20 Easy Ways To Be A (Much) Better Father | Best Life

The 18-year task of raising a child from birth to adulthood is one of man’s most noble journeys—and greatest challenges. One moment, you’re figuring out how to build a crib and plastic toys, and in a blink, you’re waxing on about the dangers of Fireball shots. What makes fatherhood most complicated is not just the constant barrage of decisions, pressures, and circumstances that demand your attention. (“No, Ms. Principal, I’m not aware that Bart sketches Greek statues of naked men and women in his textbook during class.”) It’s that every family is an experiment involving so many variables. Every child is different, and so is every father. You’ve got sporty dads and artsy dads. Serious dads and goofy dads. Tough dads and pushover dads. Meaning: What you may think is best for your kid because of who you are may not actually be the case because of who they are. A good father has to be part coach and cop, preacher and teacher, friend and foe. And he has to walk that tightrope with two goals in mind: One, help create a dynamite kid. And two, develop a relationship that will last a lot longer than the 6,574 days of their childhood. So the question becomes: How do you navigate all the tricky terrain that comes with parenting, disciplining, teaching, and bonding so that you do what’s best for your kids in the long run, while also ensuring that you end up on the good side of their memories, and not the “he was such a prick” one? It’s not about making 180-degree changes in parenting philosophy or in personality traits. It’s about doing the little things—the things that teach them, that entertain them, that challenge them, and that show them that you give two hoots. After all, a child’s mind is one big game of connect-the-dots. Every dot you put in their memory is what forms the big picture. “It’s the little moments that mean the most. Kids don’t need big flashy experiences,” says Catherine Pearlman, Ph.D., assistant professor at Brandman University in California and author of the parenting book, Ignore It! “They need deep relationships with caring adults.” The best way to do it, she says: With your time. When kids feel as if dad is paying attention, that’s when the best fathering happens. Here, 20 small ways to make a pretty big difference. And for more on fatherhood, take some tips from these 11 leading men who happily embraced parenthood later in life.

1 Shut. It. Off.

Talk out loud, talk to yourself, talk to them, read them books. Even when they’re of the age when they’ll have no idea what “hmm, we’re out of mustard” means, it’s good for their brains for you to say it out loud, rather than just think of it. One study found that a father’s vocabulary had a stronger effect on a child’s language development than a mother’s. And for more ways to be a better father, check out the 5 Ways Cool Dads Make Family Dinner A Lot More Awesome.

3 Use the Crib-Cry Rule—Even When They’re Teens

One day, Greene took his son to play work on soccer drills in an urban handball court. They passed the ball around, but it evolved into the two of them playing handball rules with a soccer ball. That game started organically, but is now a tradition that’s theirs and only theirs.

5 Engage, Maverick, Engage!

While it’s good to share work conflicts with your partner, think about what happens if every family dinner consists of you complaining about knucklehead executives. You’re showing your kids that work is something to be despised. But if you can speak of what you love about you do, you’re teaching them to do what you ultimately want them to do—to pursue a career that they’re passionate about. And for more career advice, see these 52 Easy Ways to Be Better with Money in 2018.

7 There’s a Time for “No Rules”

Being diligent about cleaning the peanut butter off the spoon before putting it in the dishwasher isn’t just about having an equitable distribution of household chores. The fact that you do laundry, clean toilets, make dinner, and know exactly where the eff the Lysol is stored communicates something bigger. A Canadian study found that daughters grow up with greater career aspirations when the fathers share more of the work around the house. And remember: uttering the phrase “I’m on chore duty” is one of the 20 Things She Always Wants You to Say. 

9 Tradition Trumps Grandiose