14 Proven Responses To The Most Frustrating Backtalk

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When kids act out, they have an arsenal of backtalk they fire at you in order to put you on the defensive—a secret language that’s designed to win them control and absolve them of responsibility. If you take those comments at face value—or take them to heart—you’ll always be on the defensive, constantly reacting to a child who’s out of control.

In this article, we examine the most common backtalk that kids hurl at their parents when they act out, what they really mean, and how to respond to them in an effective way that puts the responsibility to behave appropriately where it should be: on the child.

1. “I’ll Do It Later”

When kids act out, they aren’t always confrontational. One way children get around the rules of the household is to procrastinate and put their parents off until they eventually stop asking kids to help out.

While many parents rationalize, “It’s easier if I just do it myself,” you need to understand that giving in to your child gives them a false sense of entitlement, a sense that “the world owes them something” and that they do not need to meet their responsibilities.

Examples:

Child: “I’ll do it later”

Translation: If I put it off long enough, you’ll give up and I won’t have to do it. You’ll probably even do it for me.

Ineffective: “Okay, but make sure you get it done.”

Effective: “Well, that’s fine. But you won’t get your allowance until it’s done.” Or, “Well, that’s fine, but you can’t use the phone until it’s done.”

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