5 Ways To Move On From An Ex You Still Love - Tikvah Lake Recovery

A breakup doesn’t just end a relationship. It can destroy your self-worth and leave you feeling lonely and unwanted. Breakups can deeply affect your emotional well-being, especially when feelings still linger. It’s natural to replay events and question what went wrong, but healing starts when you turn that energy inward.

It can sound easy and even patronizing to suggest that you should think about your mental health when you’re at your lowest and deeply vulnerable. It can feel like your whole life’s come to a halt. That all your hopes and dreams have turned to dust.

It’s natural to want solitude. To pause, reflect, and understand what led to the breakup without judgment.Probably you need to analyze all your actions and wonder whether you could have done anything differently to be with the person you still love.

But here’s the unavoidable truth: That’s never an objective assessment, more so when you’re in love with your ex. From “what went wrong” to “it’s all my fault” is a quick and painful journey. It’s an inward spiral that only worsens the wound.

The only way out of it is to move on. While it may seem impossible, here are five baby steps you can start taking right now.

1. Cut off all communication (Both direct and indirect)

For the sake of your emotional and mental well-being, the first step is creating distance. You don’t need to know where your ex is, what they’re doing, or who they’re with. For now, it’s healthiest to step back completely.

It can feel crushing to step out of someone’s life, especially when they once meant everything to you. But right now, the focus has to shift back to you: your healing, your growth, and your peace of mind.

You might be tempted to stay friends, but that’s rarely possible in the early stages of healing. Trying to stay close usually reopens old wounds or keeps you stuck in hope for something that’s already ended. In time, when both of you have healed, you may find space for a cordial friendship. But for now, distance is an act of self-care, not punishment.

Unfollow or mute them on social media, and remove yourself from shared chats or group spaces where you might see updates about their life. It’s just as important to avoid indirect contact — like asking friends how they’re doing or scrolling through their profiles.

Any form of communication, even passive, can trigger memories of the past or fantasies about the future. Giving yourself full space, both online and offline, helps you release those emotional loops and start rebuilding your own life.

2. Forgive the past

It’s completely normal for a breakup to bring up regret, anger, or confusion. You might catch yourself replaying moments, wondering what you could’ve done differently, or feeling angry at your ex, or even at yourself, for how things unfolded.

The more you analyze it, the easier it is to get pulled into that emotional spiral. When betrayal or hurt is involved, those memories can replay over and over, swinging between sadness, anger, and guilt. Eventually, it starts to feel like you’re trapped in a loop. Regret feeding anger, anger leading to helplessness, and helplessness bringing you back to regret.

If you still love your ex, that cycle can feel even heavier. It’s easy to overlook their flaws and shoulder the blame yourself. But that self-blame keeps you anchored in the past and blocks the healing process.

The goal isn’t to forget what happened or pretend it didn’t hurt. That’s not realistic. Instead, try to accept and release the past. Writing down what happened or talking it through with a therapist or trusted friend can help you see things more objectively.

As you process, focus on forgiving. Not as an excuse for anyone’s behavior, but as a conscious choice to stop letting the pain control you. Forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning; it means releasing resentment so it no longer defines you.

And remember, forgiveness isn’t a single moment. Memories may resurface, and emotions may return. When they do, remind yourself that healing takes time. Each time you choose compassion over blame, you move one step closer to emotional freedom

3. Let’s get real

Every relationship has two versions: the reality and the story we tell ourselves about it. After a breakup, it’s common to hold on to the idealized version, the moments that felt magical, the connection that once seemed unbreakable, the fantasy of what it could have been.

But nostalgia can be selective. When you find yourself thinking, “It was perfect — I just want that back,” you’re often remembering the highlights, not the whole picture. If it truly had been perfect, it wouldn’t have ended. Relationships end for complex reasons. Often, a mix of unmet needs, timing, communication gaps, or emotional mismatches.

When you look back, your mind may blur the painful moments and amplify the good ones. This is your brain’s way of easing loss, but it can keep you stuck in longing instead of acceptance. To heal, try to reflect on the relationship realistically — both the joy it brought and the challenges that made it unsustainable.

One powerful tool for this is journaling. Write about your relationship honestly: the good, the bad, and the in-between. Putting your thoughts on paper helps you see patterns, understand what really happened, and separate truth from fantasy. Over time, this exercise helps you form a balanced view of your ex and the relationship. Not to diminish what you had, but to free yourself from idealization.

Acknowledging the full picture doesn’t erase the love that existed. It simply gives you permission to let go and start building something new with clearer eyes and a stronger sense of self.

4. Understand that it’s natural to still love your ex

After a breakup, emotions rarely move in a straight line. One day you might feel angry, the next nostalgic, and the next completely numb. Healing isn’t tidy; it’s full of ups, downs, and unexpected turns. If you still feel love for your ex, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed to move on. Those feelings are often echoes of a deep emotional bond. Reminders of the time, care, and connection you once shared. What you felt was real, and it’s normal for that love to linger even after the relationship ends.

Instead of judging yourself for still caring, try to see it as proof of your capacity to love deeply. You’re human, and that ability to feel love, even after pain, is one of your greatest strengths. Over time, that love can shift into something gentler. It becomes less about wanting the person back and more about acknowledging what they meant to you. It’s not the consuming, possessive kind of love you once knew; it’s a softer, more accepting form that can coexist with letting go.

Think of it like a place you once visited that changed you. You can appreciate the memories and the lessons it gave you without wanting to go back and live there again. You’re grateful for what it was and ready to explore what’s next.

5. Don’t forget to love you

A good indicator of strong mental health is self-acceptance. It means understanding yourself, forgiving your mistakes, and treating yourself with kindness. That can be difficult to do, especially after ending a relationship with someone you still care about.

At this stage, it’s normal to feel uncertain or question whether you’re worthy of love. But healing doesn’t come from looking for answers in someone else. It starts with rebuilding your own confidence and sense of stability.

Try to notice how you speak to yourself. When negative thoughts come up, replace them with realistic reminders of your strengths and the progress you’re making.

The fact that your relationship ended isn’t proof that something is wrong with you or your ex. Sometimes people simply grow apart or face circumstances they can’t control. Over time, focusing on yourself will help you regain clarity, trust, and openness to future relationships.

In short

Moving on from an ex you still love is important for your mental health. It’s a process that will have its good days and bad days. But what you’ve got to do is remind yourself that things are getting better every day. And that you’re shedding the past, getting rid of your emotional baggage, and coming out of it stronger and healthier.