Funny Puns, Play On Words, Humorous Use Of English Language ...
Maybe your like
 Wikipedia Sitemap |
|  Useful Links 1 Useful Links 2 |
Funny Puns, Play on Words, Wise Sayings, Proverbs,Quotations, Humorous Use of the English Language,and Strange Facts
Pun and Funny English - Part B Pun and Funny English - Part C
What Is a Pun?
"A pun, or paronomasia, is a form of word play that deliberately exploits an ambiguity between similar-sounding words for humorous or rhetorical effect. Such ambiguity may arise from the intentional misuse of homophonical, homographical, homonymic, polysemic, metonymic, or metaphorical language."
"A pun is a comedic phrase that plays off of the sounds and double meanings of words. Puns can be quite clever, but often come off as silly, cheeseball attempts at humor. A pun is a humorous play on words." ~ From Vocabulary.com
View more definitions of "Pun" from - Cambridge Dictionary - Oxford Learner's Dictionary - Wikipedia.
Puns add a delightful twist to language, offering humor and clever wordplay that make everyday conversations more engaging. Explore creative ways to enhance your writing and incorporate witty expressions with tools like EduWriter.ai, designed to elevate your linguistic skills effortlessly.
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
Image source: National Instituteof Environmental Health Sciences (NIEHS) 3. Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
4. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
5. What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father in law.
6. It doesn't matter how kind you are, German children are always kinder. German translation: Kind = Child, Kinder (Plural of Kind) = Children. In German, however, all nouns are capitalized. ● Learn German While You Sleep 😀 130 Basic German Words and Phrases 🍻 English German. YouTube video, 3 hrs. Published by Trieu Duong HUYNH, Feb 21, 2018. ● If you learn German only when sleeping, you will speak German only when dreaming. ~ Radek Macalik.
7. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: "That's the last thing I need!"
10. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your Count that votes. ● A democracy is nothing more than mob rule, where fifty-one percent of the people may take away the rights of the other forty-nine. ~ Thomas Jefferson.
11. What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.
12. Work for a cause, not for applause. Live life to express, not to impress. Don't strive to make your presence noticed, just make your absence felt. ~ Unknown.
13. Why do we have noses that run and feet that smell?
14. There was a kidnapping at school yesterday. Don't worry, though - he woke up.
15. Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There's no menu - you get what you deserve.
16. How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
17. What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
18. The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints; we spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less. ~ Dr. Bob Moorehead. See Words Aptly Spoken and A Passion for Victory: Living Triumphantly Every Day. ● Our contradictions. We are in such a hurry to grow up, and then we long for our lost childhood. We make ourselves ill earning money, and then spend all our money on getting well again. We think so much about the future that we neglect the present, and thus experience neither the present nor the future. We live as if we were never going to die and die as if we had never lived. ~ Paulo Coelho. ● If you put bananas and money in front of monkeys, monkeys will choose bananas because monkeys do not know that money can buy a lot of bananas. In reality, if you put money and health in front of people, people tend to choose money because too many people do not know that health can bring more money and happiness. ~ Jack Ma, Billionaire entrepreneur, Co-founder of Alibaba Group.
19. We are what we repeatedly do; excellence, then, is not an act but a habit. ~ Aristotle.
20. An intellectual says a simple thing in a hard way. An artist says a hard thing in a simple way. ~ Charles Bukowski.
21. Nothing haunts us like the things we don't say. ~ Mitch Albom.
22. The quickest way to get someone's attention is to no longer want it. ~ Anonymous.
23. Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. ~ Erica Jong.
24. Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it. ~ Cullen Hightower.
25. More puns: ● The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. ● A backward poet writes inverse. ● I told my suitcase that there will be no vacation this year. Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage. ● If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock. That's humerus. ~ Casual Christian Comedy. ● I renamed my iPod "The Titanic", so when I plug it in, it says, "The Titanic is syncing." ● Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea. ● The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. ● Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen. ● If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine. ● When the past, present, and future go camping, they always argue. It's intense tense in tents. ● The best time to open a gift is the present. ● A mean crook going down stairs is a condescending con, descending. ● There was the person who sent ten puns to friends with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. ● What washes up on tiny beaches? Microwaves. ● A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. ● No matter how hard you push the envelope, it's still stationery. ● The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize. ● A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. ● The Middle Ages were called the Dark Ages because there were too many knights. ● I didn't think the chiropractor would improve my posture. But I stand corrected. ● I've got a phobia of over-engineered buildings. It's a complex complex complex. ● I took my new girlfriend out on our first date to the ice rink, and entry was half price. She called me a cheap skate. ● Studies show cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them. It's a case of in one ear and out the udder. ● Fruit farmers eat what they can and can what they can't. ~ Vince the Sign Guy. ● I used to date a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery. She was in charge of the hops. Or she works at Ihop. ● My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. I found out she was seeing someone on the side. ● My wife claims I'm the cheapest person she's ever met. I'm not buying it. ● Did you know that a raven has 17 rigid feathers called pinions, while a crow only has 16? The difference between a raven and a crow is just a matter of a pinion. ● I told my carpenter I didn't want carpeted steps. He gave me a blank stair. ● I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork. I thought I nailed it but nobody saw it. ● I have a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare. But he chewed it a lot. Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B. ● Is it good or bad if your vacuum sucks? ● Before my surgery, the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle. It was an ether/oar situation. ● What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision? Suture self. ● I visited a monastery and as I walked past the kitchen, I saw a man frying chips. I asked him, "Are you the friar?" He replied, "No, I'm the chip monk." ● Relish today. Ketchup tomorrow. ● I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes, now I have Heinzsight. ● Whenever I try to eat healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and Snickers. ● I'm giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I'm giving up. Eating chocolate for a month. ● And the cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good spit it out. ● Beer is now cheaper than gas. So drink, don't drive. ● Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk. ● Drink wine. It isn't good to keep things bottled up. ● My relationship with Whisky is on the rocks. ● She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. ● For chemists, alcohol is not a problem, it's a solution. ● Cows have hooves because they lactose. ● Cow stumbles into pot field! The steaks have never been higher. ● Turning vegan would be a big missed steak. ● Huge fight at local seafood diner! Battered fish everywhere. ● Be careful when you eat at Sam & Ella's Diner. ~ Indian Hills Community Center. ● Bread is a lot like the sun. It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist. ● I have a chicken proof lawn. It's impeccable. ● One bird can't make a pun. But toucan. ● Crushing pop cans is soda pressing. ● People are making Apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow. ● I'm terrified of elevators, and I'm taking steps to avoid them. ● I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it. ● Electricians have to strip to make ends meet. ● Need an ark? I Noah guy. ● Well, to be Frank, I'd have to change my name. ● Dogs can't operate MRI scanners, but Catscan. ● Be the person your dog thinks you are. ● Do German cats have multiple lives? Nein. ● Our mountains aren's just funny, they're hill areas. ● I hate this snow! No ... wait. I love this snow! Signed, Bi-Polar Bear. ● See I Made a Snowman. ● I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know Y. ● The word "queue" is just a Q followed by four silent letters. ● Is the "s" or "c" in "scent" silent? ● A garage sale is actually a Garbage sale but the "b" is silent. ● Double negatives are a No-No in English. ● A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. ● What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays. ● How do you throw a space party? You planet. ● It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally. ● What's the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac? A literalist takes things literally. A kleptomaniac takes things, literally. ● I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it. ● Why was the baby ant confused? Because all his uncles were ants! ● 5 ants rented an apartment with 5 other ants. Now they are tenants. ● Why was it so hot in the stadium after the baseball game? Because all the fans left! ● What do you get if you cross a setter and a pointer at Christmas time? A pointsetter. ● What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum - you can't beat it! ● If you don't C sharp before crossing the street, you'll B flat. ● Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner. ● How did I escape Iraq? Iran. ● Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I. ~ Oscar Levant. ● I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative. ● I'm changing my name to 'Benefits' on Facebook. Next time someone adds me, it will say "You are now friends with Benefits." ● The barber opened up a shavings account. ● I've failed the mathematics test so many times, I lost count. ● A line is length without breadth. ~ Euclid or Heron of Alexandria. ● A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. ● Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson. ● A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around. ● Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars. ● How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer. ● I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough. ● Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, "Oh no, not U2 again." ● Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it's a whole sentence. ● I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won't lie, it was a rocky road. ● I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarzenegger dolls are and he replied, "Aisle B, back." ● I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness.
Lexophilia
26. You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
27. Tim bought 2 goldfish and named them 1 and 2. If 1 died, he'll still have 2.
28. If you put your left shoe on the wrong foot ... it's on the right foot.
29. My brother wishes he could compose smutty verse as good as mine. Is this scribbling ribaldry?
30. The phone call interrupted my nap, and I never did get the rest.
31. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened.
32. I used to be afraid of purchasing residential property for the purpose of renting, but now I have an apartment complex.
33. Deafness is getting to be quite a problem for me lately. I never thought I'd hear myself say that.
34. It's amazing what two or more sinners can achieve together with synergy.
