At What Age Can A Child Choose Who To Live With? - Wiselaw

Need specialist family law advice?

Send an enquiry to Slater Heelis, a top UK family law firm with expertise in divorce, children issues, and wider family law matters.

View the family law experts:

Mark Heptinstall View… Charlotte Beck View… Vicki McLynn View… Kaleel Anwar View… Kim J Aucott View… Slater Heelis is a highly respected law firm, established over 250 years ago and serving clients across the UK and abroad. Their specialist family law team is consistently ranked highly in Chambers…

Slater Heelis is a highly respected law firm, established over 250 years ago and serving clients across the UK and abroad. Their specialist family law team is consistently ranked highly in Chambers & Partners and The Legal 500 guides. They are entirely dedicated to issues relating to divorce, children, family finances, relationship agreements, and all other legal issues arising from relationship breakdown. Employing only the brightest and best, the firm has an exceptional record in successfully representing clients across the UK in family law matters.

Send My Question Or Enquiry

100% privacy. Your personal data is not used by Wiselaw. Ad

This is a Sponsored Listing. Sponsored Listings are only available to the most experienced and highly regarded family law teams who specialise in the area of law covered on this page.

If you have children, making arrangements for residence and contact will be some of the biggest decisions you will make once you separate or divorce.

You and your spouse, as co-parents, will have to decide where your child will live and who will become the primary caregiver. You also need to decide how and when your child should have contact with the non-resident parent.

Many couples are able to make arrangements between them to suit their family circumstances. However, other situations are more complicated, and it is possible that you won’t be able to reach an agreement with the other parent.

Depending on the age of your child, you may want to get their input into this decision. However, their wishes and feelings – and any decision you make – may not be legally binding.

As a child cannot legally decide who they want to live with until they are 16, the responsibility for this decision usually rests with the parents.

At What Age Can a Child Choose Who to Live With?

There is no strict legal threshold at which a child is deemed capable of deciding which parent they wish to live with. However, once they turn 16, they have the legal authority to make that decision unless a Child Arrangements Order is in effect stipulating residency until they reach a later age, typically 17 or 18.

Before this age, a child’s views and feelings can be taken into account, particularly if they’re considered to understand the implications of their wishes. Generally, courts start giving weight to a child’s expressed preferences from around ages 12 or 13, though this is on a case-by-case evaluation, influenced by maturity and any additional needs or disabilities. Wishes expressed by younger children (under 12) may be noted, but are less influential.

What happens if parents disagree?

When parents can’t reach agreement on a child’s living arrangements, the following process is observed by the courts:

• Dispute-resolution is encouraged first, such as mediation or negotiation with the assistance of a family solicitor. Mediation is mandatory, and must happen before an application to court is allowed to proceed.

• If this route fails or isn’t suitable, particularly in cases involving safeguarding concerns, either parent can apply to the court for a Child Arrangements Order.

• The court will make a decision grounded in what is in the child’s best interests, considering factors such as their emotional wellbeing, living stability, relationships, and, where appropriate, their own views.

• A child arrangements order will lay out where the child will live and how contact with the other parent is managed. Though generally valid until the child turns 16, orders can be extended to age 17 or 18 in certain circumstances.

What are the psychological considerations when involving a child in which parent to live with?

Involving children in who they want to live with can have a profound psychological impact on their mental health. While the courts aim to act in the child’s best interests, there are complex psychological considerations when it comes to involving children in such decisions.

Firstly, children may experience significant emotional distress when asked to choose between parents, especially in contentious disputes. The pressure of making such a decision can create feelings of guilt, anxiety, and confusion. This is particularly true for younger children who may lack the emotional maturity to fully comprehend the consequences of their choice. In such cases, children might feel torn between wanting to please one parent over the other, leading to an increased sense of internal conflict. They may fear hurting the feelings of the parent they do not choose, or worry about the potential fallout from their decision. This emotional turmoil can contribute to long-term anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.

Moreover, involving children in decisions regarding their living arrangements can unintentionally reinforce feelings of powerlessness. Even if a child is asked for their opinion, they may feel that their voice doesn’t matter, particularly if they feel their views are disregarded or overridden by the parents or court. This can result in a sense of disillusionment, and may lead to difficulties in trusting authority figures or engaging in healthy decision-making later in life. In some cases, children might feel abandoned or neglected if they believe their preferences were not given sufficient weight.

On the other hand, there can be benefits to involving children in such decisions when they are given age-appropriate and carefully managed opportunities to express their preferences. When children are supported by a neutral third party, such as a child psychologist or family mediator, they may feel empowered by the ability to contribute to decisions that affect their lives. Proper guidance can help children feel heard and validated, potentially reducing the emotional burden of feeling overlooked. When a child’s preferences are taken into account, they may also feel more secure in the transition between homes, as they understand that their feelings have been considered.

Thus, while involving children in custody decisions can be valuable, it requires careful consideration to protect their psychological well-being and ensure that the process remains child-centred, rather than placing undue emotional strain on them.

Advocacy and support services

Several UK organisations assist children who are navigating family disputes, ensuring their voices are heard while protecting their emotional wellbeing:

• The National Youth Advocacy Service (NYAS) offers independent advocacy, helping children understand the legal process and ensuring their preferences are known to courts and others involved.

• Coram Children’s Legal Centre (CLC) provides free legal support and helps families access proper legal representation in child-related proceedings.

• Other organisations such as Barnardo’s and Childline also play vital roles in supporting children through difficult family transitions.

Does the mother automatically have more rights than the father?

A common misconception is that family courts favour mothers by default. In fact, both parents have equal parental responsibility, provided the father is named on the birth certificate (for children born after 1 December 2003).

If a father is not on the birth certificate, he must either:

• Enter into a formal Parental Responsibility Agreement with the mother, or

• Apply to court for a Parental Responsibility Order.

Without parental responsibility, key decisions, such as a child’s medical care, schooling, or relocation, are beyond his legal authority.

Do you need family law solicitors for your children matters?

If you are in need of legal support for your child-related matter, Wiselaw researches and lists family solicitors from across the UK, from Newcastle, to Sheffield, to Manchester, Liverpool, Leicester, and London. Wiselaw has the right family lawyer for your needs.

What factors do courts consider?

When making a decision about a child’s living arrangements, courts always prioritise the child’s best interests, and are guided by the welfare checklist under the Children Act 1989. The checklist includes:

• The child’s age and maturity level

• Whether their views could be influenced or manipulated by someone else

• Their understanding of the implications and permanence of their preferences

• Whether their opinions were the result of considered thought or said in haste

• Whether they can explain the reasoning behind their choices

Judges also consider the significance of the issues; for instance, views may carry more weight in everyday matters (e.g. bedtime routine) than life-changing decisions such as residence or schooling.

Types of court orders available

If parents cannot agree, several court orders may be relevant:

• Child Arrangements Order: Addressing where a child lives and with whom they spend time. This can include shared residence (joint care), though “shared” does not necessarily mean an equal split of time.

• Orders are typically valid until the child turns 16 but can be extended if needed for continuity and stability.

What if a parent doesn’t return the child after contact?

If no court order is in place, failing to return a child after contact is not technically illegal, provided the parent has parental responsibility. Police involvement in such matters is rare unless there are welfare concerns.

If disputes persist, parents should consider mediation or court enforcement. In urgent situations involving welfare risks, parents may apply for an emergency child arrangements order to ensure the child’s immediate safety and return.

International comparisons

While the UK focuses on the child’s best interests and case-by-case maturity evaluation, approaches differ overseas:

• Australia: The Family Law Act emphasises child welfare without specifying an age for autonomy, but children around 12 and older are typically considered mature enough for their views to be relevant.

• United States: Custody laws vary by state. In some, children as young as 14 can express a preference; in others, courts exercise more discretion. Regardless, best interests remain the guiding principle.

• Germany: Children aged 14 and above can legally express custodial preferences. Their views are given considerable weight, but courts still assess maturity and reasoning.

• Japan: The child’s preferences play a lesser role; courts often prioritise continuity and stability, favouring the parent who has primarily cared for the child, even if that conflicts with their expressed wishes.

This contrast highlights cultural differences in valuing children’s autonomy versus prioritising stability, but in most countries, including the UK, the child’s best interests remain paramount.

Do you need help with your divorce?

Get in touch now with one of our panel of specialist local family solicitors.

Your full name Email address Telephone number Postcode/Town

If relevant, please include below the name of the other party (so the solicitor can check they have not already provided advice to your partner):

Your enquiry or question(s) Expand Oops! We’re sorry to say that your enquiry has NOT yet been submitted. This could be due to our spam filter blocking your enquiry or your internet connection was lost for a moment. Please try clicking the Send button again, or send your enquiry to [email protected] and we’ll make sure it goes to the law firms you chose. Send a copy of this enquiry to me My enquiry is genuine, it is not to seek employment or offer business products/ services Sending Send Your details are NOT used by Wiselaw after you submit them. Your data is secured and encrypted the moment you send it. By sending this form you agree to Wiselaw's Terms and Privacy Policy. This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.

Success!

Your message was successfully sent.

Noticed an error on this page or something broken? If so, please email us at support[at]wiselaw.co.uk.

The information on this website is to be considered a guide and is therefore not legal advice. You use this information with the understanding that Wiselaw does not accept liability for any direct or indirect losses as a result of anyone relying on or acting upon the information on this website. Whilst we endeavour to provide accurate information, Wiselaw does not accept liability for any errors or omissions on this website.