Condiment Research: The Sauce-Packet Squeeze - Tedium

(Photo by Mike Mozart/Flickr)

So … how long can a condiment packet survive, anyway?

OK, let's go back to the pile of random condiments sitting in your fridge. Clearly they've probably been there for a while, perhaps dating to the Clinton administration or longer.

These devices of saucedom generally have very little in the way of useful information located on the package. No nutritional information, and generally no expiration dates. Which might make one wonder—do they last forever?

I'm here to tell you that, in most cases, they don't. Some types of condiments commonly found in packet form, like honey, salt, and sugar, don't really go bad for various reasons.

But those spare Taco Bell sauce packets that you've been using like Tabasco from another mother? Yes, they spoil. They lose their flavor over time, and those plasticky metal packets only go so far to protect the spicy flavor that's buried inside of the casing. Same with ketchup, mayo, mustard, BBQ sauce, or relish.

And believe it or not, they do actually have expiration dates generally listed—just not on the sauce packets themselves. Instead, they tend to have it on the boxes that the restaurants pull the hot sauce out of.

This issue that we're touching upon is actually a big topic of discussion in the survivalist space. It's understandable: If the world ends and you run out of sustenance elsewhere, that extra supply of Horsey sauce from Arby's is going to come in handy. But the result is a little disappointing from a results standpoint. A common story shared around survivalist forums is this one from WISN reporter Portia Young, who found that most sauces last less than a year. There's not a lot of meat there, and I'm linking to Wayback Machine link, so clearly this information is current and authoritative, but here's the list she acquired from Heinz:

• Ketchup: 7 months
• Chopped onions: 7 months
• Mayonnaise: 8 months
• Fat-free mayonnaise: 8 months
• Relish: 9 months
• Mild taco sauce: 9 months
• Hot taco sauce: 4 months
• Yellow mustard: 9 months
• BBQ sauce: 9 months
• Steak sauce: 9 months
• Tartar sauce: 8 months
• Horseradish sauce: 8 months
• Cocktail sauce: 9 months
• Tabasco sauce: 8 months

A slightly better piece of research on the issue comes from a site called the Outdoor Herbivore Blog, which puts expiration dates on the sauces and offers some guidelines as to what to expect when you're in the middle of nowhere and the only thing you have to eat is a packet of mayonnaise that you found inside the seat cushions of your 1989 Ford Taurus.

"Before consuming the condiment, inspect the packaging. If it appears puffy or is damaged, toss it. When you open the packet, inspect it. If it has an odd color, texture, flavor or odor, toss it," the site explains. "Condiments containing fats (mayo, butter) go rancid more quickly."

But on the other hand, certain types of packaging can ensure that you're getting a higher quality of extremely-dated condiment than you might elsewhere. Paper packaging might not cut the mustard, but that foil/plastic contraption that can't be recycled might actually come in handy in case of a zombie attack!