40 Ways To Be A Better Husband After 40 - Best Life

Here’s something nobody tells you when you first get married: You never stop learning. No, you don’t just wake up after your wedding day as the perfect husband. But that doesn’t mean you’re a failure either. (After all, you’re a human being, and human beings are inherently flawed.) It just means that there’s room for improvement. Even after 10, 20, or 30 years in a relationship, you should still be striving to find ways to be a better partner.

And if you’re in your 40s, there’s no better time than the present to take a closer look at your marriage. We spoke with April Masini, a New-York-based relationship expert, to create the essential checklist of ways you can improve your game to become, if not the perfect husband, at least a better husband than you were yesterday.

1 Listen without waiting for your chance to talk.

This advice is relayed so often that it can sometimes feel like a cliché. But there’s scientific evidence that going to sleep angry is bad for you. In a 2007 study, researchers out of the University of Colorado found that men had a more difficult time suppressing a negative memory after sleep than before. In other words, if they didn’t deal with that negativity in the moment, it would just fester and worsen after a night of slumber. So, if you and your spouse have a disagreement, it’s not going to get easier in the morning, least of all for you.

3 Power down the screens.

“One of the sexiest and most romantic gestures is to stick up for her in front of others,” says Masini. “That’s a true sign of commitment and loyalty.” Even more so when you don’t necessarily agree with her.

Yes, it’s happened to all of us: You’re with other people and your partner says something that’s just glaringly wrong, and you know it. Do you correct them, even if it means embarrassing them in front of friends? Listen, your spouse doesn’t always have to be right, and neither do you. But sometimes you have to choose being a loyal husband over being the arbitrator of facts.

5 Help out around the house.

It’s sweet to give flowers on Valentine’s Day or a birthday or your anniversary. But it’s not going to catch anyone by surprise. Coming home with flowers for no particular reason, just because, will remind your spouse that they’re valued by you. “You may know she is [valued], but don’t take it for granted that she knows it too,” says Masini.

7 Compliment them—without being asked.

A 2011 study out of the University of Missouri revealed that men often avoid sharing their feelings because they think it’s “weird” or a “waste of time.” But the “strong, silent” male stereotype is not beneficial when it comes to a long-term relationship. If you don’t share your feelings, and let your spouse know when you’re angry or sad or jealous or scared, they’re “just going to have to guess,” says Masini. “And that’s not always in your best interest.”

9 But don’t use your spouse as a personal therapist.