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What to Say to a Narcissist to Shut Them Down Download Article Kindly and effectively end an argument with a narcissistic person Explore this Article IN THIS ARTICLE 1 “I understand why you feel that way.” 2 “You may be right.” 3 “I think we got off track somehow.” 4 “Let’s discuss this later.” 5 “Does that seem reasonable to you?” 6 “Are you asking me or telling me?” 7 “Do I have any say in this?” 8 “When you criticize me, it makes me feel upset.” 9 “You can’t speak to me that way.” 10 “If you keep this up, I’m leaving.” 11 “...” + Show 8 more... - Show less... Other Sections Tips and Warnings Related Articles References Co-authored by Jay Reid, LPCC and Sophie Burkholder, BA
Last Updated: January 20, 2025 Fact Checked
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This article was co-authored by Jay Reid, LPCC and by wikiHow staff writer, Sophie Burkholder, BA. Jay Reid is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC) in private practice in San Francisco, CA. He specializes in helping clients who have survived a narcissistic parent or partner. Treatment focuses upon helping clients identify and challenge self-diminishing beliefs as a result of narcissistic abuse. Jay holds a BA in Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania and an MS in Clinical Psychology from Penn State University. There are 8 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 59,843 times.
Communicating with someone who displays narcissistic behaviors can be difficult, especially if they’re trying to start an argument. Showing compassion is the best way to avoid an explosive conversation—but how, exactly, can you do that? In this article, we’ll give you a comprehensive list of things to say so you can neutralize the situation right away and avoid a fight. Just keep in mind that a person with narcissistic traits doesn't necessarily have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), and only a licensed mental health professional can diagnose NPD.[1]X Trustworthy Source Mayo ClinicEducational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source
Steps
1
“I understand why you feel that way.”
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Empathetic language can help them feel understood. Someone with clinically diagnosed NPD may believe that no one else can understand what they’re going through. By telling them that you see where they’re coming from, you’re telling them that they’re not all alone in this world. Try this if you think their feelings are justified, even if they are being a little dramatic.[2]XResearch source
“I’d probably react the same way if I was in your position.”
“I get why you’re upset.”
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“You may be right.”
Download Article
A neutral statement can disarm someone who’s emotional. When you’re talking with someone who’s behaving in a narcissistic way, it’s best to avoid making any statements for or against what they’re saying. Instead, say something non-committal that’s just enough to appease them. Hopefully, your lack of a reaction will be enough to get them to move on.[3]XResearch source
“That’s an interesting point.”
“Hm, I never thought about it like that.”
3
“I think we got off track somehow.”
Download Article
Using “we” language shifts the blame to both of you. If there’s one thing that a person with narcissistic qualities can’t stand, it’s being blamed for something (even if it’s totally justified). By lumping yourself in with their behavior, they’re much more likely to be open to discussing things calmly.[4]XResearch source
“We might be misunderstanding each other.”
“I think there’s been a miscommunication. Can we try again?”
Advertisement 4
“Let’s discuss this later.”
Download Article
Push off the discussion, but don’t make the other person feel cast aside. If they’re trying to rile you up in public or when you’re already stressed out, tell them you don’t want to talk right now. However, make sure you promise to circle back around to it later—that way, they know you’re taking their concerns seriously.[5]XResearch source
“I don’t feel comfortable talking about this right now.”
“Let’s not have this discussion in front of everyone.”
5
“Does that seem reasonable to you?”
Download Article
Appeal to their sense of logic to get them to stand down. Sometimes, a clarifying question can get them to snap out of their sense of entitlement. If they’re asking you to do something that really isn’t a reasonable request, a direct question might just shut them down.[6]XResearch source
“Does your request sound fair to you?”
“Would you do the same thing for me?”
Advertisement 6
“Are you asking me or telling me?”
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Make it clear that you don’t like to be bossed around. If someone in your life is demanding something of you, remind them with a gentle question that their behavior isn’t polite. Sometimes, people with narcissistic traits get so wrapped up in their own thoughts that they forget what’s socially acceptable and what isn’t.[7]XResearch source
“Please don’t order me around like that.”
“Could you rephrase that, please?”
7
“Do I have any say in this?”
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Remind the person you’re talking to that you have needs, too. A lot of times, people with narcissistic traits struggle to remember that the people around them also have needs and wants.[8]X Expert Source Jay Reid, LPCCLicensed Professional Clinical CounselorExpert Interview Let them know that you’d like to have some input by asking them a question about your own needs.[9]XResearch source
“Are you thinking about both of us, or just yourself?”
“Can I make a suggestion?”
Keep in mind that a lack of natural empathy is a symptom of narcissistic personality disorder. If someone has been clinically diagnosed with NPD, they’re likely not choosing to disrespect you—they genuinely may lack the ability to understand your feelings and perspective.[10]X Trustworthy Source Mayo ClinicEducational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source
Advertisement 8
“When you criticize me, it makes me feel upset.”
Download Article
Focus on how you feel to lower their defenses. One of the key symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder is a resistance to criticism.[11]X Trustworthy Source Mayo ClinicEducational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source If you can shift the focus to yourself and not them, you may be able to have a more productive discussion.[12]X Trustworthy Source HelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
“Please don’t yell at me in public. It makes me feel belittled.”
“I feel hurt that you’d dismiss me like that.”
9
“You can’t speak to me that way.”
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Set a firm boundary, and don’t let them cross it. When you’re continually dealing with someone who displays narcissistic behaviors, it’s important to set boundaries for yourself. It will keep you from being taken advantage of, and it will make you feel better, too. If you’re being yelled at or called names, tell them that it’s unacceptable.[13]XResearch source
“What makes you think it’s okay to treat me like this?”
“If you want me to be nice to you, you have to be nice to me, too.”
Advertisement 10
“If you keep this up, I’m leaving.”
Download Article
Set real, actionable consequences for their bad behavior. Following through on consequences shows that you’re a strong person who won’t stand for your boundaries being pushed. Don’t put up with anything that crosses your boundaries, and feel free to walk away if you’re disrespected.[14]XResearch source
“I won’t listen to you when you yell at me. Let’s talk when you can be respectful.”
“If you raise your voice at me one more time, I’m ending this relationship.”
11
“...”
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Saying nothing may effectively stop this person in their tracks. Oftentimes, a person with narcissistic qualities will make inflammatory or rude comments to intentionally rile you up. If you can remain calm and avoid talking to them all together, you might be able to avoid a fight of any kind.[15]X Trustworthy Source HelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
Staying calm in the face of rude comments can be tough. Try taking deep breaths and counting to 10 before you respond.
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Avoid labeling anyone as a “narcissist,” especially if they haven’t been professionally diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. NPD is a legitimate mental health condition, and applying the term “narcissist” to anyone who acts selfishly or in a way you dislike only increases the stigma around the personality disorder and the people who fight to overcome it. Thanks Helpful 1 Not Helpful 0
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Co-authored by: Jay Reid, LPCC Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor This article was co-authored by Jay Reid, LPCC and by wikiHow staff writer, Sophie Burkholder, BA. Jay Reid is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC) in private practice in San Francisco, CA. He specializes in helping clients who have survived a narcissistic parent or partner. Treatment focuses upon helping clients identify and challenge self-diminishing beliefs as a result of narcissistic abuse. Jay holds a BA in Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania and an MS in Clinical Psychology from Penn State University. This article has been viewed 59,843 times. 9 votes - 89% Co-authors: 5Updated: January 20, 2025 Views: 59,843 Categories: Narcissistic Personality Disorder | Social Interactions In other languages Italian Portuguese
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Download Article Kindly and effectively end an argument with a narcissistic person Explore this Article IN THIS ARTICLE 1 “I understand why you feel that way.” 2 “You may be right.” 3 “I think we got off track somehow.” 4 “Let’s discuss this later.” 5 “Does that seem reasonable to you?” 6 “Are you asking me or telling me?” 7 “Do I have any say in this?” 8 “When you criticize me, it makes me feel upset.” 9 “You can’t speak to me that way.” 10 “If you keep this up, I’m leaving.” 11 “...” + Show 8 more... - Show less... Other Sections Tips and Warnings Related Articles References Co-authored by Jay Reid, LPCC and Sophie Burkholder, BA 
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Co-authored by: Jay Reid, LPCC Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor This article was co-authored by Jay Reid, LPCC and by wikiHow staff writer, Sophie Burkholder, BA. Jay Reid is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC) in private practice in San Francisco, CA. He specializes in helping clients who have survived a narcissistic parent or partner. Treatment focuses upon helping clients identify and challenge self-diminishing beliefs as a result of narcissistic abuse. Jay holds a BA in Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania and an MS in Clinical Psychology from Penn State University. This article has been viewed 59,843 times. 9 votes - 89% Co-authors: 5 Updated: January 20, 2025 Views: 59,843 Categories: Narcissistic Personality Disorder | Social Interactions In other languages Italian Portuguese 
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Empathetic language can help them feel understood. Someone with clinically diagnosed NPD may believe that no one else can understand what they’re going through. By telling them that you see where they’re coming from, you’re telling them that they’re not all alone in this world. Try this if you think their feelings are justified, even if they are being a little dramatic.[2] 
A neutral statement can disarm someone who’s emotional. When you’re talking with someone who’s behaving in a narcissistic way, it’s best to avoid making any statements for or against what they’re saying. Instead, say something non-committal that’s just enough to appease them. Hopefully, your lack of a reaction will be enough to get them to move on.[3] 
Using “we” language shifts the blame to both of you. If there’s one thing that a person with narcissistic qualities can’t stand, it’s being blamed for something (even if it’s totally justified). By lumping yourself in with their behavior, they’re much more likely to be open to discussing things calmly.[4] 
Push off the discussion, but don’t make the other person feel cast aside. If they’re trying to rile you up in public or when you’re already stressed out, tell them you don’t want to talk right now. However, make sure you promise to circle back around to it later—that way, they know you’re taking their concerns seriously.[5] 
Appeal to their sense of logic to get them to stand down. Sometimes, a clarifying question can get them to snap out of their sense of entitlement. If they’re asking you to do something that really isn’t a reasonable request, a direct question might just shut them down.[6] 
Make it clear that you don’t like to be bossed around. If someone in your life is demanding something of you, remind them with a gentle question that their behavior isn’t polite. Sometimes, people with narcissistic traits get so wrapped up in their own thoughts that they forget what’s socially acceptable and what isn’t.[7] 
Remind the person you’re talking to that you have needs, too. A lot of times, people with narcissistic traits struggle to remember that the people around them also have needs and wants.[8] Let them know that you’d like to have some input by asking them a question about your own needs.[9] 
Focus on how you feel to lower their defenses. One of the key symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder is a resistance to criticism.[11] If you can shift the focus to yourself and not them, you may be able to have a more productive discussion.[12] 
Set a firm boundary, and don’t let them cross it. When you’re continually dealing with someone who displays narcissistic behaviors, it’s important to set boundaries for yourself. It will keep you from being taken advantage of, and it will make you feel better, too. If you’re being yelled at or called names, tell them that it’s unacceptable.[13] 
Set real, actionable consequences for their bad behavior. Following through on consequences shows that you’re a strong person who won’t stand for your boundaries being pushed. Don’t put up with anything that crosses your boundaries, and feel free to walk away if you’re disrespected.[14] 
Saying nothing may effectively stop this person in their tracks. Oftentimes, a person with narcissistic qualities will make inflammatory or rude comments to intentionally rile you up. If you can remain calm and avoid talking to them all together, you might be able to avoid a fight of any kind.[15] 
Advertisement Cookies make wikiHow better. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our cookie policy.