Dating: Is Your Ex “orbiting” Your Social Media? This TikTok Breaks ...

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Credit: Getty

Credit: Getty

1 min read

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Relationship coach Arrezo Azimzadeh breaks down orbiting – the ghosting trend linked to social media.

Being ghosted is without a doubt one of the most frustrating things about dating. Whether you feel things were going well and they disappeared without a trace or you feel like things were coming to an end but they weren’t bold enough to have a conversation, the act of ghosting can be a hit to your feelings, self-esteem and ego.

But you know what’s even trippier than being ghosted? Being ghosted by the person you’re seeing who still engages with you on social media.

They’ve left you on read on WhatsApp but are the first person to view your Instagram Stories. They’ve disappeared off of the face of the earth but somehow managed to like a tweet.

The act is commonly referred to as orbiting – when someone you’re dating cuts off contact with you, but continues to engage with your content on social media.

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The toxic dating trend often means people who’ve been ghosted feel there is a sense of hope that things aren’t what they seem – after all, if this person doesn’t like me, why are they still watching my every social media move?

Well, according to relationship coach Arrezo Azimzadeh, there are many reasons why a person may be an ‘orbiter’.

“[If] they ghosted you and didn’t put any effort in the beginning but they still watch your social media accounts, this is called orbiting in the dating world in an era where everyone is constantly keeping tabs on each other,” she says.

“If the breakup was relatively recent or if there is bad blood between the two of you, psychotherapists and relationship specialists state that when you’re liking somebody else’s stuff, you’re staying attached.

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“So if you’re orbiting someone that means you had the chance to actually date them but you abandoned ship in the beginning. Logically you probably don’t want to see their photos or see how they’re doing, but for an orbiter, that may not be true.”

Azimzadeh says orbiters tend to like the idea of what could’ve been, which is partially why they keep an eye out for you on social media.

“They like the fantasy of what could’ve been and they opted out because they don’t want to put effort into a relationship. But they found you to be attractive, cool, funny, interesting, different – so they keep you on social media to hold onto the idea and the fantasy of what could’ve been.”

Azimzadeh suggests that orbiters may ghost you but still engage with your social media simply because they “don’t want to date, but they still find you very attractive”.

Thirdly, she says most orbiters want to keep things friendly and engaging on social media can be a way to do so. “Their thought process might be ‘I still find you cool, attractive fun I just don’t think it worked out’.”

Lastly, Azimzadeh says orbiters can sometimes lurk because they want to keep you as an option for later.

“They’re showing you that they’re still there, but also pursuing other things,” she says. “It’s almost like breadcrumbing; they’re sending texts every now and then to say, ‘Hey I’m still here.’”

So what do you do with an orbiter? Azimzadeh advises people to leave them alone. “You already know their game – just let it be.”

She adds that for those who tend to overanalyse things, you can also block them for your own wellbeing.

The videos, which gained over 29,000 likes, saw many share their experiences with being orbited and why they feel people do it.

One wrote: “People orbit also to boost their ego because they know they still have access to you,” while another said: “This just happened to me everything you said is true, also I know the game and that’s why I stop talking to him.”

“It’s true, I asked my ex why he still had girls he used to talk to on Snapchat and he said because he can always reach them if he needed to,” a third option. “This reminded me to not allow myself to just be an option for someone to float in and out when they feel like it.”

Image: Getty

Topics

DatingTikTokRelationshipsWellbeingGhosting

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