6 Creepy Things That Happen To The Human Body (When You Die)

4 Your Casket Can Explode (Especially If It's A Fancy One)

If you're buying a casket, please make sure it's a well-ventilated one. Seriously. You might be thinking, "I'll be dead, why would I care what it smells like in there?" Well, you might not, but the people around you certainly will once you fucking explode.

That's not ectoplasm, unfortunately.

Today, more and more middle-class Americans are opting for above-ground mausoleums and airtight caskets ... which is really, really dumb. For starters, storing decomposing bodies in enclosed, uncooled buildings is just not a good idea, at all, ever. Your embalmed body may be protected from the creepy-crawly things that live in the ground, but it's still rotting. That means it's fair game for whatever happens to be around. When you decompose above the ground, you expose yourself to air and moisture, regardless of whether your family shelled out the extra cash for a special "airtight" casket to keep you fresh longer. You might as well be buying the world's most expensive Ziploc bag.

More importantly, you're setting yourself up for something far, far more likely to traumatize your relatives (and everyone within smelling distance). That "protective" casket you got is a haven for anaerobic bacteria, and they're getting busy in there, slowly turning you into a sludgy paste. When your un-air-conditioned above-ground tomb sits in the hot sun long enough to turn your tasteful resting place into a stew pot, it's a-boilin' over. Pressure builds as the bacteria that have been slowly liquefying your remains emit gases, and after that ... BOOM. Your dead ass is a human juice grenade. You can look up photos of the aftermath if you don't believe us, but we seriously don't recommend it.

Please enjoy this kitten birthday party instead.

When your casket explodes in a mausoleum, your horrified relatives will arrive to find your goo leaking out onto the floor, and there's no way in the world to un-see that. Mausoleum owners know this. That's why they sometimes get sued for opening the caskets to let out the gas -- but they're really doing a huge favor to you, your family, and especially the place's poor janitor.