Everything You Should Know About Anal Orgasms - Cosmopolitan

Anal orgasms are somewhat of a mystery to most of us mortals. Can anyone have one, regardless of anatomy? How do you give a woman or vagina-owning person an anal orgasm? Are they just for people with penises who have a prostate (known as the P-spot)?

Sammi Cole, Lovehoney's sex expert told me everything you need to know about what I now will forever refer to as 'buttgasms'...

What is an anal orgasm?

"Though the chances are slimmer than with direct genital stimulation, it is possible for people of any gender/sex to climax through anal play," she says. "This is because a lot of the nerves and muscles in that region are all interlinked with your sexual organs, and for people with penises, the super-sensitive prostate gland that plays a vital role during ejaculation is most easily stimulated via the anus."

Anal orgasms can happen to people of all/any genders and sexes

How do you give someone an anal orgasm?

As with all sex things, Sammi explains there is no one-size-fits-all approach to anal orgasms, because every body is different. She stresses the need to relax both in your mind and your butt. After all, anal play is about as intimate as it gets, so it's super important you feel comfortable, trusting and in control.

Communicate and relax

"Firstly, remember that if you’re playing with another person, you need to feel comfortable communicating what is and isn’t feeling good for you so you’re both having the most enjoyable experience possible," she says. "Similarly, if you’re the one doing the penetrating or playing, make sure that you’re listening to and responding to your partner’s body. If you’re not sure they’re happy, ask them."

"If you’re not sure they’re happy, ask them"

The sphincter muscles of the anus are very strong, and need to be given time to relax for comfortable anal. "You also need to be in the right headspace for that to happen," she says. "If the brain’s not willing, the body won’t be either."

Use lube

This is why you need need NEED to use a good quality lubricant designed specifically for anal. Unlike the vagina, the anus doesn't self-lubricate and get itself wet. Therefore it needs extra stuff to make penetration comfortable, more enjoyable, and to protect you from injury.

Sliquid's range of organic, vegan, hypoallergenic lubes are good quality and made from the best ingredients - and their 'sassy' anal lube is incredibly long-lasting.

Sliquid Sassy Water-Based Anal Lubricant 125ml

Now 13% Off£12.99 at Lovehoney

Start small

"Make sure that you start with something small like a finger to get used to the sensation," Sammi advises. "Then, when (or indeed if) you or your partner feel ready, you can move on to a larger anal sex toy (or penis/strap-on).

The best beginners anal sex toys to start off with are usually the cute, small, not-remotely-intimidating ones. Rocks Off do an amazing range of beginner's anal toys, including this adorable vibrating plug:

Rocks Off Teazer Petite Sensations Beginner's Vibrating Butt Plug

£19.99 at Lovehoney

And while you're starting off small, start off slow. Never just go right in there. "Most of the nerve endings in the anal area are found in the skin on the outside, so be sure to spend some time experimenting with external stimulation to really get the excitement building," Sammi says. "After all, orgasm is a release of tension as blood flows back into the body from the genitals, so you’ll need to work up to it."

Some people find just using a finger around the anus to be very exciting, whereas some prefer the sensations of analingus (aka our old pal rimming), where a partner uses their tongue instead of their finger. Using a vibrator on the outside of the anus can also help with relaxation, too, as the motion of vibration massages the muscles.

Get some other bits involved

"If you’ve never experience an anal orgasm before, then you may find that your best bet for getting there the first time is to combine anal stimulation with other play," she says. "Try combining oral sex and gently stroking the anus and perineum if you’re with a partner, or grab a hands-free sex toy such as nipple clamps if you’re playing solo so you can light up more than one erogenous zone at once.

She warns never to go from anal to vaginal (or anywhere else) with toys or fingers. This is know commonly as 'double-dipping' and it can lead to infections and all sorts of awful things you don't want in your butt or vulva.

If you have a vagina

"People with vulvas may also find that, just as with a G-spot orgasm, it can be easier to experience an anal orgasm if you climax in your ‘preferred way’ first," she recommends.

Climax in your ‘preferred way’ first

"So if you’re someone who usually needs clitoral stimulation to come, have your first orgasm that way, then move onto the anal fun. This can also help to relax your anal muscles, too, making things more comfortable."

If you have a penis

Often, the key to anal orgasms for people with penises is prostate stimulation. "You can feel the prostate gland a few inches inside the anus on the wall closest to the stomach as a firm, round, textured area about the size of a walnut, and just like the G-spot in women and people with vaginas, it generally requires firm (but not rough!) stimulation for maximum pleasure."

To rub against the surface of the prostate, Sammi suggests either using fingers or a prostate massager that delivers a ‘come-hither’ motion. That way, you can experiment with different pressures and strokes to find what works for you/your partner. The LELO Loki Wave is a fancy AF (but totally worth splashing out on, if you love butt stuff) as it literally waves inside you, targeting vibes and pressure to the P-spot.

Lelo Loki Wave Rechargeable Vibrating Prostate Massager

£169.99 at Lovehoney

For some people with penises, this prostate massage is enough to bring them to climax without any extra stimulation. For others, however, it may need to be combined with added play to get them over the finish line. But what you may find is that during prostate play, there’s a lot more pre-cum that comes out before ejaculation occurs - this is a result of what is known as prostate milking.

If you want to keep it as poop-free as possible

Sammi says if you're worried about any potential mess (hazard of the job, unfortunately) "make sure that you’ve gone to the toilet a couple of hours before play, and had a shower or wash before you head to the bedroom."

She also says some people find that adding an anal douche for extra cleanliness can help their peace of mind, but adds that it’s very much down to individual preference.

Best anal sex toys for beginners

Rocks Off Teazer Petite Sensations Beginner’s Vibrating Butt Plug

£22.99 at Lovehoney

If you want a beginners anal vibrator, this petite plug from Rocks Off is perfect. It's super slim, has 7 speeds to choose from and made from silky soft silicone.

Lovehoney Classic Silicone Anal Beads

£12.99 at Lovehoney

Anal beads are a lovely toy for beginners as they’re slim and start with the smallest bead, meaning you can insert them slowly and comfortably. Plus, when you pull them out they feel amazing.

Lovehoney Ignite Vibrating Butt Plug

£34.99 at Lovehoney

This vibrating butt plug from Lovehoney is powerful and has 20 vibration patterns and speeds. It has 3 inches of insertable length, is rechargeable and waterproof.

What you really need to remember

Sammi says it's super important to bear this in mind: "If you don’t get there, don’t worry - anal play can still be intensely pleasurable without an orgasm, so just enjoy the experimentation."

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Paisley GilmourFormer Sex & Relationships Editor

Paisley is the former Sex and Relationships editor at Cosmopolitan UK. She covers everything from sex toys, how to masturbate and sex positions, to all things LGBTQ. She definitely reveals too much about her personal life on the Internet.