6 Things To Remember If You Are Divorcing A Narcissist

4  One of the hardest and most frustrating things for victims to remember when divorcing a narcissist in court is to not call them a narcissist!

To circumvent the process of having to describe your partner as a narcissist, I suggest that instead, you describe their behaviours. For example, to describe them you might say something like “I would get very confused because they never seemed to have any empathy for me when I was sick, or any remorse when they made me cry. They just seemed to feel entitled to whatever they wanted, and they believed that everyone was envious of them”. In describing the behaviours rather than using the diagnostic terminology that will get used against you, it is hoped that SOMEONE in the court will put two and two together and realise the relevance of these behaviours and traits.

5  Never allow yourself to be alone with the narcissist where they can provoke you, and/or manufacture a situation they can video and use against you.

If you can, install cameras at your home. Cameras will either act as a deterrent, or they will record the offenses. Never underestimate the narcissist’s desire to punish you for leaving them or being able to live without them. If you have any fear whatsoever, go to the police, and you jump up and down until the police ensure you are protected by a restraining order at the very least. When you are divorcing a narcissist, being able to record their behaviour can not only be used as proof; it can also help you protect yourself.

6  If you are thinking about leaving the narcissist, develop a safety plan before you go.

Make a list of what you need to do such as get a lawyer, call a counsellor, call your local social security, call child support, take inventory of all your home furniture, etc. Go to your bank and start up an account of your own. Start putting little bits of money into it here and there, that your abuser will not miss. Locate all your important documents such as passports and birth certificates. Tell the narcissist NOTHING. Keep your cards very close to your chest. Do not give them the heads up so they can move money around and change property into another name. This is going to go against your integrity and every moral fibre in your body, but you are protecting yourself against someone who is wired completely different to you. Someone without a conscience.

Divorcing a narcissist is probably going to be the hardest thing you do in your lifetime, other than living with one. You need to prepare to go up against an enemy who knows every intimate detail about you, and is hell bent on destroying you. Never underestimate the narcissist’s desire and ability to stoop to unthinkable levels to punish you. They will want to take and/or destroy that which means the most to you. They will want the children, not because they WANT them, but because it will hurt you! Divorcing a narcissist is war. They will take precise aim at your credibility, your emotions and your capacity to ever be independent of them and happy. But now that you know who and what they are, you can level up the playing field and prepare for battle. As the old saying goes “Know thy enemy and know yourself; in a hundred battles, you will never be defeated”.