A Complete Beginner's Guide To Scissoring - Cosmopolitan

Sometimes you’ll encounter a particular sex thing whose reputation precedes it—which usually means it’s the target of stereotypes and misconceptions primarily perpetuated by porn and that one kid in middle school who actually had no idea what he was talking about. In the case of scissoring, that reputation mostly involves the idea that this sex act is either mythical or the only way lesbians have sex. Neither of which, for the record, is true! Yes, scissoring is real—despite rumors that it’s something “fake” that only happens in porn. And no, it’s not the only way queer women have sex with each other. (Far from it, in fact.)

Now that we’ve established what scissoring is not, let’s talk about what it is. Namely, “a sex position wherein partners lie facing opposite directions, interlocking their legs such that their genitals rub against one another,” says sex therapist Casey Tanner, a sexpert for Lelo. It’s a form of “tribbing” or “tribadism,” and while the terms are often used interchangeably, scissoring refers specifically to genital-on-genital rubbing, while tribbing can include rubbing the genitals on any part of a partner’s body.

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So, how do you scissor someone (and how do you do it well)? Read on for everything to know about scissoring—whether you’re new to lesbian sex, are looking to brush up on your skills, or…are honestly just curious about how it all works! Allow this expert-backed guide to scissoring (including expert-approved tips) to answer all your questions.

How Do You Scissor Someone?

To scissor, you’d typically lie or sit across from your partner so your genitals are touching, says sex and relationships coach Lucy Rowett. “You then rub, grind, shimmy, gyrate, or anything else that feels good. The goal is to simultaneously stimulate each other’s genitals for pleasure and/or orgasms.”

Of course, like all sex all the time, scissoring may not lead to orgasm—and that’s more than okay. “While scissoring can stimulate the genitals, it is rarely the route to orgasm, so don’t worry if it doesn’t bring you to climax,” says Tanner. Remember, goal-oriented sex is simply not it. The more you can focus on pleasure as opposed to reaching some kind of “end goal,” the better literally any sexual experience (including scissoring) will be.

Also, while scissoring is typically (and often stereotypically) associated with lesbian sex, couples of all genders can enjoy this sex position, says Rowett. “You do not need to have a vulva (or a partner with a vulva) to enjoy scissoring,” adds Tanner.

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Best Positions for Scissoring

“The classic scissoring position involves partners lying on their sides with their legs intertwined and hips aligned so their genitals can meet,” says Tanner. “However, some might find it more comfortable to scissor with one partner on top, or by adjusting the angle and positioning of their legs for deeper or more targeted contact.”

Ultimately, there’s no one “right” way to scissor (or have any kind of sex, for that matter), and Rowett notes that it may take a beat to find a comfortable position that works for both partners. “Be willing to adjust your position in a way that feels good for you both and use supports like pillows, the wall, or even a chair,” she suggests. “You can switch it up by either one or both of you leaning on pillows so you’re sitting up, or by sitting face-to-face with your legs crossed over each other.” Alternatively, “You can do a version that is basically humping and grinding where one partner lies on their back and the other straddles and then either grinds on their leg for clitoral stimulation, or straddles with one leg over and another leg underneath.”

Again, scissoring is a much more versatile sex position than you may think. There’s truly no wrong way to do it as long as everyone involved is comfortable, so feel free to experiment.

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5 Expert-Backed Scissoring Tips

1. Use Lube!

Lube is always a good idea no matter what kind of sex you’re having, and scissoring is certainly no exception. “It will give you extra slip and slide for the grinding, so use it liberally,” says Rowett.

And if you’re rubbing against a surface that has hair, like genitals, a chest, a leg, etc., you’ll definitely want to add lots of lube to reduce any unwanted pulling or chafing. Try out any of these Cosmo Lube Awards winners if you’re looking to stock up before your next scissor-fest.

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2. Incorporate Toys

“Don’t be afraid to use props like pillows or wedge cushions to support your body’s needs,” says Tanner. “Incorporating sex toys, such as a small, flat vibrator like the Lelo Nea 3, can add stimulation during scissoring without getting in the way.” Other small or slim profile toys, like the Dame Pom or a finger vibrator could also work well here.

3. Explore Other Erogenous Zones

While your genitals are enjoying all of that bumping and grinding (and buzzing!), this is a choice opportunity to stimulate other areas of the body as well. “Caressing, gripping, and massaging other parts of the body like breasts, neck, thighs, and butt will increase the overall stimulation,” says sex educator Linnea Marie.

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4. You Don’t Have to Commit to Scissoring the Whole Time

“You don’t have to start nor finish in this position,” Marie says. Scissoring can be a fun way to explore during sex, but you don’t have to commit to it for the entirety of a sex session. You can start with scissoring and move to stimulating each other with toys, oral sex, or any other forms of touch and play that do it for you.

5. You May Not Love It, and That’s Fine

“Scissoring takes some time to get used to and perfect, so don’t fret if it doesn’t work perfectly the first time,” says Marie.

“It might take a few tries to find a comfortable position that works for both of you,” adds Rowett. Remember, there’s no right or wrong way to scissor, so take your time and don’t be afraid to experiment.

And if after some troubleshooting, you’re still not into it? Don’t worry—there are plenty of other kinds of sex to be had out there.

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