7 Mind Games Narcissists Play And Always Win

7 Narcissist Mind Games They Play To Control You

From gaslighting to love-bombing, narcissists expertly use mind games to safeguard their superiority and dominance. Understanding these games is the first step towards breaking free from their influence.

#1 Break Up games

If you’ve ever tried to break up with or discard a narcissist first, you’ll appreciate how complicated it is and how many hoops you must jump through to escape the relationship.

Narcissists use break-up games to keep their victims hooked, maintain control, and avoid rejection.

Some narcissist break-up games include silent treatment, hoovering, gaslighting, and love bombing. Narcissists use these mind games to confuse their victims, bully them, and guilt-trip them into changing their minds.

Narcissists rely on constant attention and admiration, so can’t bear to be alone.

They always need someone to validate them, and if that someone was you, they wouldn’t let you go without first messing with your head.

One typical narcissistic break-up game is the “hoovering” technique. Hoovering refers to the narcissist’s attempt to suck their ex-partner back into a relationship after a break-up.

This usually involves a bit of love bombing (another popular narcissistic mind game), future faking, and false apologies.

See also When The Narcissist Is Stonewalling You

It’s essential for individuals who have experienced a narcissistic breakup to be aware of these manipulative tactics.

Recognizing hoovering and other break-up games allows one to establish healthy boundaries, prioritize their well-being, and avoid falling back into a toxic relationship.

#2 Texting Games

Whether texting or intimate texting, narcissists want to be in complete control, and they have a natural way with words that often enables them to do that. 

They’ll bombard you with messages, ghost you for the rest of the day, send you long, loving confessions, and then abruptly switch to one-word answers when you respond.

This kind of ping-pong texting confuses their victims and puts them in a submissive position where they can only respond and react.

For instance, the narcissist might send you a text message saying, “I love you SO much!”

And then a few seconds later, another one said,

“What are you doing right now? I need you!”

If you respond with an equally lovey-dovey text, they’ll reply abruptly, saying,

“Now’s not the time! I’m at work!!! I can’t do this with you right now.”

This kind of emotional ping-pong keeps the victim constantly guessing. You might also have noticed the narcissist throwing in a bit of gaslighting.

By making it seem like it’s the recipient’s fault for responding affectionately, they dismiss the recipient’s response and imply that the recipient is inconsiderate or clingy.

#3 Social Media Mind Games

How a narcissist plays with you on social media depends on where you are in your relationship. Early on, during the love-bombing phase, the narcissist will use their social media posts to impress and idealize you and your relationship.

In the early days, you’ll likely see posts like, “Feeling so blessed to have found the most amazing person in the world! From the moment we met, I knew you were the one for me.”

As time moves on, and the narcissist starts looking around for a new supply, you’ll notice the focus switches to the narcissist and their achievements, with boastful self-promotional posts like,

“Despite the people who’ve tried to hold me back, I’ve always managed to succeed and exceed expectations. I feel sorry for those who don’t have my positive energy and mindset.”

This is the narcissist displaying their passive-aggressive side, taking a subtle dig at you while proclaiming their own achievements.

Other games narcissists play on social media involve frequently liking or commenting on someone else’s posts.

This will usually be someone they’re interested in romantically who they’re planning to replace you with, or they could be using this game as a form of triangulation – a tactic to create jealousy and insecurity within you.

By lavishing attention on someone else publicly, they want you to feel threatened and insecure about your place in their life, which gives them a sense of power and control.

They enjoy watching your emotional reaction, and it feeds their ego to know they can elicit such responses from you.

A narcissist’s social media mind games can include almost any of the other games they enjoy playing, including the ping-pong, or the narcissist hot and cold game, and the blocking game, which is one of their favorites!

See also How To Spot A Narcissistic Doctor Beneath The White Coat?

#4 Blocking Game

Narcissists always play the blocking game, using it to exert control and power over people.

When a narcissist engages in the blocking game, they intentionally block or unblock the person repeatedly to play with their emotions and provoke a reaction.

Here’s how you play the narcissist blocking game:

First, gain control by love-bombing your partner into submission, then start to play with their sense of security by suddenly ignoring them or blocking them on social media or messaging apps without any explanation or warning.

Wait for a reaction. Ideally, your target should feel hurt, confused, and anxious about why they were blocked. Now you’re in a position of power. Your target feels vulnerable, boosting your ego and making you feel invincible.

After a few days, unblock the person and pretend you had no idea why it happened. Now rinse and repeat.

By engaging in the blocking game, the narcissist maintains dominance over the person’s emotional state, keeping them off-balance and emotionally invested in the relationship.

This manipulation tactic reinforces the narcissist’s sense of power and control, making it challenging for the victim to break free from the toxic cycle.

#5 Money Games

Narcissists often engage in money games to manipulate and control others. These tactics can be subtle and deceptive, aiming to exploit the financial vulnerabilities of their targets.

For example, they might take control of their partner’s or family’s finances, controlling access to money and using it as leverage.

Some narcissists might borrow money from others and then claim to have paid it back, using their charm and manipulation to gaslight the lender into believing them.

Do narcissists play dumb? They do when they refuse to take responsibility for an unpaid debt!

A narcissist might act stupid or pretend they remember nothing about a loan if it means they can avoid repaying it and still be in a position to ask you for more.

Narcissists might suddenly splurge on an expensive purchase, claiming it will benefit you, when really it’s to boost their own status and make themselves feel better.

They might spend so much that they accumulate a significant debt that they then use to guilt-trip you into compliance or to justify withholding other resources, claiming they need to repay the debt first.

Moreover, the narcissist may employ the debt as a means of gaslighting, making you doubt your financial judgment.

They might dismiss your concerns about their extravagant spending, deflecting blame onto you for not appreciating their “generosity” or “sacrifices” on your behalf.

This tactic reinforces their self-importance and undermines your confidence, leaving you vulnerable to further manipulation.

#6 The Waiting Game

The narcissist waiting game is a subtle technique to exert control and power over a target’s emotions and behaviors. They intentionally delay responses, turn up late, and leave promises unfulfilled.

At every opportunity, they keep their target waiting, instilling a sense of anxiety and uncertainty.

See also Why do narcissists create conflict? 

This approach also keeps the target focussed on the narcissist, eagerly awaiting their next move and trying to understand the reasons for the delay.

The longer the target’s willing to wait, the more pleasure it brings the narcissist, who is now confident that their power is such that the target is willing to endure uncertainty and emotional turmoil to gain their approval or attention.

In a romantic relationship, the narcissist may use the waiting game to establish dominance and manipulate their partner’s emotions.

They may withhold affection or attention as a form of punishment, creating a dynamic where their partner constantly seeks their approval.

The waiting game is one of narcissists’ most potent tactics to maintain control and dominance over their targets.

It preys on the target’s desire for approval and validation while creating a power imbalance in the relationship.

#7 The Cat-and-Mouse Game

The type of cat-and-mouse game narcissists play involves alternating between pursuing the target (playing the “cat”) and withdrawing or distancing themselves (playing the “mouse”).

During the love-bombing phase, the narcissist pursues you, showering you with love, attention, and affection.

When they move into the devaluation phase, the narcissist suddenly switches roles. Now they have your trust and emotional investment, they flee, becoming distant, critical, or emotionally unavailable.

After their withdrawal, they’ll switch back again as they start hoovering you back into their lives with renewed attention, apologies, and promises of change.

Then they shift again, using a third person to create a sense of competition and jealousy.

This triangulation game is all part of the cat-and-mouse manipulation technique, which narcissists will use repeatedly to create an addictive cycle for the target, in which they’re unsure of their position and constantly seek validation and approval.