4 Ways To Not Care - WikiHow

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Terms of Use wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. Learn why people trust wikiHow 12 Simple Ways to Stop Caring So Much PDF download Download Article Learn how to let life’s negativities just roll off your back Co-authored by Donna Novak, Psy.D and Ali Garbacz, B.A.

Last Updated: May 22, 2025 Fact Checked

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  • When People Judge You
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  • When Things Go Wrong
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  • When Someone Hurts You
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  • Times When You Should Care
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This article was co-authored by Donna Novak, Psy.D and by wikiHow staff writer, Ali Garbacz, B.A.. Dr. Donna Novak is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Simi Valley, California. With over ten years of experience, Dr. Novak specializes in treating anxiety and relationship and sex concerns. She holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) and a doctoral degree (Psy.D) in Clinical Psychology from Alliant International University-Los Angeles. Dr. Novak uses a differentiation model in treatment that focuses on personal growth by increasing self-awareness, personal motivation, and confidence. There are 13 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 834,582 times.

It might be hard to believe, but learning to not care can sometimes be the best thing for your health and happiness. When someone hurts you or judges you, or when things don’t go the way you planned, letting go and choosing not to care can save you a lot of stress and unpleasant feelings. Read our advice on how to let go of these negative feelings and live life focusing on what you love.

How to Stop Caring and Be at Peace

  • Focus on the things you love and your own strengths instead of other people’s criticism.
  • When something goes wrong, remind yourself that more opportunities are on the horizon.
  • Prioritize the people who care about you instead of fixating on those who’ve hurt you.

Steps

Method 1 Method 1 of 4:

When People Judge You

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  1. Step 1 Build up your self-esteem and be confident in yourself. 1 Build up your self-esteem and be confident in yourself. It doesn’t matter what other people think of you so long as you feel confident in your abilities. Do things that make you feel proud of yourself and like you’re a worthwhile individual. Volunteer, pick up a new hobby, or travel to see the world. Whatever you choose, give it your 100%. Even if someone has something negative to say, you’ll be able to brush it off knowing that you’re doing your best and living life the way you want to.[1]
    • Replace any negative thoughts with positive ones. For example, instead of saying “I’m no good at this,” tell yourself, “I’m trying my best and I’ll get better in no time.”
    • Stop comparing yourself to others and take pride in your unique talents and traits. Others might try to put you down by flaunting their successes, so show them that you couldn’t care less by focussing on what makes you special.
  2. Step 2 Pursue interests and hobbies that make you happy. 2 Pursue interests and hobbies that make you happy. Don’t let the opinion of others stop you from doing the things that you love. Somebody else’s approval or disapproval doesn’t determine your happiness. If you love writing stories even though others find it to be a waste of time, keep writing to your heart’s content. If all of your friends judge your music taste, crank up the volume even louder. Don’t let others deter you from indulging in the things you really love.[2]
    • Pursuing things that make you happy is also a great way to meet people who think like you do and like the same things.
    • Use social media or look for groups in your community to find people who share your interests and passions. It’s never too late to make new friends.
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  3. Step 3 Allow others to reject you. 3 Allow others to reject you. An important step in not caring when people judge you is to let them judge you. When you experience this kind of judgment, you’ll likely see that it isn’t the end of the world. Don’t give the people who judge you any power by being aggressive or hurling insults back at them. Instead, take a deep breath and tell yourself that their words can’t hurt you. No matter what they say, your life will go on.[3]
    • Oftentimes, the people that judge others the harshest are equally as hard on themselves. Usually, they continue to put others down because it makes them feel powerful.
    • Make an effort to surround yourself with positive people who won’t judge you. Find people who share your interests and genuinely want to see you achieve your goals and live your best life.
  4. Step 4 Remind yourself that people’s judgment doesn’t matter. 4 Remind yourself that people’s judgment doesn’t matter. In 5 years, the people who judged you probably won’t even remember you, much less all the things about you that they didn’t like. Similarly, their opinions likely won’t impact you at all a few months down the road. Spend your time enjoying your life and take advantage of the many opportunities life has to offer. You’ll probably be much happier than if you spent all that time trying to win the approval of people you probably won’t even see in a few years.[4]
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Method 2 Method 2 of 4:

When Things Go Wrong

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  1. Step 1 Put a positive spin on a negative situation. 1 Put a positive spin on a negative situation. When bad things happen to you, do your best to find the silver lining. While it may not immediately fix your problem, being a bit more optimistic can help clear your mind so that you can look at the situation from a different angle. Instead of focusing on what could go wrong, remind yourself of all of the positive things that could happen. The power of positivity is what will help you pick yourself up ready to try again.[5]
    • For example, maybe you’re looking for a new job but there aren’t many openings. Instead of saying, “I’ll never find a job,” change your thoughts to something like, “I have a solid resume and great experiences, so someone will definitely hire me when jobs start opening up.”
  2. Step 2 Appreciate the good things in your life. 2 Appreciate the good things in your life. Take time out of your day to express your thanks for the things that make you happy. Go and hug your mom, tell your friend how much you appreciate them, go out and appreciate nature, or just take a moment to write down everything you’re grateful for. Even when things go wrong, there is usually always something to be thankful for to remind us of the things that are going well in our lives.[6]
    • If you can’t think of anything, go out and do things that will make you happy and give you something to appreciate about the world. Start volunteering, make a new friend, or start a hobby you’ve always wanted to try.
  3. Step 3 Tell yourself that it’s not the end of the world. 3 Tell yourself that it’s not the end of the world. It’s inevitable that things will go wrong at least once (though probably more) in your life. That’s just how life goes. But if you understand why and accept the fact that things go wrong, you’ll be able to move on from them quicker. Put things into perspective and tell yourself that this isn’t the end of the world. Also, remind yourself that you can’t control everything. Sometimes things just happen, and that’s okay.[7]
    • A good way to practice letting go of things that you can’t control is to think logically about how this mistake or bad situation will affect you in the future.
    • Oftentimes, we tend to exaggerate how much our lives will be affected by one tiny mistake. Think about the outcomes in a rational way, and you might find that your worries were for nothing.
  4. Step 4 Focus on moving forward instead of focusing on the past. 4 Focus on moving forward instead of focusing on the past. The fact of the matter is, you can’t change the past and undo something that’s gone wrong. But you can choose to pick yourself up and move on. Take some time to analyze and learn from your mistakes, but move forward with the ultimate goal of starting fresh. A huge part of not caring is leaving the past in the past and simply living in the present.[8]
    • For example, if you got fired from a job, reflect on what it is you might’ve done wrong and go into your new job with the goal of reinventing yourself and your image.
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Method 3 Method 3 of 4:

When Someone Hurts You

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  1. Step 1 Figure out their motivation for hurting you. 1 Figure out their motivation for hurting you. Realizing why someone hurt you can help you put the incident behind you and move on faster. Even if you can’t completely forgive them, understanding where they came from and what they may have been going through can help you to not care as much. Take some time to think the situation over again, and don’t allow your anger or frustration to get the best of you.[9]
    • There are a number of reasons why people hurt other people, both intentionally or unintentionally. Maybe they hurt you because they are hurt, lonely, or afraid. Or maybe they don’t have a good example in their own lives of how to treat people well.[10]
  2. Step 2 Tell yourself it’s their loss for pushing you away. 2 Tell yourself it’s their loss for pushing you away. If the other person wants to be angry or spiteful, it’s going to affect them much more negatively in the long run than it will affect you. Your time and affection are much better spent on someone who appreciates you. Prioritize your own needs and don’t let your thoughts linger on what might have been.[11]
  3. Step 3 Appreciate the people who really care about you. 3 Appreciate the people who really care about you. There are plenty of people who love you and love being around you. These friends, family members, coworkers, or teachers are much more worth your time than someone who doesn’t care for your happiness and well-being. Surround yourself with these loving people and be sure to tell them “thank you” every now and then for everything they do for you.[12]
  4. Step 4 Surround yourself with positive people. 4 Surround yourself with positive people. Going out and finding people who truly appreciate you for who you are helps to replace painful memories with newer, happier ones. Instead of holding onto your anger, let it all go and focus on finding people who will bring positivity to your life. Join community volunteer programs, go out to a bar and chat with someone new, or have a friend introduce you to their friends.[13]
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Method 4 Method 4 of 4:

Times When You Should Care

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  1. Step 1 When someone else is being hurt: 1 When someone else is being hurt: It’s human nature to want to protect others and stop them from being hurt. If you see someone being bullied or harassed, go to defend them and stand up to the bullies. If you notice someone going through a hard time, reach out to them and offer them your support. Other examples include:[14]
    • Helping your friend get out of a toxic relationship
    • Being there to comfort someone who’s lost a loved one.
    • Taking care of someone who is sick
    • Caring for others not only makes them feel better, but it can also strengthen your feelings of self-worth and confidence.
  2. Step 2 When you might hurt someone else: 2 When you might hurt someone else: While it’s easy to judge others without thinking or let a negative comment slip, it’s important to really think through your actions before doing something. Treat others the way you’d want to be treated. Ask yourself how the other person would feel if you were to say what’s on your mind. Treating others with compassion and care is how you can help make the world a better, kinder place.[15]
  3. Step 3 When people need you: 3 When people need you: Be attentive and supportive towards people who come to you looking for help. These can be friends that need your emotional support, family members who need your love, or coworkers who need your best effort and cooperation. Whoever it is, do what you can to support them and show them you care.
  4. Step 4 When looking after yourself and your well-being: 4 When looking after yourself and your well-being: Practice self-care and remember to put yourself first. Treat yourself to a nice meal or a gift you bought yourself, take time to pursue your hobbies, and surround yourself with supportive and loving people. Never neglect caring for yourself, because you are incredibly important and precious.[16]
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Expert Q&A

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Video

Tips

  • Teaching yourself not to care takes time. Don’t expect it to happen overnight! Thanks Helpful 22 Not Helpful 3
  • There is nothing inherently wrong with caring. It’s more important that you don’t let negativity get you down. Thanks Helpful 18 Not Helpful 2

Tips from our Readers

The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
  • Try not to respond to people who are hurting you. Instead, ignore them and remember that people who make you feel bad aren't worth your time. Move on from them and spend time with the people who love you.
  • Realize that sometimes others' battles are their responsibility to deal with, not yours. If someone's problems are draining you, it's okay to take a step back and prioritize yourself.
Submit a Tip All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published Name Please provide your name and last initial Submit Thanks for submitting a tip for review! Advertisement

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References

  1. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/wellbeing/how-to-build-confidence
  2. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/wellbeing/how-to-build-confidence
  3. ↑ https://hbr.org/2019/05/how-to-stop-worrying-about-what-other-people-think-of-you
  4. ↑ Donna Novak, Psy.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview
  5. ↑ Donna Novak, Psy.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview
  6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-for-happiness/201711/five-ways-to-practice-gratitude
  7. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/how-to-get-through-hard-times
  8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/focus-forgiveness/201410/how-forgive-yourself-and-move-the-past
  9. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/reasons-to-forgive-but-not-forget
More References (7)
  1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/turning-straw-gold/201808/its-time-stop-taking-things-personally
  2. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-the-past-and-hurt#prioritize-yourself
  3. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/mental-shifts-to-stop-caring-what-people-think-of-you#tips
  4. ↑ https://hbr.org/2019/05/how-to-stop-worrying-about-what-other-people-think-of-you
  5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/from-striving-to-thriving/202304/what-is-compassion-and-why-should-we-care
  6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-empowerment-diary/201510/how-to-be-more-conscious-and-compassionate
  7. ↑ https://hbr.org/2020/04/to-take-care-of-others-start-by-taking-care-of-yourself

About This Article

Donna Novak, Psy.D Co-authored by: Donna Novak, Psy.D Licensed Clinical Psychologist This article was co-authored by Donna Novak, Psy.D and by wikiHow staff writer, Ali Garbacz, B.A.. Dr. Donna Novak is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Simi Valley, California. With over ten years of experience, Dr. Novak specializes in treating anxiety and relationship and sex concerns. She holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) and a doctoral degree (Psy.D) in Clinical Psychology from Alliant International University-Los Angeles. Dr. Novak uses a differentiation model in treatment that focuses on personal growth by increasing self-awareness, personal motivation, and confidence. This article has been viewed 834,582 times. 21 votes - 76% Co-authors: 54 Updated: May 22, 2025 Views: 834,582 Categories: Emotional Detachment Article SummaryX

One of the best ways to not care about negativity is by forming your own opinions of yourself and the world by taking part in activities like volunteering, traveling, and hobbies. Once you have a positive attitude about yourself and the world, not caring can become much easier. When something bad happens in your life, set aside time to appreciate the good things, like your skills and talents. Focus on being the best version of yourself to ignore negativity when it affects you. To learn about instances where caring is important, scroll down. Did this summary help you?YesNo

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