6 Animals Whose Mating Habits Make Humans Look Like Prudes

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6 Cape Ground Squirrels Suck Their Own Gigantic Dicks

Oral sex isn't a human invention, though we were the first species smart enough to film it and put it on the internet. Many animals, from brown bears to bats, like to get down on the lowdown. But none of them are kinkier than the Cape ground squirrel, a rodent from Southern Africa that can pull a full Bannon.

Researcher Jane Waterman spent 2,000 hours squirrel-watching in Namibia, which consisted mostly of trying not to make eye contact as solitary male squirrels blew themselves. And it's not just because they're flexible; Cape ground squirrel wangs are gigantic relative to their size, more than 40 percent of their entire body length. A human of such proportions would have a penis roughly 28 inches long.

You want to know more, you say?

Oh, you didn't? Too bad.

The squirrels use both paws to stabilize and masturbate themselves during their autofellatio, which usually ends with them swallowing their own load.

6 Animals Whose Mating Habits Make Humans Look Like Prudes
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Waterman believes they are clearing their urinary tracts after sex to prevent STDs, like when humans get an urge to pee after sex. But since the squirrels live in an arid environment, they can't afford to waste any water. Therefore, they autofellate and swallow the byproduct to avoid dehydration.

Right.

We're sure that's how the squirrels explained it when she first caught them.

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