7 Tips About How To Stop Missing Someone | BetterHelp | Loneliness

Key takeaways

• Missing someone can be a normal response to loss or separating, and can look different for different people.
• Evidence-based strategies like support, healthy routines, and professional help can help to ease negative emotions like sadness, guilt, or longing.
• For those having a difficult time, therapy can be an effective way to expedite the healing process and improve wellbeing.

Wondering, "How to stop missing someone?" There can be many reasons to miss someone who has gone from your life, either physically or emotionally. Maybe the relationship ended, and you didn't have closure. Conversely, perhaps you are still in a relationship heading toward the end and missing and mourning the emotional loss of your partnership. 

There are many valid reasons to miss someone or experience nostalgia. Tools like confiding in close friends, journaling, focusing on personal growth, talking to a therapist, or meditating may help you process, cope with, and move past the pain of missing someone. However, know that you're not alone in this experience.

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Why missing someone can feel so overwhelming

If you're missing someone, understand that nostalgia is a powerful experience. When remembering someone you've lost, it can be natural to focus on positive old memories with them and forget the negative ones. 

You may want to recall happy memories when you remember someone important to you, whether they were an ex-lover, a former spouse, or a friend. For this reason, you might experience a desire to have that person back in your life. One of the ways to cope when you feel sad about someone who is gone is to stop idealizing them. If you are stuck in a nostalgic rut and continue to miss someone, consider adopting a more balanced relationship perspective and intentionally recall negative emotions around the relationship.

In the United States, about 35% of marriages end in divorce, showcasing that separating from a long-term partner is common. If you've lost a marriage, it can be natural to miss how it used to be or wonder what could have been. If you don't have children or your ex-partner acted unhealthy toward you, you may have to cope with not seeing them again or being blocked, even if your relationship was cherished. However, despite the challenges of losing someone and missing them, people can often emerge from breakups happier and more fulfilled over time. You're not alone, and the pain of missing someone doesn't have to last forever. 

How to stop the pain of missing someone and start feeling better: Mind over matter and emotional support

There may be no magic remedy or wand to wave away the pain when you miss someone. Each person navigates the grieving process differently. However, you can take steps in your daily life to cope with, manage, and reconcile the pain you're feeling, including the following. 

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Do not expect to stop missing someone overnight 

There may be an adjustment period when someone you care about is gone. Your feelings after a breakup or loss are complex behavioral, biochemical, and physiological phenomena. Even if it was your decision to end the relationship, you may often think about and miss the person, as they used to be a vital part of your life. In some cases, missing someone may seem to disrupt your life. 

When a relationship first ends, you might think about your ex dozens of times an hour or more. After a few weeks, you may only think of this person a few times a day. Eventually, you might realize that you do not miss them or only reminisce when reminded of them. Learning to cope with missing someone may take a few weeks, months, or years, depending on the relationship and your coping mechanisms. However, moving on is possible. 

Accept how you feel about the pain of missing someone

When you miss someone dearly, there may be days when you only want to lie on the bed and cry. Accepting the pain may help you move forward, as suppressing emotions is associated with worse health outcomes.

If you struggle to cope independently, talking about these feelings with a friend or professional may help you understand your feelings better. Conversely, suppressing your feelings can cause them to show up again later. They may manifest differently and affect your mental health or future relationships. Acknowledging your feelings and working through them can help you move forward.

Embrace the positive side of moving forward, improving mental health, and feeling less pain

Try to think about any positive reasons to move forward. For example, some people may find that the end of a relationship allows them to go out more with friends, binge-watch a new TV show, catch up on reading, or make a positive life change. Remember why you lost this person, and try to spin this change in a positive light. If it was a breakup, there may be a healthy reason you are no longer together. Even when you miss someone, moving forward may be the healthiest choice. 

Get rid of reminders of them  

If you miss someone, consider avoiding reminders of them until you have moved on emotionally. For example: 

• Remove their contact info and any photos of them from your phone
• Mute or remove them from your social media accounts
• If you have any of their belongings, return them, trash them, or hide them away for the time being

Not seeing reminders of them may reduce your feelings of nostalgia or the urge to look at memories. 

Keep your mind busy and seek emotional support while learning how to stop missing someone

When missing someone, finding positive distractions may take your mind off them. Join a club, find a new hobby, enjoy a night out, or spend more time with family and friends. These strategies can be healthy ways to cope.

You can also try coping by changing your body chemistry by exercising. Peer-reviewed studies suggest that the physical effects of exercise boost endorphins that can improve your mental health.

Use the situation as motivation to be social 

Spending time grieving on your own can be healthy when you miss someone. However, consider re-introducing social situations, as well. Spending too much time alone may worsen your mood and cause a stronger desire to reconnect with the person you miss. Get out and talk to your friends and family. Go to the grocery store or mall. No matter what you choose, leave your home and spend time with others. If you can enjoy life in the moment, you may begin forming new memories that make you feel better. 

Move into the future with hope 

Eventually, you may realize that you are thinking of the person you miss less and less, and it's becoming easier to manage the separation. You may also find someone else whom you care about, even if they don't replace your past connection. You deserve to move on and live your life on your terms. There is no magic time limit on when you can start forming new relationships and memories, so work with yourself to figure out a healthy process. 

The healing process takes time and happens in stages

When you are grieving a loss, it is not a linear process, nor does healing happen overnight. It’s not helpful to get caught up in the idea that you’re doing things wrong, or that you should have already “gotten over it.”

There is no single timeline for healing

Everyone is different, and therefore your healing journey won’t look the same as someone else’s. You may have a friend who jumped right back into dating after a breakup, and seemed to be themselves in a matter of days, while another may have cried for months. There is no “right” way to process emotions, and your healing process is your own. 

Feeling sad or guilty does not mean you’re going backward

Emotional setbacks can be normal when you are getting over a loss. You may feel amazing for a day or even a week, and then suddenly feel guilty or feel sad in a way you didn’t expect. This happens to many people, and will likely go on for a matter of weeks or even months. It can help to not lose sight of the bigger picture–continue to focus on yourself and your needs, even when things feel tough. If you can do just one healthy thing today, do it. 

How missing someone affects sleep and daily wellbeing

When you are feeling stressed, the body can get into a pattern of dysregulation of the nervous system, with the sympathetic nervous system (fight, flight, or freeze) going into overdrive. This dysregulation can make it difficult to sleep, which in turn leads to more stress. 

Why missing someone can disrupt sleep

Negative emotions like sadness, longing, guilt, or jealousy are stressors, and can increase cortisol levels in the body. This and other stress hormones can cause you to struggle with getting enough sleep, especially if you are also dealing with rumination (recurring and unremitting thoughts). You may have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, or even both. 

Simple sleep protection habits

Here are a few evidence-based strategies that can help you get a good night’s sleep, even when you are struggling with missing someone:

• Stick as much as possible to a regular sleep/wake routine
• Keep your bedroom cool, dark, and quiet
• Avoid excessive caffeine or alcohol, as these are known sleep disruptors
• Avoid using screens for an hour or two before bedtime

When missing someone becomes harder to manage

Sometimes when you’re missing someone, your feelings may become overwhelming. While the support of your friends and family can help, a professional may be better equipped to offer practical strategies to help you navigate a difficult time. 

Signs you may need extra support

If you notice that persistent sadness is causing an inability to function normally in your daily life, that sleep issues are causing distress, or that your other relationships are suffering, it can be time to seek extra support from a mental health care professional. A therapist or counselor can help you process your feelings, offer healthy coping strategies, and treat any anxiety or depressive symptoms. 

Seeking professional help is a healthy step

Working with a therapist isn’t a last resort, it’s a proactive step in healing. Societal stigma may have lessened in recent years, but many people can still view therapy as something to be sought in extreme situations, or only for those who are experiencing mental health conditions. However, the reality is that therapists and counselors are trained to help anyone navigate a difficult time. If you feel ready to move on from feeling bad, seek professional help.  

Professional support options for learning how to stop missing someone

It can be natural to reminisce about people you've lost and cry over them, especially if they were a special person in your life. However, if missing someone is getting in the way of living a healthy life, it may be beneficial to talk to a mental health professional to start moving forward and coping. With a therapist, you can talk about grief and devise solutions for your functioning challenges. 

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Getting support through BetterHelp

If you struggle to seek professional help from an in-person therapist due to your symptoms, you might also try online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp. In addition to the convenience, online therapy also offers: 

• Flexible online scheduling
• The ability to message your therapist at any time on the app
• Online tools such as journals and weekly group classes

Internet-based therapy is backed by current research in the field of psychology. A comprehensive meta-analysis demonstrated its effectiveness in treating various mental health conditions and symptoms, and improving overall mental health and wellbeing. Researchers in the study examined various populations and modes of therapeutic intervention and showed no significant difference in in-person and online therapy outcomes, showcasing their similar effectiveness. 

"Gunjani is an amazing therapist. I am so lucky to have found her. She really tries to help me overcome my challenges and gives me new techniques. She has just a great sense and vibes. Every season I have with her, I always feel really great. She’s helped me so much on my relationship and just who I am as an individual."— BetterHelp member’s review of their therapistMore reviews

Takeaway

It can be challenging to miss someone after they leave your life. However, there are ways to cope with this experience healthily. If you struggle to do so on your own, consider reaching out to a licensed therapist to receive further guidance and support.