6 Things Proctologists Want You To Know

Seinfeld fans remember when the DMV screwed up and issued Kramer a license plate that read ASSMAN. The plate was meant for a proctologist, and the story played for the usual laughs. But really, proctology is no laughing matter. If you're having problems in that butt-of-jokes area, rest assured that you can—and should—talk to a proctologist. Embarrassed to chat about anal itching, unexplained pooping pain, or hemorrhoids that won't go away? Don't be. A qualified proctologist has heard it all, and more. Here are 6 things that these specialists want you to know. (Hack your gut bacteria for easier-than-ever weight loss and overall health!)

We're not called proctologists anymore. Call them colorectal surgeons (or colon and rectal surgeons), please. The term "proctologist" hasn't officially been used since 1961! The reason for the swap: Proctology refers to the anus, rectum, and sigmoid colon, but these experts specialize in the entire gastric tract, says Jean Ashburn, MD, a colorectal surgeon at Cleveland Clinic. If that sounds an awful lot like what gastroenterologists do, it's because it is—with an important distinction. "How we differ from a gastroenterologist is that we can provide surgical treatment," Ashburn explains. That means a colorectal surgeon can screen you for colon cancer, as well as treat the disease. Proctologists—sorry, colorectal surgeons—are also happy to help with less life-threatening (but still uncomfortable) matters such as an itchy anus. 

If you're over 50, you need a colonoscopy.

"I can't emphasize this enough," says Ashburn. If you have no risk factors or family history, turning 50 means it's time to book your appointment. (If you have risk factors, your doc may advise starting sooner.) Not only can a colonoscopy detect colon cancer, but it can actually prevent it, Ashburn explains: Suspicious polyps or growths can be removed during this test, so you can get them out of your body before they ever turn into cancer. "That's unusual for a screening test," says Ashburn. 

Still dragging your feet? "The worst part of the procedure is worrying about it beforehand," Ashburn insists. It's not painful or uncomfortable; your doctor will most likely put you into a twilight sleep, a form of sedation that leaves you awake but relaxed (you might even watch the procedure on a screen if you're so inclined). 

MORE: 5 Reasons It Hurts Down There

You have the power to cut your cancer risk. Getting a colonoscopy (super-important, as noted above!) isn't the only way to protect yourself. A healthy lifestyle is the key to a healthy colon: Consume lots of fiber, eat plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables, limit or avoid red and smoked meats, maintain a healthy weight, and don't smoke.

It's also crucial that you know about your family history. According to the American Cancer Society, about 5 to 10% of people who get colorectal cancer carry a mutated gene that's been implicated in so-called "family cancer syndromes" (which tend to come on at a younger age than other cancers). You may want to consider genetic testing if a first-degree relative (parents or siblings) had colon cancer, or if more distant family (grandparents) got cancer at an early age. (And never ignore these cancer symptoms.)

Tell me if it hurts to poop.

If your bowel movements are painful, something is amiss. You could have anal fissures, which is like having a paper cut in the lining of your anus. Fissures are caused by constipation and straining when you try to go, says Ashburn, so the best treatmentis to up your fiber and water intake (or take a fiber supplement like Benefiber) to soften the stool. Your doc may give you a topical treatment, or recommend surgery to repair the fissure if it's really bad. Another possibility is that you have external hemorrhoids, which is what it sounds like: hemorrhoids that are concentrated right at the opening of your anal canal. "There's lots of blood supply there, and when you strain, the vessels get engorged and you can develop a clot, called a thrombus," says Ashburn. Your doctor can remove really painful external hemorrhoids, but most resolve on their own. Warm baths and OTC painkillers can help you feel better in the interim. Finally, if your pooping pain is also accompanied by fever, you could have an anorectal abscess, which is an infected area that needs to be treated with antibiotics.

MORE: 7 Things Your Poop Says About You

OTC hemorrhoid products only work so well.

On your umpteenth visit to the drugstore for Preparation H? There's nothing wrong with using an over-the-counter product to ease the pain, itching, and discomfort. But OTC remedies "only treat the symptoms, not the underlying inflammation of the hemorrhoids themselves," says Ashburn. Left unaddressed, "you may end up with further inflammation, or with hemorrhoids that protrude and bleed." A colorectal surgeon can offer prescription treatments or perform surgery if necessary. (Try these tips to never get another hemorrhoid.)

It's not normal for your anus to itch. Has something new come into contact with that area, such as a detergent, body lotion, or toilet paper? If you're using moistened toilet wipes or baby wipes to feel cleaner after you go, quit it. "These contain chemicals and perfumes that are irritating," says Ashburn. Is it something you ate? What goes in must come out, so consider nixing spicy meals, hot peppers, chocolate, and caffeine, which may irritate the anal area. 

Sweat that sticks around down there can also lead to irritation, so be sure to shower right after your workout or at least change into dry undies. If you have hemorrhoids, mucus leakage from them can make you itchy. Ashburn recommends placing a cotton ball between your cheeks to absorb the wetness while you're waiting for your hemorrhoids to clear up. Very uncommonly, anal itching can be a symptom of anal or skin cancer, so if all else fails and you're still scratching, see a colorectal surgeon for an exam and perhaps a biopsy.