50 Of The Gayest Nerdiest Things You Weirdos Named Your Pets

This month’s “Queer With Your Pets” gallery, which solicited reader photos of human beings with their animal friends, netted a whopping 230 submissions, and it’s a glorious gallery and a nice thing to have in our lives right now!

I noticed something very interesting while reading through the entire gallery despite my very public and consistent opposition to the existence of cats — y’all are super gay and also big nerds. Like if you were in my house and I woke up and walked downstairs and saw you sitting at the table I would say to you, “Hello, you’re gay and also a big nerd.” If your pet has a gay nerdy name and it’s not on this list I’m sorry I had to stop before the list became 230 items long, I love you to pieces and I love your pet and your pet’s name, unless it’s a cat, in which case I love looking at pictures of your cat but would rather not see it in person because of allergies. Thank you so much!

Feel free to vote in the comments on the Gayest Pet Name.

1. Ramona “We got her when she was ‘Ramona Age 8 Weeks’ but she quickly grew into ‘Ramona the Pest.’”

2. Stella “After Gillian Anderson’s character in The Fall”

3. Harvey Milk “Full name City Supurrvisor Harvard Pigpen Poopy-pants Milk Karvonen-Quigley.”

4. Mary Oliver “I adopted her after moving to New York because I couldn’t survive grad school on glitter trash island without the ‘soft animal of [my] body.’ That’s a line from Mary Oliver’s poem “Wild Geese.’”

5. Lilith “After the biblical Lilith”

6. Butch

7. Lady Galadriel “Once, we were watching Lord of the Rings and Lady Galadriel appears on screen in all her terrifying glory, and I glance over to the girl cat to see if she’s paying attention, and I swear she was literally glowing. Like an elfin goddess. She named herself.”

8. Countess Sparklybitch “In honour of Countess Markiewicz, a heroine of the uprising.”

9. Batman “I changed Batman’s name from Brian… it didn’t seem to suit him.”

10. Scout “I agreed [to name her Scout] cause I love To Kill a Mockingbird.”

11. Scout “In honor of Brenda’s time as a Girl Scout”

12. Captain Killian “A badass but sensitive pirate (AKA Captain Hook!) on ABCs Once Upon A Time.”

13. Whiskey “We got Whiskey when she was a puppy in CT (we lived in Boston at the time). We named her after Whiskey in Dollhouse (she only ever wanted to be the best!) although now we just sound like alcoholics a lot.”

14. Whisky “He looks like a delicious whisky and I think it’s a pleasantly gender neutral name.”

15. Brice “After Williams-Brice Stadium, the football home of the University of South Carolina Gamecocks.”

16. Henry & Hazel “Henry’s full name is Henry Tim Riggins. Henry because he’s a little gentleman, and if you don’t get Tim Riggins, I can’t possibly explain it. Hazel’s full name is Hazelnut Clover, and it’s because we like old lady names. Plus nature-y things. The alliteration with her brother’s name is also good!”

17. Ziggy “Ziggy is short for ziggurat, which means ‘strong tower.’”

18. Matti “I was seeing a girl at the time who reignited my interest in baseball cards and more specifically Don Mattingly, so we named her after him.”

19. Luna Fluffgood

20. Luna “I named her Luna, because I’m a witch, and I also love Sailor Moon, and her astrological sign is Cancer, which is ruled by the moon.”

21. Gertrude “I named her Gertrude, after Stein, because she reminded me of an elderly lesbian.”

22. Taro “Taro / 芋仔 is basically a Taiwanese potato, and he’s a little potato for sure.”

22. Junia “The first (and possibly only) woman apostle that Paul mentions in the New Testament.”

23. Bishka “I named her Bishka because it’s the diminutive for Albina – the name of my celebrity “root.”  Albina in various languages means “white”, and her namesake is known for being a mercurial ice queen which fits perfectly with my cat’s tendency to be incredibly affectionate for 15 minutes but protest loudly for the rest of her life if you dare to pet her outside those confined periods. Bishka is a very lesbian cat because she hates male cats, rocks an alternative lifestyle wardrobe without complaint, and is really good at processing her feelings openly and loudly. She’s very much a teenager in her angst and emotions, and my girlfriend and I have been pouring our energy in helping her manage her stress, but sometimes all we can do is let her storm off and have her tantrums in private because her moms will just never understand how life is so unfair.  She loves using hands as a pillow and sometimes will knead fleecy blankets while simultaneously chewing on them (something I’ve dubbed her “nom-and-knead”)”

24. Neville “I’m a huge Harry Potter fan”

25. Mikoto “…an anime character who turns into a cat when she gets hungry.”

26. Leonardo DiCatrio “I debated whether to name him after Leonardo DaVinci or DiCaprio. Ultimately, the pun won out.”

27. Sprout “a member of the band Northern State.”

28. Lucy “I named her after Lucille Ball, which, IMHO, is pretty gay.”

29. Charles Avocado VanGogh “I wanted his name to be VanGogh (my favorite painter), my ex wanted his name to be Charlie (after Charlie Day from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia). I took up calling him Charles, which really happened to work out once I realized RuPaul’s last name is Charles. And I loved Avocados, so it was natural to make that his last name.”