50 Things Your Partner Should Never Say To You - Redbook

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Surprise: "You complete me" only works in movies, not real life.

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"This comes across very blunt and hurtful, and seems like you don't really want to spend time with your partner. The message underneath is 'you are not that important to me. These other things are more important to me than you.'" —Gabrielle Parkinson, M.A., executive coach

RELATED: 45 Things You Should Never Say In a Relationship

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"Telling someone they need to grow up is a backhanded way of saying 'You are not where you should be right now.' Whether the comment is being directed at where they are emotionally or professionally, it's an insulting way telling someone they are not who they need to be for you to love them. And the truth is, love can't foster — let alone thrive — in an environment of conditional love." —Chelsea Leigh Trescott, breakup coach and relationship advice columnist

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"This is not only rude and condescending, it's a clear message that your partner does not want to hear what you have to say. It's also a clear message that your feelings and thoughts don't matter. A good partner will open you up, not shut you down." —Suzanne Casamento, dating expert and founder of Fantasy Dating

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"When your partner brings in past transgressions into current arguments, especially tangential instances, this shows they are not forgiving. Then you'll feel as if the past will always hang over the relationship and there's no moving forward. This may make you feel like you're constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, leading to anxiety and resentment." —Elizabeth Minei, Ph.D., assistant professor at Baruch College in New York

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"Your partner should never say is anything in a public setting that puts you down. Often times people like to build themselves up but they do it accidentally (or on purpose) at the expense of someone else." —Stacey Greene, relationship expert and author of Stronger Than Broken

RELATED: 7 Things You Should Never Tell People About Your Relationship

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"If you have a concern of any kind, having your partner brush it off by saying 'It's no big deal' is definitely a big deal. This shows they have no regard for your feelings. Your feelings should always count." —Greene

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"This abusive strategy is meant to disarm you and keep you in fear for your life and the life of everyone you hold dear. You never know when this threat will become real, therefore you are in a state of heighten awareness, similar to PTSD. This is the most dangerous thing a partner can say to you because you do not know if they are seeking attention of if the threat of death is eminent." —Kandee Lewis, executive director at Positive Results Corporation

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"If your partner is selfish when it comes to sex — whether it's guilt tripping you into having sex when you don't want to or ignoring your need for pleasure in the bedroom—not having your needs met sexually may be a sign to end the relationship. Just because your partner got an orgasm doesn't meet your needs have been fulfilled." —Kimberly Hershenson, licensed master of social work, therapist in New York City

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"Be aware of how your partner addresses you. If he or she berates your abilities, appearance, or ambitions, that reveals a tendency to decrease your self-esteem and shake your confidence, making you more easily controlled. This sets the scene for you being more likely to become abused, and ultimately create a situation in which it is very hard to escape." —Alena Gerst, licensed clinical social worker, therapist in New York City

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"Any time your partner starts with 'a real man/woman...' their goal is to get you to behave as they wish by insulting or shaming you. It's a red flag because they're attempting change you into what they want." —Kevin Darné, relationship expert and author of My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany)

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"This particular statement puts a tremendous amount of pressure on you as this makes you the primary, and possibly only, source of your partner's happiness. While it may feel good to hear this in the short run, over time you will very likely begin to resent them for putting that much pressure on you." —Gary Brown, Ph.D., licensed marriage and family counselor and couples therapist in Los Angeles, CA

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"Responses such as this takes disrespect to a new level and is an effort by your partner to silence you or keep you from expressing your thoughts. They're essentially saying whatever you think doesn't matter. Their anger is supposed to intimidate you. It may also be the first step towards potential physical abuse if you continue to disobey their instructions." —Darné

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"People with possible addiction problems (drinking, gambling, or any other excessive behavior) seldom admit it. They're much more likely to blame the partner for objecting. A partner who expresses concern is told 'You're too critical,' 'Can't you see I'm just trying to relax,' or anything else that lets the person avoid admitting a problem. This often causes the partner to back off and the problematic behavior to continue." —Jill Whitney, licensed marriage and family therapist in Old Lyme, CT

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"This gives the impression that a problem is all yours, rather than one you're both working on together. A better way to phrase the question would be, 'Would you please help me understand why this bothers you so much?'" —Susan Edelman, M.D., psychiatrist and author of Be Your Own Brand of Sexy

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"Often in relationships, people will say things to hurt one another, as a way of punishing or getting back at the other person. However, if you continue to hear that your partner doesn't care about you and they show you with their behaviors, such as forgetting about you, not taking you into consideration, or simply just not paying attention to you, you can look at this as a major sign that the relationship is near its end." —Erika Boissiere, couples and marriage licensed therapist at The Relationship Institute of San Francisco

RELATED: 10 Signs Your Marriage May Be Doomed

"This kind of statement is damaging because it is such a direct assault on your intelligence. Repeated insults can chip away at your self-worth, and it's also not a constructive or interesting way to talk about differences in opinions or ideas." —Shula Melamed, relationship and wellness coach

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"Any sentence that starts out with 'your children' is hitting below the belt and is going to be tough to rewind. Typically, couples use these zingers in the heat of a real fight when they're feeling that they aren't being heard or they aren't happy with the way things are. They lash out at what their partner loves most, often their children." —April Masini, relationship and etiquette expert and author based in New York

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"When a partner says or believes they are fundamentally more important than you, you will always struggle with gaining equality in your relationship. In their eyes, you are below them, and that is nowhere to be. Relationships must stand on an equal ground." —Boisierre

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"If your partner hurts you in any way physically, emotionally, or psychologically, and then says you 'made' them shows that they aren't willing to take accountability for their actions. This is a tactic abusers use to try and get away with their harmful behaviors and create an environment of fear within the relationship. Run." —Melamed

"No matter how free and open you think the two of you are, the minute your partner says they are attracted to or would like to sleep with one of your best friends, that spirit of intimacy you share is shattered. Couples who feel that they are so secure they can tell each other everything and anything because their bond is unbreakable would be wise to keep a few things to themselves. If you're sexually attracted to someone who's not a movie star, and is in your actual lives, it's a bad idea to communicate this lust." —Masini

RELATED: 6 Women Texted Guys Their Most Secret Sex Fantasies — Here's What Happened

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