38 Anal Foreplay Tips For Beginners And Pros - Cosmopolitan

Whether you’re brand new to butt stuff or backdoor play is already part of your sexual repertoire, anal sex is generally the kind of sex act you want to prepare for—particularly if you’re planning on engaging in anything penetrative (as opposed to external forms of anal play like rimming). There are a few reasons anal sex may benefit from more advance prep than other kinds of sex acts. For one thing, unlike the vagina, the anus does not self-lubricate or naturally expand to allow for penetration when aroused. And then, of course, there are the additional hygiene (read: poop-related) concerns that come with the territory.

That said, preparing for anal sex should not feel like an onerous, stressful, or anxiety-inducing process. Once you know your stuff, it’s easy to get ready for what can and should be a completely “pleasurable, clean, and worry-free experience,” says Lawrence Johnson, CEO and cofounder of Pure for Men. Which is why we’ve put together this beginner-friendly guide to getting ready for anal.

Much of the conversation around anal sex prep tends to focus on hygiene—specifically, pre-anal precautions intended to minimize the presence of poop. And while that’s certainly part of it (although probably a less pressing part than you might imagine; more on that below), there’s more to preparing for anal than just the poop-prevention stuff. Here’s everything you need to know about preparing for anal physically, mentally, and, yes, hygienically.

Anal Sex Prep Tips

From how to practice on yourself to whether and how to douche to what to expect from the act itself, here’s what to know ahead of any planned anal encounter.

1. You Probably Don’t Need to Be as Worried About Poop as You Think

Yes, hygiene is an important part of preparing for any kind of sex and yes, anal sex involves the anus, meaning there is a chance some poop could come into play. However, assuming you follow a healthy diet and don’t have any gastrointestinal issues, the risk of encountering any significant amount of feces during anal is not as high as you may think. This is because, as clinical sexologist Kat Van Kirk explains, the anus and the lower part of the rectum typically hold very little fecal material, meaning a penetrating partner is actually unlikely to come in contact with much poop during sex.

That said, the reality is that anal sex is anal sex, which means running into some poop is always a possibility. While there are ways to mitigate the risk of any unwanted fecal-related incidents (see below), any mature, consenting partners engaging in anal sex should be aware that poop comes with the territory and should be able to handle any accidental messiness with maturity and grace.

2. You Don’t Need to Douche, But You Can If You Want To

Again, assuming you have a healthy diet and regular bowel movements, most people don’t need to do any excessive cleansing of the bowels before anal sex—just a regular shower and external cleaning of the area should suffice. But if you feel more comfortable knowing you’re extra clean, douching is a totally viable option—provided you do it safely.

“Although it’s not required, people turn to douching as a way to help give them peace of mind that there won’t be any messy surprises during anal play,” says anal surgeon and sexual health expert Evan Goldstein, DO, founder of the sexual wellness brand Future Method.

If you’re going to douche, it’s important you’re using the right stuff. Dr. Goldstein recommends using the Future Method bulb and non-toxic douching solution. They’re safe for douching and won’t dry you out. Stay away from pharmacy douching kits or shower head attachments, as these can be dangerous.

Keep in mind that over-douching is a bad idea. “Make sure you understand the correct ways to clean, as incorrect use and over-douching can lead to significant issues that limit anal play, even before you start,” Dr. Goldstein adds. Douching should be done a maximum of two to three times per week, with body-safe products only.

3. Eat Plenty of Fiber

One way to significantly reduce the need to douche while staying clean is to ensure your diet is rich in fiber. Having plenty of fiber—found in foods like berries, broccoli, and beans—keeps your digestive system running in tip-top shape and helps bulk the stool, “making your poops more formed and easier to pass more completely,” Dr. Goldstein explains. Regular bowel movements will help keep you naturally clean and reduce the chance of fecal matter lingering in the anal canal, where anal penetration takes place. If you don’t get enough fiber from your diet, Dr. Goldstein recommends incorporating a fiber supplement like Pure for Her (specifically designed for anal prep purposes) to help you stay ready and regular.

4. Go to the Bathroom Beforehand

Again, while there’s no need to stress about fecal matter during anal sex, pooping before sex will significantly reduce the risk of any accidents. If you go around two hours before having anal sex, you should be golden. Just make sure to clean well afterward and wash externally with soap.

5. Practice on Yourself First

If you’re new to anal sex, it’s a good idea to get acquainted with the experience on your own first by experimenting with butt-safe toys like anal dildos or butt plugs. (Remember to only use toys with a flared base to avoid any embarrassing trips to the ER.) Not only can exploring anal play on your own help you get accustomed to the sensations and put your mind at ease, but it’s also a great way to figure out what you like (and don’t like) when it comes to backdoor play.

Also, Dr. Goldstein adds that doing a “toy test” before sex by inserting a toy and checking to see whether it comes out clean is a great way to ensure you’re properly prepped and put your mind at ease re: the poop of it all.

6. Use Anal Dilators to Prepare for Penetration

Again, unlike the vagina, which is naturally equipped to prepare for penetration when aroused, the anus was not designed with that same purpose in mind. This doesn’t mean that anal penetration can’t happen safely and pleasurably, but it does mean that getting there takes some practice. Anal dilator kits are tools specifically designed to help gradually condition the anus to receive penetration, and they’re a game-changer when it comes to experiencing comfortable, enjoyable anal.

Dr. Goldstein explains that there are three different muscle groups that need to be trained for anal penetration. “Two of the three we can control, and the third, called the internal sphincter, is the one that we can’t,” he says. Dilators help to train and stretch these muscles in order to prepare them for anal. Dr. Goldstein recommends using the Future Method dilation kit, as the length and girth of each glass dilator are designed to work with all three muscle groups. You can work your way up in dilator size as you get more comfortable.

7. Make Sure You’re Feeling Ready, Relaxed, and Supported

Mental and emotional prep is just as important as the physical stuff when it comes to anal—especially because being relaxed helps your body open up and makes everything easier, more comfortable, and more enjoyable. Regardless of whether there’s any penetration going on, anything with anal requires lots of trust and relaxation, safety, and comfort. So make sure you have open, honest conversations with your partner ahead of time where you confirm that this is something you’re both interested in, set boundaries and expectations, and ensure you both feel supported. And remember, if you find the idea is causing you stress or anxiety, you can absolutely say no to anal play and/or withdraw previously given consent at any point in time.

8. Know What to Expect

If you’re new to anal sex, know that the sensation may feel a little odd or uncomfortable at first—specifically, it may feel like you’re pooping. (Don’t worry, if you’ve prepped properly, you’re almost definitely not!) But while it may feel unusual, anal sex definitely should not hurt. If it does, stop.

Anal Sex Prep Supplies

Another key part of anal sex prep is knowing what you’ll need and want to have on hand during the play itself, and making sure it’s at the ready. Here are some things you’ll want to stock up on ahead of time.

1. Use Lube

While lube enhances all kinds of sex, it is an absolute must for anal. Experts typically recommend silicone-based lube for anal as it tends to be thicker and longer-lasting than water-based counterparts. Just keep in mind that not all silicone lubes are safe to use with condoms and/or sex toys. If you end up wanting to avoid a silicone lube for this reason, there are plenty of water-based and hybrid options specifically designed for anal sex available. Check out our top recs here.

2. Try a Heated Lubricant

Warming lube can help heighten pleasure and make you even more comfortable in the moment. “The heat that is created actually helps to bring blood flow to the area and help increase stimulation to the pleasure receptors in the rectum/anus,” explains Niket Sonpal, MD, of Brookdale Hospital Medical Center.

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​​3. But Steer Clear of Numbing Lube

While you might be tempted to grab some numbing lube, which is often marketed as a tool to reduce discomfort during anal sex, experts highly advise avoiding these products. Anal sex shouldn’t be painful, which means that if it is painful, you need to know so you can stop before any damage is done. You need to be able to feel how your body is responding so you can react accordingly and ensure a safe experience.

4. You May Want to Use Condoms

STIs can be transmitted during anal sex—not only because it involves skin-to-skin contact and exchange of fluids, but the lining of the anus can be damaged due to friction, making it more susceptible to infection. So unless you and your partner are fluid bonded and have specifically agreed to forego barrier methods, you’ll want to use condoms during anal.

5. Prepare Your Space Ahead of Time

Again, while there’s no need to stress about mess, the reality is anal sex does have the potential to get messy. Prepping your space ahead of time by covering your bed with a soft, washable blanket and having some wipes on-hand for easy cleanup can help set your mind at ease.

Anal Foreplay Tips

Preparing for anal sex doesn’t stop once you’ve entered the bedroom. Just as with any kind of sex, engaging in foreplay to get relaxed and aroused is crucial before any penetration begins. Here are some anal-specific foreplay tips to help make sure you’re in the best place mentally and physically to enjoy yourself.

1. Go Slow

Absolutely nothing anal-related should be done hastily. This is a sex act that needs to be taken slowly and handled with care, especially if there’s any kind of penetration involved. Remember, the anatomy of the anus is completely different from the vagina, says clinical sexologist Lucy Rowett, a certified sex coach. “So go super slow; do not rush it.”

The vagina naturally lubricates and expands when you’re aroused. The anus does not do these things. So you need to go slow and be careful to make sure it’s ready to be explored.

2. Relax

Your muscles, especially around the anus, need to be relaxed during penetration, says Rowett. If the anal sphincter is too tight, inserting anything can be painful and difficult rather than pleasurable. Take deep breaths and allow your body to relax so you can fully open up to the sensation. If you tense up or are going too fast, things can get uncomfortable and/or painful.

3. Try a Massage

A massage can help the receiving partner relax and open up (while enhancing connection and intimacy). A sacral massage, which focuses on the portion of the lower back just above the butt, may be especially effective before anal play.

4. Stimulate Around the Anal Opening First

Anal sex doesn’t necessarily have to involve penetration. While internal stimulation can be great, “you can achieve just as much pleasure without ever putting anything into the anus,” explains sexologist Gigi Engle, an expert for 3Fun. Try starting out by experimenting with rimming (mouth-to-anus sex) or touching around the opening before diving into full-on penetration.

5. Incorporate Multiple Forms of Stimulation

Just because you’re having anal sex doesn’t mean it has to be all about the butt. Incorporating additional forms of stimulation—whether on the nipples, vagina, clitoris, or other erogenous zones—can make the experience more pleasurable. Engle adds that for vulva-having partners receiving anal penetration, adding clitoral stimulation is a great way to relax and become fully aroused during anal play. And while it may be tricky for a partner to stimulate the clit and butt at the same time, using a toy—like a hands-free wearable vibe or a clit-sucking vibrator—can provide the extra stim you need.

6. Use Toys

Again, anal sex doesn’t have to be all about penis-in-anus penetration. Using toys like butt plugs, dildos, or anal beads during partnered sex can be a great way to explore anal play together and/or warm up for penetration.

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