BDSM - The Primal Experience

I wanted to do a series on each station within the pack, and I wanted to start from the “bottom” and work my way “up” and then a voice in the back of my head spat out this phrase so titling our post.

I was talking to the Beta this morning on our walk about the nature of the pack, the future of our clan and the spiritual aspects of Our Primal Way when I expressed, “I know our pack is different; I’m sure we’re a little more different than most. The Omega is a black-belt and the Alpha refused violence unless everyone has consented to having fun – and would likely get his ass beaten down as a matter of course should someone pose a threat to him.” I was, of course, talking about myself. I don’t believe in violence-in-anger and turn into a pacifist when it’s directed at me – mine is a different story.

After taking a moment to consider the other Alphas I know, and mind you that’s not a whole lot, none of us are all that similar, nor are we all that different.

One thing I want to make clear, and though I usually stand on the stack that says, “What I’m about to say only really applies to me and mine,” I feel this next statement applies pretty much across the board: Only your Pack grants you station as Alpha. What I mean by this is you can’t be an Alpha without a Pack, and you can’t be an Alpha in a Pack that doesn’t deem you their Alpha. If you’re a Loan Wolf you might be a Sigma, or you might just be a douchebag – sometimes it’s difficult for this fox to tell the difference.

Being an Alpha does not give you privilege unless your Pack grants you that privilege. I can say, all I want, “As Alpha, I get the first cut of meat,” but if my pack doesn’t respect me enough to give it to me, first I don’t get the first cut of meat, and second there’s a good chance I need to do something to earn my Alpha-hood back.

In ye olden times that might require brute force, and in some Primal circles, that is very likely the most valid way to do so. Not in mine. I’m the Alpha of my group because I’m capable, and willing to be the responsible one. I make decisions, I give directions, and I take care of my problems – which occasionally requires me to ask for help. Thusly, I also have to be the most emotionally mature. My pack’s responsibility, among other things, is to laugh at me when I get all uptight; to remind me that the problems of the Intellectual Animal are fleeting, and ultimately far less important that my Primal Animal needs. Furthermore, once I’ve taken care of my own business I make time to help them with theirs, which often means pointing them in the directions of resources outside of myself.

In my pack, I don’t take the first cut of meat, it’s a gift of thanks for all that I do to service my Pack. One of the places that BDSM and Primal Pack life does overlap is in this: submission is a gift give by the sub, not taken by the Dom.