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Original ShowsPopularTrailersGameplayAll Videos7 Ways to Kill Deadpool
Where there’s a will, there’s a Wade.
By Jeff LakeUpdated: Aug 16, 2021 11:59 pmPosted: Apr 7, 2015 6:27 pmMarvel has been heavily promoting the fact that Deadpool will be dying in tomorrow's Deadpool #45 -- the 250th Deadpool comic ever published -- but the thing is, from what we've seen in the comics thus far, Deadpool is really impervious to death.Whether due to an unfairly prodigious healing factor or the result of a Mad Titan’s jealous curse, Wade’s ability to survive the non-survivable cements his status as the cockroach of the Marvel U. However, following the recent demise of another nigh invulnerable mutant (RIP), we’ve come to realize that maybe it’s not that he can’t die — it’s that no one has ever done it right.Cosmic cheat codes aside, here’s seven times Deadpool almost died, and how we'd change it to get the job done right.
Ingestion
Cable & Deadpool #5In a series of strange events, Deadpool and Cable would reluctantly team up after both contracting an equally strange virus. In order to stave off the virus’ unique “I’m melting!” properties, Cable Frank-The-Tank’s Deadpool’s liquefied form, the mix in DNA allowing for a convergence of abilities. Rather than go full on Freaky Friday, Cable elects to, er, eject Deadpool’s soupy goodness, allowing the merc to humpty dumpty himself back into being.Taking away the temporary I-need-you, you-need-me alliance, Cable missed out on a primo opportunity here. The convergence was purely physical, meaning he’d gain all of Deadpool’s regenerative powers with none of his mental yammering. Sure, tossing the cookies was the heroic thing to do in this situation (somehow), but how can you turn down such a win-win? Some short term IBS is more than worth the added powers/lack of nonsense—in hindsight, sometimes eating your problems IS the best way to go. Just be sure to drink your Pepto.
Cooking
Deadpool vs. Carnage #3Nobody knows crazy like crazy, which makes this failed attempt by Carnage particularly disappointing. Having already survived a skewering by semi, Deadpool eventually catches up to the ragin’ Cajun in a not-so-abandoned military bunker. Quicker than a Cuisinart, the symbiote julienne’s ol Wade into a number of heart-healthy portions that he leaves to roast over an open flame. If only he had been less careless with his laundry…Not only does Carnage make the rookie mistake of leaving the scene before certain death, he also fails to recognize the leftover symbiotes looking to form a jam band with DP’s bits and bobs. Poor form. The quick fix, obviously, is to physically place the various parts in the escalating oven to ensure proper roasting. Yes, that extra 20 minute cooking time is annoying for everyone, but there’s just something satisfying about a dish you make yourself. Had Carnage added a little patience (and a pinch of thyme), he may have avoided the ugly beat down that’d eventually come his way.
Lightning Strikes
Deadpool Annual #1It’s kind of hard to call wrong place, wrong time in comics’ most superhero dense city, but such is the way of Deadpool’s run in with Thor. Initially out to kill Daredevil before the similarly silly Madcap interrupts, Deadpool’s botched attempt reaches an electric conclusion in the form of a Mjolnir lightning blast. The resulting strike reduces the two odd-jobs to a pile of ash, leaving Thor to whoopsily proclaim their passing as “warriors’ deaths.”In the interest of fairness, Thor never intended to kill Deadpool, instead operating under Daredevil’s assertion that he was a “healing factor guy.” Then again, Thor never intended to instill negative body image issues in men all across the Nine Realms, but here we are crying in the ice cream aisle. What he should have done in this instance is packed up the resulting debris in his Asgardian urn (you know he has one), to be returned to Asgard for artistic purposes. Combine those ‘Pool particles with a little red paint and you have a wall literally bathed in the remains of your enemies. Somewhere Odin’s one eye is tearing up.
Hulk Smash
Deadpool #39In a twist of intent, this particular attempt is actually one of Deadpool’s own orchestration. He wants to die, and if you’re someone looking to get pulverized on down to the molecular level, there’s really only one green-skinned guy to turn to. As far as plans go it’s not the worst one, Deadpool using various bouts of chicanery and shenanigans to whittle down the Hulk’s already thin temper. At last cracking under the incessant prattling, Doc Banner decides to grant his wish, bursting Deadpool like an overfilled water balloon with one trademarked smash.Healing factor or not, that hit would take some getting over. Rather than allow Deadpool’s gooey bits to reunite, Banner should have shown a little entrepreneurial spirit in recognizing what could have been a lucrative moneymaker. Add Deadpool’s gloopy meat paste to a container of Hulk’s own glowing blood and suddenly you have a lava lamp that serves as both a stasis prison and home décor must-have. Deadpool stays dead and Hulk becomes the next great infomercial star—easy peasy.
Penance Glare
Deadpool #26When killing is your job, you’re sure to rack up some miles on the karma-meter. It’s no surprise then that Ghost Rider eventually comes to collect, corralling Deadpool with the intent to turn his various victims against him. Attempting to unleash vengeance in the form of the world’s most unbeatable staring contest, Ghost Rider would instead see his Penance Stare nullified, reverting back to Johnny Blaze in the process.Blaze would later backtrack the overall motivations to his attack, but the simple truth is that he done messed it up. Reversing the murdered on the murderer is poetic no doubt, but when you also have the ability to spew literal hellfire, subtlety is overrated. Rather than waste time inflicting remorse, Blaze should have lived up to his namesake, lighting up Deadpool like a hog at a weenie roast. Whether aimed at his soul or his corporeal form, hellfire’s otherworldly properties would likely do the trick, so next time skip the theatrics and go straight for the barbeque.
Bronzing
Avengers and X-Men: AXIS #7One of the more recent attempts on Deadpool’s life came courtesy of En Sabah Nur, the mutant and general sour puss, Apocalypse. In the wake of the morality reversing events of AXIS, Deadpool seeks to use his shared history with the tyrant to appeal to his softer side, a decision that doesn’t quite go according to plan. Following a few “You don’t know me!” diatribes, The First One reaches his limit, popping off Deadpool’s head like a champagne cork.So where’d he go wrong? Well, first off, he’s Apocalypse. For all the staggering powers he possesses, he chooses the laziest way possible in dispatching Wade. Considering his mastery of alien technology and general evil air, why not transmute his body to bronze and put him in the trophy room for your supervillain meet and greets? Any zombie fan worth their salt knows that simply removing the head does squat, so it’s somewhat embarrassing that the world’s first mutant is such an uninventive goof.
All the Lasers
Deadpool: Merc With A Mouth #4Of the many posited ways to kill Deadpool, death by nuclear bomb or similar such weapon is high on the list. After all, it can’t be easy to reform when your atoms have been de-atomized. Well, the powers that be tried even that, the bumbling forces of AIM launching a death ray FROM SPACE straight into the Savage Land and Deadpool’s not-so-pearly whites. The blast absolutely decimates anything and everything in its wide radius, so of course Deadpool comes out alive with little more than cotton mouth.This one is tough, as it’s kind of hard to improve upon a pinpoint laser fired from space, but really the answer is simple. Rather than fire the one laser once, you fire all the lasers ever, continuously, driving Deadpool’s pasty puddle right down to the Earth’s core. Molten magma is enough to render anyone’s healing factor inert, and while the amount of damages done would be somewhere on the catastrophic line, sometimes you gotta break a few dinosaurs to make an omelet. If you don’t, that’s when Wade comes back to steal both your ride AND your cheese sandwich. Lesson learned.Agree with our take or have dastardly doings of your own? Take to the comments and let the debate flow through you. Jeff is a writer for IGN. He can make the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs, probably. Follow him on Twitter and IGN.
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