11 Ways To Drive A Narcissist Nuts - WikiHow

Skip to ContentQuizzes

• PRO Courses Hot Guides Tech Help Pro Expert Videos About wikiHow Pro Upgrade
• QUIZZES All Quizzes Hot Love Quizzes Personality Quizzes Trivia Quizzes Taylor Swift Quizzes
• EDIT Edit this Article
• EXPLORE Tech Help ProAbout UsRandom ArticleQuizzes Request a New ArticleCommunity DashboardTrendingForums Arts and EntertainmentArtworkBooksMoviesComputers and ElectronicsComputersPhone SkillsTechnology HacksHealthMen's HealthMental HealthWomen's HealthRelationshipsDatingLoveRelationship Issues Hobbies and CraftsCraftsDrawingGamesEducation & CommunicationCommunication SkillsPersonal DevelopmentStudyingPersonal Care and StyleFashionHair CarePersonal Hygiene Quizzes Love Quizzes Personality Quizzes Fun Games ForumsArts and EntertainmentFinance and BusinessHome and Garden Relationship QuizzesCars & Other VehiclesFood and EntertainingPersonal Care and Style Sports and FitnessComputers and ElectronicsHealthPets and Animals TravelEducation & CommunicationHobbies and CraftsPhilosophy and Religion Work WorldFamily LifeHolidays and TraditionsRelationships Youth
• LOG IN

  Log in

  Social login does not work in incognito and private browsers. Please log in with your username or email to continue. Facebook Google wikiHow Account No account yet? Create an account
• RANDOM

• Home
• Random
• Browse Articles
• TrendingNew
• Quizzes & Games
• All QuizzesHot
• Love Quizzes
• Personality Quizzes
• Fun Games
• Dating Simulator
• Learn Something New
• Forums
• Courses
• Happiness Hub
• Explore More
• Support wikiHow
• About wikiHow

• Log in / Sign up

Terms of Use wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. Learn why people trust wikiHow

• Categories
• Health
• Psychological Health
• Psychological Disorders
• Personality Disorders
• Antisocial Borderline Histrionic and Narcissistic Disorders
• Narcissistic Personality Disorder

11 Ways to Drive a Narcissist Nuts Download Article Explore this Article IN THIS ARTICLE 1 Ignore them. 2 Offer constructive criticism. 3 Set and enforce your boundaries. 4 Call them out. 5 Build others up in their presence. 6 Be less available. 7 Stay calm when they try to rile you up. 8 Bring up hard facts. 9 Reject their advice. 10 Work toward your own goals. 11 End the relationship. + Show 8 more... - Show less... Other Sections Questions & Answers Video Tips and Warnings Related Articles Expert Interview References Co-authored by Jay Reid, LPCC and Dev Murphy, MA

Last Updated: January 17, 2025 Fact Checked

Download Article X

This article was co-authored by Jay Reid, LPCC and by wikiHow staff writer, Dev Murphy, MA. Jay Reid is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC) in private practice in San Francisco, CA. He specializes in helping clients who have survived a narcissistic parent or partner. Treatment focuses upon helping clients identify and challenge self-diminishing beliefs as a result of narcissistic abuse. Jay holds a BA in Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania and an MS in Clinical Psychology from Penn State University. There are 14 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 189,562 times.

If you’re dealing with someone who’s an expert at mind games and manipulation, it can be pretty hard to rattle them. But by using their behavior against them, you can turn the tables and regain your power. Check out our expert-backed tips on how you can drive a narcissistic person nuts and beat them at their own game. Just keep in mind that not everyone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is abusive or toxic, only a licensed therapist can diagnose NPD, and not everyone with narcissistic traits has clinical NPD.[1]

Steps

1

Ignore them.

Download Article

1. Avoid giving them the attention they crave. When they walk into the room, don’t even glance over at them—make them come to you. When they text you, wait a couple of hours before responding to make them squirm. The more you act like you don’t care about them, the more frustrated they’ll get.[2]
   • If they ever bring it up to you, act like you have no idea what they’re talking about: “What? I wasn’t ignoring you. I’ve just been really busy lately.”
Advertisement

2

Offer constructive criticism.

Download Article

1. Don’t be afraid to point out their mistakes. Egotistical people tend to believe that they’re better than everyone else, and they’re resistant to criticism, which can make it hard to confront them when they’ve done something to hurt you. Practice giving them feedback on their behavior. Not only will it drive them nuts, but it may even encourage them to change their ways, too.[3]
   • “That wasn’t a very nice thing to say. I think you should apologize.”
   • “When you talk down to me like that, I feel belittled. Let’s try to talk nicely to each other from now on.”

3

Set and enforce your boundaries.

Download Article

1. Make sure they experience consequences when they cross your boundaries. Some people love to push your boundaries, and they’ll keep pushing until you enforce those boundaries. If you really want to get under this person’s skin, explain your boundaries clearly, and then follow through with the consequences if they cross them.[4]
   • “If you keep calling me names, I’m going to walk away. I can’t talk to someone who doesn’t respect me.”
   • “You can’t belittle me in public like that. If that happens again, we won’t be hanging out anymore.”
   • Reader Poll: We asked 293 wikiHow readers for their most effective way to protect themselves from love bombing, and 55% of them said, recognizing and setting healthy boundaries. [Take Poll] Setting healthy boundaries helps you stay in control of your life.
Advertisement

4

Call them out.

Download Article

1. Being called out can encourage them to behave. When you point out their mistakes in front of other people, they can no longer pretend that they’re the best person in the room. The next time you’re out with friends or at a family gathering and this person crosses the line, point it out.[5]
   • “You lose your temper easily, you know that? Maybe you should take some anger management classes.”
   • “Ouch, that was pretty harsh. There’s no need to yell—we’re all friends here!”

Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Am I Dating a Narcissist?

Only a mental health professional can diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder), but there are plenty of red flags you can look out for. Take this quiz to find out where you stand. 1 of 12

How did they act when you first started dating?

Super lovey-dovey. They thought our relationship was written in the stars!

Extra charming. They really knew how to lay it on.

A little flirtatious. Nothing too overkill, though!

Friendly and respectful. They had a healthy sense of boundaries.

Next 5

Build others up in their presence.

Download Article

1. People with fragile egos struggle to see others succeed. People with narcissistic traits often compare themselves to others, but they only do it when they’re shown in a positive light.[6] Pointing out others’ achievements in front of them will help to humble them and remind them they’re not the center of attention all the time.[7]
   • “Did you see that Jenny got a promotion yesterday? She only got hired there a year ago!”
   • “I’m so impressed by Harry’s art. His Instagram following is huge! Maybe you could get some tips from him on promoting your art.”
Advertisement

6

Be less available.

Download Article

1. Not being at their beck and call will remind them they’re not in control of you. Controlling people typically like to be in charge, but turning the tables on them can help you regain some control. If you make plans with them, do so on your terms: keep your plans loose, and don’t be afraid to cancel or reschedule if you need to. Be less available so they never know what to expect from you next.[8]
   • We’re not advocating for being a flake or bailing for the sake of being petty; taking control of your schedule and not being beholden to this person will help remind them you’re your own person—and it may help you feel more independent as well.

7

Stay calm when they try to rile you up.

Download Article

1. If it’s an emotional reaction they want, be sure not to give it to them. When someone calls you names or yells at you, it’s normal to get angry or upset. But manipulative people typically want to get an emotional response; it gives them a feeling of control over you. Next time this person tries to rile you up, try to stay calm and give as little of a reaction as possible. If you don’t react, they can’t add any fuel to their own fire, and they’ll eventually peter out.[9]
   • Having trouble staying calm? Try doing deep breathing exercises or counting to 10 in your head.
   • You can also give very unenthusiastic or sarcastic replies to show how uninterested you are. Say things like “Oh, wow,” or, “Hmm,” to quickly shut them down.
Advertisement

8

Bring up hard facts.

Download Article

1. Manipulative people love to spin things in their favor, so don’t let them. You may have noticed that every time you argue with this person, they use emotional attacks to “win.”[10] The next time you’re in a disagreement with them, only tell them the facts, and stick to things that can be proven.
   • “Are you sure you didn’t say that? I have screenshots of the texts you sent me this morning. Here, look.”
   • “But you were invited to that party—we all were. Look, I have the invitation in my email right here.”

9

Reject their advice.

Download Article

1. Egotistic people sometimes offer advice as a form of control. When a narcissistic person latches onto you, they’ll often try to make decisions for you or influence you in little ways.[11] You can maintain your independence by not taking their advice and instead going forward with your own plans.
   • “Yeah, I know you wanted me to go to college, but taking a gap year is better for me right now.”
   • “Being a doctor would be a great career path, but that’s not what I want. I’d like to be a teacher instead.”
Advertisement

10

Work toward your own goals.

Download Article

1. Put them in their place by striving for success. Even though meeting your own goals has nothing to do with anyone but you, people with big egos often see other people’s happiness as a personal attack against them. You can easily get under their skin and remind them they don’t control you by simply focusing on your goals and taking steps every day to achieve them.[12]
   • Manipulative people tend to lack empathy, which is why they may struggle to be happy for others.[13]

11

End the relationship.

Download Article

1. If setting boundaries doesn’t work, going no-contact may be the answer. If this person won’t leave you alone, it may be worth it to just break things off with them. Stay firm in your decision, and don’t fall for any of the false promises they might use to win you back.[14]
   • Be prepared for a lot of love-bombing as a way to win you over. If that doesn’t work, it’s possible they’ll resort to spreading rumors about you or talking about you behind your back to “get back” at you for leaving.
Advertisement

Community Q&A

Search Add New Question

• Question Does Donald Trump suffer from NPD? Lauren Kaduce Community Answer It’s hard to say because a lot of people who say he is or isn’t a narcissist are politically biased. Trump supporters will tell you he isn’t, but many liberals think he is. Only a medical professional can diagnose NPD. Thanks! We're glad this was helpful. Thank you for your feedback. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow Yes No Not Helpful 41 Helpful 21
• Question I want to take a test to know if am narcissistic. Lauren Kaduce Community Answer If you recognize narcissistic traits in yourself, you are probably not a narcissist. Only a professional can diagnose someone as a narcissist. Narcissists, particularly those over 18, don’t usually get professional help because they don’t believe there is a problem. On the other hand, people with other mental health issues (depression, social anxiety, etc.) often know they have a problem and seek help for it to live a better life. If you’re still worried that you are narcissistic, it might be worth talking to a therapist. Thanks! We're glad this was helpful. Thank you for your feedback. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow Yes No Not Helpful 15 Helpful 10

Ask a Question 200 characters left Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Submit Advertisement

Video

Tips

• Remember, not everyone with NPD is abusive, and not everyone who is abusive has NPD. In fact, many people with NPD are able to manage their symptoms with therapy and/or medication.[15] Thanks Helpful 1 Not Helpful 0

Submit a Tip All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published Name Please provide your name and last initial Submit Thanks for submitting a tip for review! Advertisement

You Might Also Like

How to Frighten a Narcissist: 13 Tactics to Use 11 Ways to Confuse and Disarm a Narcissist How to Make a Narcissist Miserable How to Get Revenge on a Narcissist Controlling Narcissists: Setting Boundaries & Deescalating Behavior 12 Ways to Break a Narcissist's Heart How to Beat a Narcissist How to Confront a Narcissist about Their Behavior How to Get a Narcissist to Respect You How to Deal with a Narcissistic Person How to Get a Narcissist to Chase You: 12 Powerful Tips How to Outsmart a Narcissist How to Get Away From a Narcissist How to Stop Narcissistic Abuse Advertisement

Expert Interview

Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about narcissism, check out our in-depth interview with Jay Reid, LPCC.

References

1. ↑ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5819598/
2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201610/8-tips-protect-yourself-narcissist
3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201110/the-narcissists-dilemma-they-can-dish-it-out
4. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/pro/recovery-expert/2019/08/setting-boundaries-with-a-narcissist
5. ↑ https://hbr.org/2017/05/how-to-manage-a-narcissist
6. ↑ https://www.psychalive.org/what-really-goes-on-in-the-mind-of-a-narcissist/
7. ↑ Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview
8. ↑ https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/life/relationships/cancel-plans
9. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/stress/stress-management

More References (6)

10. ↑ https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/too-much-focus-trying-understand-narcissist-very-much-part-problem
11. ↑ Adam Dorsay, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker. Expert Interview
12. ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/goal-setting-psychology/
13. ↑ Jay Reid, LPCC. Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor. Expert Interview
14. ↑ Jay Reid, LPCC. Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor. Expert Interview
15. ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/narcissistic-personality-disorder-symptoms-diagnosis-and-treatments

About This Article

Co-authored by: Jay Reid, LPCC Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor This article was co-authored by Jay Reid, LPCC and by wikiHow staff writer, Dev Murphy, MA. Jay Reid is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC) in private practice in San Francisco, CA. He specializes in helping clients who have survived a narcissistic parent or partner. Treatment focuses upon helping clients identify and challenge self-diminishing beliefs as a result of narcissistic abuse. Jay holds a BA in Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania and an MS in Clinical Psychology from Penn State University. This article has been viewed 189,562 times. 28 votes - 90% Co-authors: 8 Updated: January 17, 2025 Views: 189,562 Categories: Abuse | Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Medical Disclaimer

The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment.

Read More...

In other languages Spanish Portuguese Dutch French Italian Japanese

• Print
• Send fan mail to authors

Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 189,562 times.

Did this article help you?

Yes No Advertisement Cookies make wikiHow better. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our cookie policy. Co-authored by: Jay Reid, LPCC Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor Co-authors: 8 Updated: January 17, 2025 Views: 189,562 90% of readers found this article helpful. 28 votes - 90% Click a star to add your vote

Quizzes & Games

Am I Dating a Narcissist QuizTake QuizAm I Toxic QuizTake QuizNarcissist TestTake QuizIs My Friend Toxic QuizTake QuizIs My Mom a Narcissist QuizTake QuizIs My Husband a Narcissist QuizTake Quiz

You Might Also Like

How to Frighten a Narcissist: 13 Tactics to Use11 Ways to Confuse and Disarm a NarcissistHow to Make a Narcissist MiserableHow to Get Revenge on a Narcissist

Featured Articles

What Does It Mean If Someone Tries to Kill You in Your Dream?200+ Best Questions to Ask Someone You Like (Texting & IRL)How Beautiful Am I Quiz13 Types of Hairlines for Men and Women (And How to Maintain Yours)Which of the 8 Face Shapes Do You Have? Helpful Tips & Style GuidanceMental Illness Test

Trending Articles

Let Us Rate You 1-10: Attractiveness Scale QuizAm I a Gigachad or Totally Chopped?How Rare Is My Birthday QuizHow Nonchalant Am I QuizCan We Guess If You're Single or Taken?How toMake Out

Featured Articles

How toEnjoy the HolidaysHow to Get 250 Grams of Protein Daily: Best Foods, Meal Plans & MoreAm I Girly Quiz200 Fun, Flirty, & Deep Questions to Get to Know a Guy BetterHow to Tighten Skin Under Your Chin: Natural or Surgical OptionsWhat Would My Nickname Be Quiz

Featured Articles

21 Common Hand Signs & Gestures (& What They Mean)170+ Best Useless Facts That Sound Like LiesIs He Interested In Me Quiz15 Signs Your Ex Misses You (and What to Do About It)How to Observe Hanukkah (From Candle Lighting to Latke Frying)165+ "You Are Special" Quotes For Friends, Family, Partners & More

Watch Articles

How toWrap a Round GiftHow toSteam in an OvenHow to Make Plant-Based Meat: 4 Incredible RecipesHow toClean a Silver Necklace4 Easy Ways to Open a Can of SodaHow toPart Your Hair

Trending Articles

Have I Met My Soulmate Yet Quiz180 Good Comebacks & Savage Roasts to Win Any ArgumentAm I a Furry QuizWhat Are the Gay Male Body Types (And Which Do You Have?)What Should My Name Really Be QuizRandom Fortune Generator

Quizzes & Games

Am I Being Gaslighted QuizTake QuizIs My Friend Self-Centered QuizTake QuizAm I Manipulative QuizTake QuizAm I a Narcissist or an Empath QuizTake QuizAm I Love Bombing QuizTake QuizHow Big Is My Ego QuizTake Quiz

• Categories
• Health
• Psychological Health
• Psychological Disorders
• Personality Disorders
• Antisocial Borderline Histrionic and Narcissistic Disorders
• Narcissistic Personality Disorder

wikiHow Newsletter You're all set! Helpful how-tos delivered toyour inbox every week! Sign me up! By signing up you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy.

• Home
• About wikiHow
• Experts
• Jobs
• Contact Us
• Site Map
• Terms of Use
• Privacy Policy
• Do Not Sell or Share My Info
• Not Selling Info
• Contribute

Follow Us

×

Don’t miss out! Sign up for

wikiHow’s newsletter

Subscribe You're all set! X --744