8 Reasons Pitbull Is The Absolute Fucking Worst

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Let me start off by saying anyone who calls themselves “Mr. Worldwide” definitely sucks/isn’t. You can’t just claim that you’re Mr. 305 and then go straight to Mr. Worldwide. You’d think he’d make a gradual progression. I’m sure that nobody looked at Pitbull and was like “You know what man, you totally represent the ENTIRE city of Miami, you should just call yourself Mr. 305!” No fucking way. That was all Pitbull. If I start calling myself “Mrs. 617” you can slap me. Pitbull sucks…and here’s why.

1) Actual Pitbulls are way cooler than Pitbull

Top: Cute feisty little dog

Bottom: ugly feisty little dog

2) His songs are annoying as fuck

Pitbull songs are repetitive and obnoxious and you hear them everywhere. They’ll be on full blast at American Eagle and follow you to your Zumba class. I’m speaking from experience here. If I’m folding piles of clothes or attempting to hold myself together while dancing, chances are the last thing I wanna hear is, “I say, y’all having a good time, I’ll bet yeah, yeah, yeah que no pare la fiesta don’t stop the party”

…no

3) He will randomly sing in other languages

I can excuse the Spanish because ok we get it, he’s Cuban. Once he starts saying shit like, “Zig-a zig-a zig-a zig-a-zow” I can’t.

4)  He has to say one of his many names in all his songs

Whether it’s Pitbull, Mr. 305, or Mr. Worldwide, he’s gonnn let ya know.

5) He wears really tight pants

aaaaand the uncomfortable crotch business occurs.

6) He’s never without his shades

ay dios mio

7) His facial hair monstrosity

Do we have a name for this? I mean surely Mr. Worldwide is good at making up names so I guess we can leave this one up to him.

8) HE CALLS HIMSELF MR. WORLDWIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ps: I almost couldn’t finish this article because I got so annoyed thinking of his songs and I didn’t even play any of them. THAT SHOULD SAY SOMETHING!

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Tag » Why Is Pitbull Not Famous Anymore