Elements Of A Heartfelt Apology After The Affair

After the affair was discovered did you receive what you would consider a good apology? If so, what elements did it contain?

No. Once the divorce papers were served the arrogance and in your face hatred backed off a little, but there was never an apology that A. I could believe, or B. Didn’t have some sort of defensiveness or blameshifting. At one point she even said, “I own this 100%, but you did a lot of things wrong, you weren’t perfect.” Well guess what, none of us are perfect, and if being perfect was the criteria for her not to cheat, well then I don’t think she’ll ever find someone she won’t cheat on.

Did you receive a bad apology? If so, what was bad about it?

As noted above, and that was the closest thing to an actual apology as I got.

Are you willing to accept your partner’s apology? If not, what holds you back?

No, never did, and thus the divorce. Every moment of every day was an opportunity for her to actually make changes, dig into herself, find answers, communicate how terrible it was for her to do, find ways to make life safe again, own her issues, discuss how she could improve, etc. None of that happened. In fact, for 4 months AFTER (supposedly) her affair was over, she was still friends with him on facebook. My actual healing started the day she was out of my house and my life for good. Her continued denial, actions, and refusal to actually come clean was the main issue post affair. And my decision to divorce turned out to be correct. Not only did she continue to chase her AP, she got him a different job in her new company, and has continued to chase him, almost if to validate that her decision was right. He has moved on (big shocker), though the nature of their continued relationship is now out of my line of sight and thank God will be forever.

After 16 years, chasing a dream…a fantasy, was more important than swallowing her pride and admitting to everything. That’s a shame. What’s more of a shame is going through life delusional. Thank God I know the truth.

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