11 Tips To Start A Conversation On Tinder (+16 Screenshots)

How to start a conversation on Tinder can feel like walking a tightrope — you want to stand out, but not come off too strong with your Tinder openers. Whether you’re tired of sending “hey” for the hundredth time or just want to make sure your first message leads somewhere, I’ve got you covered.

You want to be different and original to stand out and make your match smile, you want to make sure your message is not generic but personal, and you want to keep it light and flirty. Lastly, don’t be too eager to please her with compliments.

In this guide, we’ll break down everything from the basics of starting a convo, the best ways to make an impression, and how to adjust your approach when chatting with guys versus girls.

Plus, stick around for 50 killer examples of Tinder conversation starters that actually work.

In this article:

• How to start a conversation on Tinder
• 4 Best ways to start a conversation on Tinder
• 3 Common mistakes when starting a conversation on Tinder
• How to start a conversation on Tinder with a girl
• How to start a conversation on Tinder with a guy
• 50 Examples of Tinder conversation starters
• Conclusion

More...

How to start a conversation on Tinder

These are the most important things to keep in mind when starting a conversation on Tinder:

• Be different. Most people make the mistake of sending something their Tinder match has seen a million times before. Stand out with something unique.
• Tailor your text to their profile. Don’t start the conversation about any old topic, choose something you know they’re interested in.
• Keep it light and flirty. It’s true you don’t want to be too friendly, but this isn’t a license to make things sleazy either. Instead, keep it playful.
• Avoid being too complimentary. Swiping right already shows you find her attractive, so there’s little to gain by expressing your interest again.

Check out this video I made for you where I explain exactly what works to start your Tinder conversations:

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4 Best ways to start a conversation on Tinder

If you want the best way to start a conversation on Tinder, skip the “hey” or “how’s it going.” Be memorable. Here’s what works:

1. Personalize it

Look at her profile. Everyone loves to talk about themselves, so hit on something specific.

I was browsing the profile of this cutie and came across this photo. See anything special about it?

Here’s how I started the conversation.

Other conversation starters (for different profiles) could be something like this:

• I knew it! My horoscope told me I’d match with a cute girl who likes (something she’s into on her profile). My mercury is finally starting to rise.
• [If they’re into hiking] Let me guess—you’re the kind of person who wakes up at 6 AM for a hike, while I’m still trying to find my socks.
• [If she has a stacked bookshelf] Book nerrrrrd! Me like. 🙂 What book is currently on your nightstand?

2. Make them laugh

Humor breaks the ice and grabs someone’s attention. Throw in something playful, “You’re sooo cute!! And your two-legged human isn’t bad either.”

3. Tease, don’t please

Be flirty, not too friendly. Complimenting her at the start can make you seem too interested. And that doesn’t make sense, since you don’t know her yet.

A more healthy way to start a conversation is by teasing her a little. This shows confidence and is, of course, sexy.

• [When she has her favorite angle] Okay, I see you’ve got your best selfie angle locked down—what’s hiding on the other side? A secret face tattoo?
• [Add some spice to your sugary compliment to balance it out] You’re as beautiful as a Greek goddess, but from what I can remember from history class, they were all pretty crazy. Smite me.

4. Be confident, not cocky

Confidence is attractive. Own it with lines like:

• I’ll be honest, I swiped right because you seem like the only person on here who could beat me at Mario Kart.
• My toxic trait is thinking I could EASILY eat all the food in a food challenge. What’s yours?
• I just want to let you know that I sleep with knee high socks on. I’m aware it’s a deal breaker for a lot of people.

These strategies aren’t just the best, they’re your ticket to a real conversation—one she’ll actually want to respond to.

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3 Common mistakes when starting a conversation on Tinder

Here are a couple of mistakes many people make when starting a conversation on Tinder. Prevent these and you’re well on your way to a great conversation.

1. Do not compliment them on their looks

The following is something my female friends often complain about.

Let me paraphrase this opener for you:

“I’m so sorry, I’m trying to be funny. But I don’t realize that I have the self-image of a piece of used toilet paper…”

You NEVER start a conversation by complimenting her looks. You swiped her right on Tinder, which already confirms you like the way she looks.

By repeating it you’re saying nothing more than “I usually don’t talk to someone as good-looking as you. I’m so fūcking excited!”

Humor is welcomed in your opener. I advise you to be playful. But if you do, then do it well.

2. Tone down the self-deprecation

If there’s one thing that really upsets my stomach, it’s guys with no self-respect.

First of all, I’d like to apologize for my fellow Tinder coaches on the internet. The above line is a direct copy from another ‘dating coach’, who clearly hasn’t been on a date since 2009.

What makes it so bad?

• The heart-eye emojis show you’re far too excited.
• Calling yourself a mistake is incredibly unattractive.
• You’re already suggesting that you want to boink her.

Here’s a more confident alternative you can experiment with.

• “I usually don’t say this. But you have excellent taste in men. Is it that obvious from my photos that I’m a Disney princess?”

3. Stay away from anything raunchy

As a man, you want to be clear in your intentions, ASAP. When I coach clients in real life, I always tell my students that if the woman they approached doesn’t know why he’s talking to her… they’ve already lost.

But just because you want to be clear in your intent, doesn’t mean you do this.

Asking some for sex and fried chicken in the first message never works.

Do you want to get a bit flirty? Keep it light.

• No fuggin way that you’re into Son Little. It almost makes me want to passionately hold hands with you. Almost”.

Obviously, replace ‘Son Little’ with any other niche artist you like.

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How to start a conversation on Tinder with a girl

Starting a conversation with a girl on Tinder is a bit different than talking to a guy because you need to stand out without being too generic or over-the-top.

• Avoid clichés. Girls get a lot of messages, so avoid the typical “hey” or complimenting her looks right away—it won’t impress. Instead, go for something unique based on her profile, like commenting on her hobbies or a funny observation.
• Be playfully flirty, not over the top. For example, a light tease about her travel photos or a quirky remark about her favorite selfie angle can make you stand out.
• Show interest without putting her on a pedestal. She’s looking for someone who can hold a fun, engaging conversation without being too try-hard.

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How to start a conversation on Tinder with a guy

Starting a conversation with a guy on Tinder tends to be more direct and less nuanced than with a girl.

Guys usually aren’t flooded with messages, so you don’t need to worry as much about standing out with something wildly creative. You can be straightforward and flirty without overthinking it.

A playful compliment or even something as simple as referencing his interests (like a band or sport in his profile) can work well.

For example, “You’re into football? Tell me why your team’s the best—I’m ready to disagree.”

Guys are often more open to light teasing and humor, so feel free to be bold without the worry of coming off too strong. Keep it fun, confident, and show a little interest in what he’s into—it’ll go a long way.

50 Examples of Tinder conversation starters

These 50 examples of Tinder conversation starters will give you plenty of ideas to get the conversation flowing.

• What’s the number one item on your bucket list?
• What pet peeves drive you insane?
• Mega serious question [NAME]…what are your top two favorite snacks?
• Sunday priorities: sleep, exercise, or aggressive mimosas?
• Which Disney princess are you most like? Or I can guess…
• Would you rather be married to a 10 with a bad personality or a 6 with an amazing personality? (Please say the latter so I have a chance).
• I don’t mean to show off, but my shoulder’s just the right size for your teeny head.
• What’s something that’s popular but really annoys you?
• Yikes, what’s a gentlesir like me doing without your phone number. THE AUDACITY.
• Do you like bagels? Because you’re bae goals. ✨
• I want you to know that I am 100% committed to this fiery Tinder relationship.
• Your photos make you seem really open and outgoing. But I bet that you also have moments where you’re a shy little nerd. 😉
• So, I guess this means we’re dating now?
• We definitely need to stop being strangers. I love house music, yoga retreats, and cherry ice cream (and hoping to add “flirting with you” to the list). Your turn.
• I don’t usually give away compliments so easily, but you have great taste in men.
• I’m reducing my screen time but wanna talk to you. Should I use a carrier pigeon or see you in person?
• I mean…I guess I’d eat caramel sauce off you. But maybe we could start slow and flirt a bit first? Start with the basics? Like, what’s your favorite color?
• Roses are red, violets are blue, date me please, because I’m terrible at poetry.
• I love your sense of style! But I think you’d look better on me.
• So when are you going to ask me out? I’m feeling both spontaneous and a little in my princess era.
• [When she’s a horse girl] OK, bit of a zany question. And I apologize if it’s too much. But I need to know… when women ride horses, do their lady parts get stimulated?
• What old person habits do you have? Please please please say “telling you the same story 600 times always thinking it’s new.”
• Do you ever lie down at night, look up at the stars and think about all the messed-up things in the world? Like, why do we say ‘billding’ but write ‘building’?
• Jeeze, you look tastier than a croissant. *my internal monologue screaming IT’S PRONOUNCED CWASSONTT YOU DOPE.*
• I need a new show! Can’t keep watching Love Island. What are you binge-ing right now?
• My toxic trait is thinking I could EASILY eat all the food in a food challenge. What’s yours?
• No ..f’ing…way. You like snowboarding too?!? We’re soulmates.
• Mannnn I’m actually all out of really good pickup lines. 🙁But I do have this pickup lemon if that works? 🍋
• Do you sing in the shower? And more importantly, are you courageous enough to ADMIT that you pee in the shower?
• Tell me your Tinder experience in 1 GIF.
• I’m just here to love bomb you, m’lady. As my grandaddy used to say, BANZAAAAI . 💥
• Tell me what kinda guy you like. I’m trying to figure out who to pretend to be. #BeingYourselfIsForLosers.
• Dinner?! Coffee? Casually walk by each other and nod without saying anything? Which date would you prefer?
• Before we start, know that I have the best cozy hoody and sweater collection. And if any of them go missing, I’m calling the police, [name].
• Uh-oh, you have a little too much cute on your face. Here, I’ll help you wipe it off. *licks thumb and proceeds to wipe your face with spittle.*
• If you could do anything illegal, what would it be?
• What flavor of ice cream do you wish existed?
• If I could see your latest YouTube history, what would I see?
• I need to know…what’s something totally dorky or quirky about you?
• Which fictional character would you love to date?
• What 3 emojis represent you the best?
• What’s your most controversial opinion that you’re willing to share? 😉
• If someone came to you for advice, what would the topic be?
• Would you rather spend the rest of your life living in an RV or a sailboat as your home?
• How would your best friend describe you? If we all met at a party or something.
• What is your favorite quote right now?
• We’re starting off serious here [NAME]…how many times have you been in love?
• Choose a dream job: puppy photographer or pizza critic?
• Which of these story tropes is more important to you: enemies to lovers or forbidden love?
• What song are you blasting on repeat right now?

Conclusion

Here’s what you need to remember when starting any type of Tinder conversation.

Keep it unique and fun.

Tinder is a place where people come to escape their everyday lives and look for excitement. And with some luck, find someone amazing.

Since most guys are pretty dull, you can stand out from the crowd pretty easily.

All you need to do is give your Tinder matches something different from the competition. And girls will love you.

Where most guys have predictable chit-chat, you want to have unique conversations. Ask questions she hasn’t heard before, playfully push her away, tease her on her opinions, act like she’s falling for you, and share fun details about your life.

If you do this, you’ll get girls hooked on your texts. And more importantly, you’ll get them excited about meeting up with you.

Let me help you by giving you my best 10 texts that always work. Plus, my most powerful texting technique that women can’t resist.

Click the big shiny button below and give your Tinder matches the conversation they’re dying to have.

Enjoy.

Blessings, Louis Farfields

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