Doritos 3D's STILL EXIST. | Dinosaur Dracula!

Get ready to have your minds blown: Doritos 3D’s still exist.

No, I’m not talking about those Jacked 3D things. I mean the really real deal versions. The ones that look like pregnant Bugles.

THESE:

But hold on. There’s a catch. To the best of my knowledge, Doritos 3D’s are only being produced in Mexico. Home of the foghorn.

Fortunately, a small pool of southwestern eBay sellers caught wind of the nostalgia, and now regularly import them. They’re selling them at a premium, of course, but nothing terribly major. (The snack sized bags are around three bucks each on eBay. That’s a lot for chips, but still way cheaper than trips to Mexico.)

If you’ve never heard of Doritos 3D’s, they debuted in 1998 and lasted until around 2003. I admit that I didn’t pay them very much attention, but considering how often they turn up on nostalgic “Foods I Miss” lists, many others sure did. Or maybe just one guy did, and everyone else copied his list.

As the video embedded above shows, Doritos 3D’s came in a variety of flavors, and even different styles of packaging. Perhaps most remembered are those weird canisters Frito-Lay briefly auditioned. Kind of a disastrous waste of plastic, but they looked super cool.

PS: No, that video isn’t mine. I love that someone’s Doritos 3D’s obsession led them to gather assorted photos, cobble them into a crude video, and score the bitch with Evanescence’s My Immortal. It’s almost definitely the best thing on YouTube, or at least tied with this.

The Mexican Doritos are “queso” flavored, and while that technically just means “cheese,” these taste nothing like everyday Doritos. They’re way less pungent, if that makes sense. It’s actually refreshing to find a cheese-flavored chip on the blander side. They’re delicious, but subtle. And they won’t make your hands look like neon murder.

Are they exactly the same as the 3D’s from the 1990s? Probably not. The queso flavor sets them apart, and there are some textural differences, too. Still, it’s so close and so undeniably official that I see no crime in calling them legit descendants. Show me the law.

If you were a fan of these in the late ‘90s and early 2000s, they’re so worth tracking down. For me, it’s all about power. Thousands of people have pissed Dorito wishes into the internet snow, and here I am, eating the very same chips that they’re crying about. This whole article has been a long con. I’m just here to humblebrag.

Hey guys. Just sitting here in a busted computer chair, eatin’ Mexican Doritos.

I only have one sock on.

Posted by Matt on 04/06/16