5 Ways To Keep A Secret - WikiHow

Home » How To Keep A Secret » 5 Ways To Keep A Secret - WikiHow

Maybe your like

Skip to ContentQuizzes
  • Home
  • Random
  • Browse Articles
  • Quizzes & Games
  • All QuizzesHot
  • Love Quizzes
  • Personality Quizzes
  • Fun Games
  • Dating Simulator
  • Learn Something New
  • Forums
  • Courses
  • Happiness Hub
  • Explore More
  • Support wikiHow
  • About wikiHow
  • Log in / Sign up
Terms of Use wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. Learn why people trust wikiHow How to Keep a Secret PDF download Download Article Co-authored by Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II

Last Updated: April 30, 2025 Fact Checked

PDF download Download Article
  • Keeping Someone Else’s Secret
    • |
  • Keeping Your Own Secret
    • |
  • Avoiding the Topic
    • |
  • Satisfying Your Urge to Tell
    • |
  • Knowing When to Tell
    • |
  • Q&A
|Show more |Show less X

This article was co-authored by Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II. Ebony Eubanks is a Therapist, and Founder and CEO of Peaceful Living Counseling and Professional Services of Philadelphia, PA and in Hockessin, DE. With over a decade of experience providing counseling and coaching to individuals, couples, and groups, she specializes in depression, anxiety, couples work, life guidance coaching, and anger management. Ebony holds a Master’s in Social Work from Temple University and is a member of the Academy of Certified Social Workers. She is a Certified Anger Management Specialist-II, Level II trained Gottman Couples Therapist. and Certified Gestalt Therapist. Ebony also holds additional certifications in Advanced Clinician Training. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 553,991 times.

Being entrusted with a secret can be both a delight and a burden. You should be honored that someone trusts you enough to tell you a secret, but be aware that if you betray that trust, you could damage your relationship with the person who told you. You may also be keeping your own secret, which can be just as difficult as keeping someone else’s secret. Cultivating the willpower to remain quiet will ensure that the secret is kept and will maintain your reputation as a trustworthy person.[1]

Steps

Method 1 Method 1 of 5:

Keeping Someone Else’s Secret

PDF download Download Article
  1. Step 1 Know the seriousness of the secret before you hear it. 1 Know the seriousness of the secret before you hear it. If someone tells you ahead of time that they are going to tell you a secret, ask for more information first.
    • Find out if it is a “little” secret or a “big” secret. This will tell you how important it is that you keep the secret. It will also tell you if you need to give the person your undivided attention while they disclose their secret (looking at your phone while having a serious talk is poor etiquette).
    • Prepare yourself to listen to the secret, knowing if it is something that you can handle.
    • If the secret in question could have legal consequences if you reveal it, you'll need to be even more careful to maintain confidentiality.
  2. Step 2 Ask how long you must keep the secret. 2 Ask how long you must keep the secret. It might be easier to keep a secret if you know you only have to keep it for a certain length of time. If you are expected to keep the secret forever, that is good to know up front as well. Advertisement
  3. Step 3 Find out if you are allowed to tell anyone else. 3 Find out if you are allowed to tell anyone else. When you are told the secret, ask if it is okay to tell anyone else, like your sibling or a partner/spouse.
    • Asking if it is okay to tell can help you avoid an uncomfortable situation in which the person is upset with you.
    • If you know you will tell someone, like a spouse, be up front with that information and warn the person that you are going to tell someone else. You may want to warn them about this before they tell you the secret.
  4. Step 4 Stop the person from telling you. 4 Stop the person from telling you. If you know that you are really bad about keeping secrets, tell the person not to tell you the secret.
    • The person will appreciate your honesty and still has the option of telling you, knowing that you may tell someone else.
    • Suggest that the person tell you the secret right before they tell other people, so you do not have to keep the secret very long.
    • Some studies have shown that keeping a secret puts undue stress on a person. If you wish to avoid added stress, just say no to secrets.[2]
    5. Advertisement
Method 2 Method 2 of 5:

Keeping Your Own Secret

PDF download Download Article
  1. Step 1 Decide how long you want to keep the secret. 1 Decide how long you want to keep the secret. Depending on the type of secret, it may have a built-in end point.
    • Something like a pregnancy or a surprise gift will have a natural end date.
    • Other secrets might not have a natural ending point, and you will just have to decide when you will be ready to tell people.
    • Try waiting a few days if you feel very emotional about the secret. You may regret telling someone immediately and giving yourself a few days to calm down may help you make more rational decisions about when to tell people and who to tell.
  2. Step 2 Make a plan for telling someone. 2 Make a plan for telling someone. If you know that you will be able to tell someone in the future, making a detailed plan about how and when to tell may help you keep the secret in the meantime.
    • If it is a “fun” secret that you’re going to surprise someone with, planning a fun way to tell will help occupy the time before you tell them.
    • If it is a serious secret, make a plan to give yourself and the person you’re going to tell uninterrupted time alone to talk and discuss the secret.
  3. Step 3 Push the secret out of your mind. 3 Push the secret out of your mind. Stay busy with other things and try not to think about the secret too much. If you think about it constantly, it will be much more difficult to keep yourself from telling someone.
  4. Step 4 Think about the benefits of telling your secret. 4 Think about the benefits of telling your secret. If you are keeping a secret that is upsetting you, you may be standing in your own way. Telling someone may give them the opportunity to help you in a way that you may not expect.
  5. Step 5 Entrust your secret to one person. 5 Entrust your secret to one person. If you absolutely must tell someone, be sure you choose the right person.
    • Think about your past experiences with that person. Have they been trustworthy and discreet in the past?
    • Be explicit about your expectations when you tell the person your secret: are they allowed to tell anyone? Who and when can they tell?
    • Know that telling anyone opens up the possibility that the secret will get out.
    6. Advertisement
Method 3 Method 3 of 5:

Avoiding the Topic

PDF download Download Article
  1. Step 1 Do not bring up the topic to anyone. 1 Do not bring up the topic to anyone. If you bring up the topic of the secret in a conversation with someone, you will likely be tempted to tell the secret. You may (consciously or subconsciously) bring up a related topic hoping that you will have the opportunity to tell the secret. Being aware of this can help keep you from doing it subconsciously.
  2. Step 2 Change the conversation topic if necessary. 2 Change the conversation topic if necessary. If you are talking to someone who mentions something related to the secret, you may need to change the topic of conversation.
    • Continuing to talk about something that reminds you of the secret will put it in the front of your mind and may tempt you to tell.
    • Try to change the subject casually so that the person does not notice that you are avoiding telling them something.
    • If necessary, find a reason to leave. Sometimes removing yourself from the conversation is the only way to keep quiet.
  3. Step 3 Pretend you do not know anything. 3 Pretend you do not know anything. If someone suspects that you know a secret, try to be vague if they ask you about it directly.
    • You may be able to pretend you don’t know by asking questions about the secret.
  4. Step 4 Lie if you have to. 4 Lie if you have to. You may need to lie about knowing the secret. If you do lie, be sure you remember what you told the person, so you don’t get “caught” in the lie. It’s better to just lie and say you don’t know (even though you do) than to make up an elaborate detailed lie.
  5. Step 5 Be honest. 5 Be honest. If someone keeps pressing you for information, tell them “I cannot talk to you about this at this time.” Even though you’re admitting that you know something, you are not telling the secret.
    • If the person is persistent, politely tell them to stop asking you.
    6. Advertisement
Method 4 Method 4 of 5:

Satisfying Your Urge to Tell

PDF download Download Article
  1. Step 1 Write it down and destroy it. 1 Write it down and destroy it. Writing about the secret in detail on paper, then destroying the evidence, can be a good way to “get it out.”[3]
    • Be sure you thoroughly destroy the evidence. Consider burning it (safely) or shredding it in a paper shredder.
    • If you put it in a trash can, tear it into pieces and bury it underneath the trash. Consider putting the pieces in separate trash cans and/or taking the trash out to the curb or dumpster immediately after throwing the paper away.
  2. Step 2 Find an anonymous place online to tell. 2 Find an anonymous place online to tell. There are some forums for posting secrets so you can get it out but remain completely anonymous.
    • Be sure you are truly in an anonymous environment.
  3. Step 3 Tell an inanimate object or an animal. 3 Tell an inanimate object or an animal. Telling the secret to a stuffed animal, a pet, or a collectible item may help you feel like you have told someone. If you feel like you’re going to burst because you haven’t told anyone, this may help get the immediacy of your urge to tell out.
    • Be sure that there is no one nearby to overhear what you are saying.
    • Be sure your phone and computer are not connected to calls or audio chat before you speak aloud to an object.
    • You may also consider telling a baby who cannot speak yet. You might feel like you are telling a person, but the danger of the secret getting out would be very low.
  4. Step 4 Tell yourself in the mirror. 4 Tell yourself in the mirror. If you need to feel like you are telling another human, try telling yourself the secret in the mirror. Pretend you have a twin sibling and talk to yourself. This may seem silly, but it might help.
    • Again, be sure that there is no one nearby to overhear what you are saying.
  5. Step 5 Get the secret energy out of your body. 5 Get the secret energy out of your body. Sometimes, hearing a secret makes you feel like you’re going to explode. There is a physical connection between your body and keeping secrets.[4] Get the jitters out by yelling or dancing around—anything that will get that excited energy out of you so that you don’t run and tell someone the secret instead.
  6. Step 6 Tell one person who is very trustworthy. 6 Tell one person who is very trustworthy. If you absolutely must tell another human, be sure that it is someone who can keep a secret.
    • If you are keeping a secret about another person, try telling a third party who doesn’t know the original person.
    • If you do tell someone, be sure they understand that the matter is a secret, and they should not tell anyone.
    • Know that telling anyone opens up the possibility that the secret will get out, and that people may find out it was you who told.
    7. Advertisement
Method 5 Method 5 of 5:

Knowing When to Tell

PDF download Download Article
  1. Step 1 Evaluate whether the secret is dangerous. 1 Evaluate whether the secret is dangerous. If the secret involves one or more people being hurt, you may need to tell someone who can help, particularly if there are minors involved.
    • If someone is harming or has harmed themselves or another person, you may need to report it.
    • If someone is involved in criminal activity and tells you about it, you might be held legally responsible for not reporting the action.
  2. Step 2 Know if there is an end point or deadline. 2 Know if there is an end point or deadline. If you asked about telling the secret when you found out, double-check to see if it is still an appropriate time before you start telling people. Some events, like surprise parties, will have an obvious “secret” deadline.
    • Ask if your “reward” for keeping the secret can be getting to tell someone yourself when the time is right. Whatever you do, do NOT text the secret to anyone because then they have proof that YOU told them. Tell the person in person.
    • Depending on the secret, you may not want to tell other people that you knew before they did. This may hurt the feelings of the person’s close friends or family.
  3. Step 3 Weigh the risks and benefits of telling. 3 Weigh the risks and benefits of telling. Any time you decide to tell a secret to someone else, you must evaluate the risk of many people finding out and you being thought of as untrustworthy against the satisfaction you will feel when you tell someone the secret.[5]
    • If you are considering telling a secret, write down a list of pros and cons to telling.[6] This can help you make a well-reasoned decision.
    4. Advertisement

Community Q&A

Search Add New Question
  • Question How can I prevent myself from sharing my secrets? Lin110 Lin110 Community Answer To avoid revealing your secrets, actively steer clear of discussing related topics. If a relevant topic comes up, remind yourself to maintain confidentiality before you speak. Thanks! We're glad this was helpful. Thank you for your feedback. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow Yes No Not Helpful 7 Helpful 106
  • Question How can I avoid telling my parents that I have a boyfriend? Community Answer Community Answer To avoid telling your parents about your boyfriend, try not to bring up the subject of relationships, and steer conversations away from topics that might lead to discussing him. Keep in mind that if your relationship becomes serious, you may eventually need to have a conversation with them about it. Thanks! We're glad this was helpful. Thank you for your feedback. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow Yes No Not Helpful 19 Helpful 128
  • Question How can I address accidentally sharing a family secret and prevent its further disclosure? Community Answer Community Answer You should emphasize to the person the importance of keeping the secret and clearly explain the potential consequences of its disclosure, ensuring they understand the impact it could have. Thanks! We're glad this was helpful. Thank you for your feedback. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow Yes No Not Helpful 16 Helpful 135
See more answers Ask a Question 200 characters left Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Submit Advertisement

Tips

Submit a Tip All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published Name Please provide your name and last initial Submit Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

You Might Also Like

Get Someone to Tell You a SecretHow toGet Someone to Tell You a Secret Avoid GossipingHow to Stop Gossiping Keep Your Mouth ShutHow and When to Keep Your Mouth Shut (And When to Speak Up) Tell a Lie Without Being CaughtHow to Tell a Lie Without Being Caught (& Become a Better Liar) Hide What You FeelHow toHide What You Feel Deal With a CrushHow toDeal With a Crush Tell Someone You Self HarmHow toTell Someone You Self Harm GossipHow toGossip Deal With GossipHow to Respond to Gossip at School or in the Workplace Be HonestHow toBe Honest Build TrustHow toBuild Trust Make a Lie Sound ConvincingHow toMake a Lie Sound Convincing Resist the Urge to Eavesdrop6 Reasons to Stop Eavesdropping on People’s Conversations Stop Talking About Friends Behind Their BacksHow toStop Talking About Friends Behind Their Backs Advertisement

References

  1. ↑ Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II. Therapist. Expert Interview
  2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/let-their-words-do-the-talking/202105/why-keeping-secrets-heightens-anxiety-and-depression
  3. ↑ https://psychologies.co.uk/self/how-to-keep-a-secret.html
  4. ↑ https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-the-secrets-you-keep-are-hurting-you/
  5. ↑ Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II. Therapist. Expert Interview
  6. ↑ https://www.nami.org/Your-Journey/Individuals-with-Mental-Illness/Disclosing-to-Others

About This Article

Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II Co-authored by: Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II Therapist This article was co-authored by Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II. Ebony Eubanks is a Therapist, and Founder and CEO of Peaceful Living Counseling and Professional Services of Philadelphia, PA and in Hockessin, DE. With over a decade of experience providing counseling and coaching to individuals, couples, and groups, she specializes in depression, anxiety, couples work, life guidance coaching, and anger management. Ebony holds a Master’s in Social Work from Temple University and is a member of the Academy of Certified Social Workers. She is a Certified Anger Management Specialist-II, Level II trained Gottman Couples Therapist. and Certified Gestalt Therapist. Ebony also holds additional certifications in Advanced Clinician Training. This article has been viewed 553,991 times. 35 votes - 84% Co-authors: 69 Updated: April 30, 2025 Views: 553,991 Categories: Communication Skills Article SummaryX

If you’ve been asked to keep a secret, avoid talking about the topic of the secret with anyone else. For instance, if you know a friend is lying to their boyfriend or girlfriend, try to avoid talking about dishonesty, otherwise, you could be tempted to talk about the secret. You can also try to change the subject by talking about something else if someone else brings it up first. If you’re asked directly about the secret, tell the person that you can’t talk about it, and ask them to respect that. Keep reading to learn how writing down the secret can help you avoid confessing it! Did this summary help you?YesNo

In other languages Spanish Italian Russian Portuguese French Indonesian German
  • Print
  • Send fan mail to authors
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 553,991 times.

Reader Success Stories

  • Aaliyah

    Aaliyah

    Nov 8, 2021

    "This article helped me to keep a secret with my teachers. I want to make a card for my teachers, but it have to be..." more
More reader stories Hide reader stories Share your story

Did this article help you?

Yes No Advertisement Cookies make wikiHow better. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our cookie policy. Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II Co-authored by: Ebony Eubanks, MSW, ACSW, CAMS-II Therapist Co-authors: 69 Updated: April 30, 2025 Views: 553,991 84% of readers found this article helpful. 35 votes - 84% Click a star to add your vote Aaliyah

Aaliyah

Nov 8, 2021

"This article helped me to keep a secret with my teachers. I want to make a card for my teachers, but it have to be..." more Aliya Hoskinson

Aliya Hoskinson

Dec 17, 2017

"This is very helpful. Last year I said I would never get my ears pierced and I'm gonna let them be surprised..." more Kristen Stewart

Kristen Stewart

Jun 21, 2017

"I live in the U.S. I have lost my most precious item and this article really helped me a lot. Thank you so much for..." more Rated this article: Anonymous

Anonymous

Oct 11, 2017

"It was all very helpful. I especially liked the tip about getting the secret energy out of your body by dancing..." more Marina Davis

Marina Davis

Dec 29, 2017

"What helped me was the answers to all the individual struggles of a secret, not just the obvious ones." Share yours! More success stories Hide success stories

Quizzes & Games

Guess My Deepest Secret QuizGuess My Deepest Secret QuizTake QuizAm I Mean QuizAm I Mean QuizTake QuizAm I Selfish QuizAm I Selfish QuizTake QuizAm I Clingy QuizAm I Clingy QuizTake QuizAm I a Pathological Liar QuizAm I a Pathological Liar QuizTake QuizTest My Ethics QuizTest My Ethics QuizTake Quiz

You Might Also Like

Get Someone to Tell You a SecretHow toGet Someone to Tell You a SecretAvoid GossipingHow to Stop GossipingKeep Your Mouth ShutHow and When to Keep Your Mouth Shut (And When to Speak Up)Tell a Lie Without Being CaughtHow to Tell a Lie Without Being Caught (& Become a Better Liar)

Featured Articles

250+ Messages to Reassure Your Partner (For Him & Her)250+ Messages to Reassure Your Partner (For Him & Her)What Is My Favorite Color QuizWhat Is My Favorite Color Quiz215+ Funny & Creative Personalized Vanity Plate Ideas215+ Funny & Creative Personalized Vanity Plate Ideas100+ Creative Ways to Say Good Night100+ Creative Ways to Say Good NightWhy Can't I Sleep QuizWhy Can't I Sleep Quiz150+ Love Paragraphs to Make Him Feel Special150+ Love Paragraphs to Make Him Feel Special

Trending Articles

Make OutHow toMake OutHow Rare Is My Birthday QuizHow Rare Is My Birthday QuizRandom Fortune GeneratorRandom Fortune GeneratorIs Your Personality More 6 or 7?Is Your Personality More 6 or 7?What Should My Name Really Be QuizWhat Should My Name Really Be QuizIs a Guy You Don't Know Well Interested in You?Is a Guy You Don't Know Well Interested in You?

Featured Articles

What Does Your Tattoo Placement Mean? Spiritual & Aesthetic MeaningsWhat Does Your Tattoo Placement Mean? Spiritual & Aesthetic Meanings19 of the Rarest Wonders from around the World19 of the Rarest Wonders from around the WorldWhat Is the Fun Scale? The 3 Types of Fun & Their BenefitsWhat Is the Fun Scale? The 3 Types of Fun & Their BenefitsWhat Is My Aesthetic QuizWhat Is My Aesthetic Quiz Celebrate Xmas: Expert Advice on Enjoying the HolidaysHow to Celebrate Xmas: Expert Advice on Enjoying the HolidaysHilarious Clean Jokes That’ll Make Adults & Kids LaughHilarious Clean Jokes That’ll Make Adults & Kids Laugh

Featured Articles

Am I Ready For A Relationship QuizAm I Ready For A Relationship QuizWhy Is He Ignoring Me? 12 Possible Reasons (Plus, What to Do)Why Is He Ignoring Me? 12 Possible Reasons (Plus, What to Do)A Complete Style Guide for the Gamine Kibbe Body TypeA Complete Style Guide for the Gamine Kibbe Body Type Tell if You’re in LoveHow to Tell if You’re in LoveWhich Chaotic Evil Villain Am I QuizWhich Chaotic Evil Villain Am I QuizWhat Does It Mean If Someone Tries to Kill You in Your Dream?What Does It Mean If Someone Tries to Kill You in Your Dream?

Watch Articles

Wrap a Round GiftHow toWrap a Round GiftSteam in an OvenHow toSteam in an Oven Make Plant-Based Meat: 4 Incredible RecipesHow to Make Plant-Based Meat: 4 Incredible RecipesClean a Silver NecklaceHow toClean a Silver Necklace4 Easy Ways to Open a Can of Soda4 Easy Ways to Open a Can of SodaPart Your HairHow toPart Your Hair

Trending Articles

Which Classic Christmas Movie Character Am I?Which Classic Christmas Movie Character Am I?Can We Guess If You're a Cat or Dog Person?Can We Guess If You're a Cat or Dog Person?What Am I Craving QuizWhat Am I Craving Quiz30 of the Hardest Riddles on Earth: The Harvard Riddle & Beyond30 of the Hardest Riddles on Earth: The Harvard Riddle & BeyondWhich of the Big Three Are Your Parents? (Percy Jackson)Which of the Big Three Are Your Parents? (Percy Jackson) Perform Magic: 8 Tricks for BeginnersHow to Perform Magic: 8 Tricks for Beginners

Quizzes & Games

Am I Manipulative QuizAm I Manipulative QuizTake QuizHow Self-Aware Am I QuizHow Self-Aware Am I QuizTake QuizAm I a Bad Person QuizAm I a Bad Person QuizTake QuizAm I Toxic QuizAm I Toxic QuizTake QuizAm I Mature Quiz Am I Mature Quiz Take QuizAm I a Good Friend QuizAm I a Good Friend QuizTake Quiz wikiHow
  • Categories
  • Education and Communications
  • Communication Skills
wikiHow Newsletter You're all set! Helpful how-tos delivered toyour inbox every week! Sign me up! By signing up you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy.
  • Home
  • About wikiHow
  • Experts
  • Jobs
  • Contact Us
  • Site Map
  • Terms of Use
  • Privacy Policy
  • Do Not Sell or Share My Info
  • Not Selling Info
  • Contribute

Follow Us

×

wikiHow Tech Help Pro:

Level up your tech skills and stay ahead of the curve

Let's go! X --724

Tag » How To Keep A Secret