes to funeral attire for a man, you won’t go wrong with a suit, white, long-sleeved shirt, and a conservative tie.

If you are a woman, wear conservative dress along with sensible shoes that allow you to carry the casket without tripping.

For a celebration of life ceremony, the family may request that you wear a specific colour or specific item of clothing.

You should honour their request, but if you have any questions or concerns, you should raise them with the family well before the time and date of the ceremony.

(2) Arrive Early

Make sure that you arrive at the funeral home at least thirty minutes prior to the procession’s departure to the church (or other venue).

This will give the funeral director adequate time to instruct you on pallbearing procedures and etiquette.

You can also discuss which side you would prefer to carry on.It is important that you understand all of the funeral director’s instructions.

(3) Turn Off Your Cell Phone

Before you pick up the casket, make sure your cell phone has been turned off.Once you are carrying the heavy load, it will be impossible to do so.

It would be very embarrassing to be walking down the church aisle carrying the casket when your cell phone rings.

(4) Make Your Way Promptly to the Hearse After Each Stop

Make sure that you are present and accounted for as quickly as possible at each stop.

Do not be distracted by other funeral guests that wish to chat with you, as is considered rude and thoughtless to keep the family of the deceased waiting.

(5) Walk Slowly and in Tempo

Do not rush when you are carrying the casket.

Walk slowly and steadily, making sure to gauge the tempo of the other pallbearers as you carry the casket.

(6) Tread Carefully, Especially at the Cemetery

The ground can be soft and uneven, particularly at the cemetery.

You should also be careful to not trip over the device that lowers the casket into the grave.(You will be required to place the casket on top of this device.)

(7) Plan to Stay Awhile After the Service is Over

It is customary for the funeral party (which includes pallbearers) to stay after the service has finished to speak with the funeral guests.

It also gives the family a chance to personally thank you for your service during this important occasion.

(8) Look to the Funeral Director for Guidance

When you are unsure of what to do next, the funeral director will either give you verbal directions or non-verbal cues.

We’ve summarized these helpful tips into an infographic that you can easily save directly to your Pinterest page or share on social media.

(Click infographic to enlarge)

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7 Commonly-Asked Questions About Pallbearing

(1) How Many Pallbearers Are Needed?

Traditionally, there are six pallbearers, three on each side of the casket.

Some families may choose four or eight, depending on the size of the casket, the number of close friends or relatives, or the customs of their faith or culture.

(2) Can Women Be Pallbearers?

Absolutely! While once considered a male role, many families now invite women to serve as pallbearers.

The most important factor is the relationship to the deceased, not gender.

(3) Can Children and Teens Be Pallbearers?

Children and teens can serve as pallbearers in certain circumstances, but it depends on their age, maturity, physical ability, and emotional readiness.

There’s no strict rule that forbids it, but the decision should always prioritize the young person’s comfort and safety.

For traditional services, pallbearers are usually adults because a casket can be heavy and the task requires coordination and composure during a very emotional time.

However, many families want younger relatives — such as grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or close family friends — to take part in the ceremony.

In these cases, they can serve as honorary pallbearers, walking in the procession, carrying flowers, or placing a hand on the casket as a symbolic gesture. This allows them to honour their loved one meaningfully without the physical strain of lifting.

If a teenager is mature, strong enough, and wishes to participate, they can often serve alongside adults with guidance from the funeral director, who ensures the group is balanced and well-coordinated.

Ultimately, the goal is to provide a safe and respectful way for young people to participate in saying goodbye — one that feels appropriate to their age and emotional well-being.

(4) How Much Weight Will I have to Carry as a Pallbearer?

The amount of weight a pallbearer carries depends on several factors, including the type of casket, the size of the deceased, and the number of pallbearers sharing the load.

On average, a fully loaded casket can weigh between 400 and 600 pounds (180–270 kilograms).

With six pallbearers, that means each person supports roughly 65 to 100 pounds (30–45 kilograms) — though the distribution isn’t always perfectly even.

It’s important to remember that pallbearers usually carry the casket only for short distances, such as from the hearse to the church or graveside.

Funeral directors typically guide the process, ensuring everyone lifts together and moves at a slow, steady pace.

In many modern services, the casket is placed on a rolling bier or wheeled stand, which means pallbearers mainly escort and guide rather than carry the full weight.

If you have concerns about lifting — due to health, age, or physical limitations — it’s perfectly acceptable to mention this to the family or funeral director.

You can still serve meaningfully as an honorary pallbearer or take on another role in the ceremony. The purpose of being a pallbearer is to honour the deceased, not to perform a strenuous physical task.

(5) It is Common for Pallbearers to Feel Anxious About Their Role?

Yes! It’s actually very common for pallbearers to feel anxious about their responsibilities.

Being asked to serve as a pallbearer is both an honour and a serious duty, and most people want to carry out the role respectfully and without error.

Because funerals are emotionally charged events, that sense of responsibility can naturally create nervousness or self-doubt, especially for those who have never served as a pallbearer before.

Many people worry about practical issues — such as how heavy the casket will be, when to lift, or what to do during the service.

Others feel uneasy about maintaining composure in front of grieving family members. These feelings are entirely normal.

Funeral directors understand that pallbearers are often first-timers and will give clear instructions before and during the ceremony, guiding you step by step.

It can also help to remember that pallbearing is less about perfection and more about presence and respect.

The family chose you because you meant something to the deceased or to them personally, not because of your experience or strength.

By simply showing up, acting with care, and following direction, you are already fulfilling the role with honour.

(6) Should Pallbearers be Worried About Dropping the Casket?

One of the most common concerns is dropping or mishandling the casket. In reality, this is extremely rare.

Funeral directors carefully coordinate the procession, and pallbearers lift and move together slowly, often over very short distances.

Modern caskets may also be placed on rolling biers or stands, meaning the pallbearers guide rather than carry most of the weight.

(7) Is It Common for Pallbearers to Feel Sore the Next Day?

Yes, some pallbearers do experience mild soreness or stiffness afterward, especially in the arms, shoulders, or lower back.

This usually happens when the casket is heavy or if the person isn’t used to lifting weight while walking slowly and in coordination with others.

Even though the distance carried is short, the combination of tension, emotion, and careful movement can engage muscles in an unfamiliar way.

However, serious discomfort is uncommon.

Funeral directors ensure the casket is carried safely and evenly among all pallbearers, and in many modern services, a rolling bier or wheeled stand is used, which significantly reduces the need for heavy lifting.

If you do feel sore afterward, simple measures such as rest, light stretching, and hydration can help.

Thank You Notes for Pallbearers

It is customary for the family of the deceased person to send thank you notes to the pallbearers soon after the funeral service.

It’s a simple, yet meaningful way of expressing the family’s gratitude for the pallbearers’ service, love and support during a difficult time.

The thank you cards don’t need to be long, but they should be hand-written and ideally sent within two weeks after the funeral service.

Thank you cards for pallbearers and honorary pallbearers all follow the same basic structure:

• Salutation:Dear [person’s name].If you are particularly close to the person to whom the card is being sent, you could open with: “My dearest [person’s name]”

• Expression of gratitude:Express gratitude and thanks on behalf of you and your family for his or her pallbearing service.A sentence or two will suffice.

• Personalization: The pallbearers would also appreciate a personal touch, where you mention anything special he or she did on the day that touched your heart, or his or her special relationship with the deceased.The personal touch shows that you put a lot of thought into writing the thank you card.

• Closing:End the note with “Yours Truly” or “Love” (depending on the closeness of your relationship to the pallbearer), and sign the card on behalf of your family (e.g. With Much Love, the Smith Family) or yourself (e.g. Yours Truly, Mrs. Smith).

7 Sample Thank You Notes

We have composed a variety of sample message that you can either copy directly (if you don’t consider yourself to be a wordsmith), or to use as inspiration to compose your own message.

Don’t worry about finding the “perfect” wording for your thank you note. It’s definitely the thought that counts.

The pallbearers are well aware that this is a difficult time for you and your family.Your effort will be greatly appreciated, no matter how simple the wording on the card.

Sample 1

Dear [Pallbearer’s Name]:

Thank you so much for serving as a pallbearer at [Deceased’s First Name]’s funeral. I am truly grateful to you and your family for your love and support at this difficult time. I especially appreciated your phone calls after the funeral service to see how I was doing.

With love,

[Your Name]

Sample 2

My Dearest [Pallbearer’s Name]:

Thank you for serving as a pallbearer at [Deceased’s First Name]’s funeral. You are a true friend. Your contributions to the service were a tremendous help and very much appreciated.I will forever be grateful for your kindness.

With Much Love,

[Your Name]

Sample 3

Dear [Pallbearer’s Name]:

Thank you again for your assistance and support at [Deceased’s First Name]’s funeral. Your service as a pallbearer meant so much to us. We also appreciated that you had to travel a long way to be with us at the service.

Yours Truly,

[Name of the Family]

Sample 4

Dear [Pallbearer’s name]:

We cannot thank you enough for you service as a pallbearer for [Deceased’s Name]’s funeral. [Deceased Name] would have been so touched by your service as you have always been a dear, dear friend to [him/her]. Wishing you happiness, health and love always,

[Name of the Family]

Sample 5

Dear [Pallbearer’s Name]:

Thank you for serving as a pallbearer at [Deceased’s Name]’s funeral. Your kindness, love and support at this extremely difficult time is greatly appreciated by all of us. A true friend like you is there for not only the good times, but the difficult times as well.

With love,

[Name of the Family]

Sample 6

Dear [Pallbearer’s Name]:

Thank you so much for your support during our family’s time of mourning. We appreciate you serving as a pallbearer at [Deceased’s Name]’s funeral.You have always been a true and good friend to [Deceased’s Name]. We know [he/she] would have appreciated the kindness you have shown us during this difficult time.

Love,

[Name of the Family]

Sample 7

Dear [Pallbearer’s Name]:

Please accept the warmest thanks of the entire [Deceased’s Last Name] family for the support you provided as a pallbearer at [Deceased’s First Name]’s funeral. We will never forget your kindness and your support.

With Warm Regards,

[Name of the Family]

Final Words

Serving as a pallbearer is both an honour and a responsibility — a final act of love, respect, and remembrance.

Whether physically carrying the casket or serving in an honorary role, pallbearers help guide a loved one on their final journey with dignity and care.

The experience can be emotional, but it’s also profoundly meaningful, offering comfort to the family and a sense of closure to those who serve.

Above all, being a pallbearer is about presence, compassion, and paying tribute to a life well lived.

On a final note, if you are struggling with grief, visit Love Lives On’s Business Directory to find an amazing therapist in your local area who can offer advice and support.

Our Business Directory is dedicated to helping you find the very best end-of-life professionals, including funeral homes, grief counsellors, monuments makers, florists, celebrants, estate lawyers, and so much more.

We know that losing a loved one is a difficult experience.

Our mission at Love Lives On is to make your life a little easier by providing you with the best information online, as well as connecting you with caring and skilled professionals in your local area who are ready to help you.

On behalf of all of us at Love Lives On, we’re sorry for your loss.

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