EXPLORE Courses Guides About Us wikiHow Home Categories Dating Friendship Sex & Intimacy Partnership Self
LOG IN
Log in
Social login does not work in incognito and private browsers. Please log in with your username or email to continue. FacebookGooglewikiHow Account No account yet? Create an account
Subscribe
Home
Random
Browse Articles
TrendingNew
Quizzes & Games
All QuizzesHot
Love Quizzes
Personality Quizzes
Fun Games
Dating Simulator
Learn Something New
Forums
Courses
Happiness Hub
Explore More
Support wikiHow
About wikiHow
Log in / Sign up
Terms of Use wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. Learn why people trust wikiHow
Relationships
Dating
Going Dutch on a Date: Meaning, Etiquette, and More Download Article Co-authored by John Keegan and Jennifer Mueller, JD
Last Updated: July 24, 2025 References
Download Article
What does going Dutch mean?
|
Why to Go Dutch on a Date
|
Bringing Up Going Dutch
|Show more|Show less X
This article was co-authored by John Keegan and by wikiHow staff writer, Jennifer Mueller, JD. John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health. There are 9 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been viewed 29,491 times.
It's natural to be a little nervous if you're about to go out on a date—but who's going to pay shouldn't be the reason for any butterflies in your stomach. The easiest solution is to simply go Dutch, but what does this phrase mean and why should you do it? Here, you'll learn everything you need to know about how to go Dutch on a date and why you should make it a habit.
Steps
Section 1 of 3:
What does going Dutch mean?
1 Going Dutch means paying your own way. The strictest definition of "going Dutch" is that you pay for what you order or consume on the date. So if you and your date go to a restaurant, you would each pay for whatever you ate. Shared an appetizer? You'd split that item down the middle. Likewise, if you go to a movie, you'd each buy your own tickets and concessions.[1]XResearch source
This allows each of you to order whatever you want without having to worry about being out of the other person's price range.
2 The phrase started as a slight against Dutch people long ago. Back in the 1600s, the English people thought the Dutch were too stingy and capitalistic for their own good. So stingy, in fact, that they made women pay for their own dinners on dates! The phrase has stood the test of time, but these days there's no cultural meaning behind it.[2]XResearch source
Today, most people consider going Dutch on a date to be a sign of respect and equality. However, more traditional views are still popular, especially in heterosexual dating.[3]XResearch source
Advertisement
3 Splitting the bill down the middle is also considered going Dutch. If you both ordered similarly priced entrées and split an appetizer or dessert, simply paying half makes sense. But at the same time, if one of you ordered something significantly less expensive than the other person, paying 50/50 can cause resentment.[4]XResearch source
Sure, if the bill is only $40, it's fine for each of you to throw in $20 and call it a day. But what if one of you only nibbled on a small appetizer and drank water while the other person ate steak with a glass of wine?
Assuming you agreed to split the bill ahead of time, someone who orders a less expensive option is probably considering their own budget. It doesn't make sense to essentially force them to spend more.
4 You could also agree to pay for specific things. This method works best if one person insists on picking up the tab. Sometimes, your date might be so insistent on paying for the whole date that it gets awkward. Offering to pay for at least a portion can help satisfy your need to keep things equal.[5]XResearch source
For example, if your date refuses to split the bill, you might say, "Well, that's fine, but at least let me pay for the dessert! You only had one small bite of it."
The most common split here is for one of you to pay for the food while the other pays for drinks. If you spent several hours at a bar or restaurant, this can be a good compromise.
Advertisement Section 2 of 3:
Why to Go Dutch on a Date
1 It means you don't have to worry about who's paying. When you agree to each pay your own way, you always know basically how much the date is going to cost you. There's no worry about the expense to cloud your mind and take away from the experience.[6]X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business ReviewOnline and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source
If you've just started dating someone, it can be uncomfortable sharing details about your personal finances. Splitting the bill means your finances stay private.
Sharing costs also means you'll be able to go out more often. It gets pretty expensive if one person foots the bill every time.
Going dutch makes every situation fair and comfortable. Whether you're having a gourmet meal or Chinese takeout, you're only responsible for your half.
2 It eliminates unspoken expectations. Often, the person who pays assumes they're entitled to something from you. This assumption is most common with heterosexual dating when the man pays, but it can rear its ugly head regardless of the gender of you and your date. Even if the person who pays doesn't feel this way, you might think they do—that can lead to you feeling pressured to become intimate or go further with them than you want to.[7]XResearch source
The other side of this is that if one person picks up the tab, you may assume they'll also pay next time you go out—or they'll think you expect them to, even if you don't. Setting a pattern of going Dutch ensures that neither of you is making any assumptions.
3 You won't feel guilty if there's not a second date. It's common to feel guilty if the other person picked up the tab and you didn't have a good time or have no interest in seeing them again. If you go Dutch, you can at least guarantee that they didn't pay any more than they would have if they'd gone out alone.[8]XResearch source
If you make more casual plans, it's possible the person you're with doesn't even realize you were considering the outing a date. Going Dutch makes this situation a lot less awkward.
4 Paying your own way levels the playing field. When one person consistently pays, it can establish a more hierarchical relationship in which they see themselves as the one who provides and cares for the other. But when you go Dutch, no one person has that power over the other.[9]XResearch source
Someone who consistently pays may believe they have the right to choose where you go and what you do on dates—after all, it's their money, right? When you pay your own way, you assert your independence from the other person.
5 You set a standard of being open and honest about finances. It's common to avoid talking about money. You might think it's simply none of your business, especially at the beginning of a relationship. But not being open and honest about finances can cause more serious problems as your relationship progresses. Paying your own way on dates allows you each to have a better understanding of each other's financial situation from the outset.[10]X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business ReviewOnline and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source
Here you can take a cue from the Dutch themselves, in whom directness is culturally ingrained.[11]XResearch source The Dutch would think nothing of discussing finances openly, so if you're truly "going Dutch," you shouldn't be worried about this either.
Advertisement Section 3 of 3:
Bringing Up Going Dutch
1 Ask about going Dutch before you go out. As soon as the idea of the two of you going out together is brought up, immediately let them know that you want to go Dutch. If they press you on it, simply say that you feel more comfortable that way.[12]XResearch source
This way, nobody is put on the spot. If you already know what's going to happen, you don't have to worry about it.
You might say, "I'd be happy to go to dinner with you, but I'd prefer if we go Dutch. I hope that won't be a problem."
If they insist on paying, you can say, "I appreciate it, but I'm more comfortable paying my own way this time. We can discuss other arrangements in the future."
2 Decide jointly where to go and what to do. This ensures you're going someplace that both of you can afford. You don't necessarily have to pry into the other person's finances to do this—just give them a few alternatives. If they're the one asking you out and the spot they've picked is a bit pricey for your taste, suggest somewhere else. Choose restaurants that publish their menus online so you can both check the place out before you go.[13]XResearch source
You might say, "I know Virago has a great reputation, but I'm not really feeling like sushi tonight. Could we meet up at Sixty Vines instead?"
If you're suggesting places, name 2 or 3 spots in roughly the same part of town.
In a larger city, you might want to agree on the neighborhood first, since those also vary in price. Then narrow down your selection from there.
3 Mention going Dutch again at the start of the date. This avoids the awkward moment when the bill arrives. Once you've both arrived at the scene of the date, check in with your companion to ensure that your agreement still holds. Bringing it up again lets them know that you weren't just saying that you wanted to go Dutch—you actually meant it.[14]XResearch source
You might say, "We're paying separately, right? Just want to make sure we're still on the same page about that."
If you're at a restaurant, let the server know as soon as you're seated. Say, "This will be on separate checks." That way there's never any opportunity for disagreement or awkwardness.
4 Let your date pay if they insist. All things considered, this isn't worth getting into a fight over—especially on your first date! Some people genuinely want to pay and might be offended if you keep pushing the issue. Instead, just express your gratitude and drop the matter.[15]XResearch source
For example, you might say, "Thank you so much, that's so nice of you." You could add, "But you have to let me pick up the tab on our next date—I insist."
Advertisement
Expert Q&A
Search Add New Question Ask a Question 200 characters left Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Submit Advertisement
Tips
Submit a Tip All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published Name Please provide your name and last initial Submit Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
You Might Also Like
Who Should Pay on a Date? Modern Rules for Date EtiquetteHow toAct when Your Boyfriend Keeps Paying for EverythingA Complete List of Dating RulesHow toBe a Good DateHow toHave a Successful First Date at the Movies (Guys)How toDate Successfully As a Teenage GirlHow toImpress a Girl on a DateHow to Finish a First DateHow toBe Romantic on Your First Date15 Expert-Approved First Date TipsHow to Act & What to Do on a Movie Date10+ Chivalrous Ways to Charm Her on a DateHow toImpress a Girl on a First DateHow toAct on a Date (for Boys) Advertisement
Co-authored by: John Keegan Dating Coach This article was co-authored by John Keegan and by wikiHow staff writer, Jennifer Mueller, JD. John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health. This article has been viewed 29,491 times. 4 votes - 100% Co-authors: 4Updated: July 24, 2025 Views: 29,491 Categories: Dating
Print
Send fan mail to authors
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 29,491 times.
Did this article help you?
Yes No Advertisement Cookies make wikiHow better. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our cookie policy. Co-authored by: John Keegan Dating Coach Co-authors: 4Updated: July 24, 2025 Views: 29,491100% of readers found this article helpful. 4 votes - 100% Click a star to add your vote
Quizzes & Games
Am I Good at Flirting QuizTake QuizPrincess Treatment vs Bare Minimum QuizTake QuizWhat's My Dating Style?Take QuizAm I Emotionally Unavailable QuizTake QuizWhat Is My Type of Girl QuizTake QuizHow High Are My Dating Standards QuizTake Quiz
You Might Also Like
Who Should Pay on a Date? Modern Rules for Date EtiquetteHow toAct when Your Boyfriend Keeps Paying for EverythingA Complete List of Dating RulesHow toBe a Good Date
Trending Articles
Am I Good at Flirting QuizHow Sexual Am I QuizHow Many Secret Admirers Do I Have QuizRank My Attractiveness Quiz5 Different Types of Butts: Find Your ShapeWhat Would My Nickname Be Quiz
Watch Articles
How toImpress a Girl on a First DateWhat Are Tear Burns on TikTok and What Causes Them?How toWear a HoodieHow toChiffonadeHow toMake a Fabric RoseHow toConfront a Bully
Trending Articles
What Is My Intelligence Type Quiz210+ Shower Thoughts: Funny, Deep, Weird & Mind-BlowingHow toTell That Your Crush Likes You BackDepression Test for TeensSCP Fight Simulator: Who Will Win?Am I Autistic Quiz
Quizzes & Games
Which Dating App Should I Use QuizTake QuizAm I Giving Someone the Ick QuizTake QuizWill I Ever Find Love QuizTake QuizAm I Too Nice QuizTake Quiz
Relationships
Dating
You're all set! Join our weekly Relationships Newsletter. Sign up
Download Article Co-authored by John Keegan and Jennifer Mueller, JD 
Advertisement 
Co-authored by: John Keegan Dating Coach This article was co-authored by John Keegan and by wikiHow staff writer, Jennifer Mueller, JD. John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health. This article has been viewed 29,491 times. 4 votes - 100% Co-authors: 4 Updated: July 24, 2025 Views: 29,491 Categories: Dating 
Take Quiz
Take Quiz
Take Quiz
Take Quiz
Take Quiz
Take Quiz 
Take Quiz
Take Quiz
Take Quiz
Take Quiz 
405 
1 Going Dutch means paying your own way. The strictest definition of "going Dutch" is that you pay for what you order or consume on the date. So if you and your date go to a restaurant, you would each pay for whatever you ate. Shared an appetizer? You'd split that item down the middle. Likewise, if you go to a movie, you'd each buy your own tickets and concessions.[1] 
2 The phrase started as a slight against Dutch people long ago. Back in the 1600s, the English people thought the Dutch were too stingy and capitalistic for their own good. So stingy, in fact, that they made women pay for their own dinners on dates! The phrase has stood the test of time, but these days there's no cultural meaning behind it.[2] 
3 Splitting the bill down the middle is also considered going Dutch. If you both ordered similarly priced entrées and split an appetizer or dessert, simply paying half makes sense. But at the same time, if one of you ordered something significantly less expensive than the other person, paying 50/50 can cause resentment.[4] 
4 You could also agree to pay for specific things. This method works best if one person insists on picking up the tab. Sometimes, your date might be so insistent on paying for the whole date that it gets awkward. Offering to pay for at least a portion can help satisfy your need to keep things equal.[5] 
1 It means you don't have to worry about who's paying. When you agree to each pay your own way, you always know basically how much the date is going to cost you. There's no worry about the expense to cloud your mind and take away from the experience.[6] 
2 It eliminates unspoken expectations. Often, the person who pays assumes they're entitled to something from you. This assumption is most common with heterosexual dating when the man pays, but it can rear its ugly head regardless of the gender of you and your date. Even if the person who pays doesn't feel this way, you might think they do—that can lead to you feeling pressured to become intimate or go further with them than you want to.[7] 
3 You won't feel guilty if there's not a second date. It's common to feel guilty if the other person picked up the tab and you didn't have a good time or have no interest in seeing them again. If you go Dutch, you can at least guarantee that they didn't pay any more than they would have if they'd gone out alone.[8] 
4 Paying your own way levels the playing field. When one person consistently pays, it can establish a more hierarchical relationship in which they see themselves as the one who provides and cares for the other. But when you go Dutch, no one person has that power over the other.[9] 
5 You set a standard of being open and honest about finances. It's common to avoid talking about money. You might think it's simply none of your business, especially at the beginning of a relationship. But not being open and honest about finances can cause more serious problems as your relationship progresses. Paying your own way on dates allows you each to have a better understanding of each other's financial situation from the outset.[10] 
1 Ask about going Dutch before you go out. As soon as the idea of the two of you going out together is brought up, immediately let them know that you want to go Dutch. If they press you on it, simply say that you feel more comfortable that way.[12] 
2 Decide jointly where to go and what to do. This ensures you're going someplace that both of you can afford. You don't necessarily have to pry into the other person's finances to do this—just give them a few alternatives. If they're the one asking you out and the spot they've picked is a bit pricey for your taste, suggest somewhere else. Choose restaurants that publish their menus online so you can both check the place out before you go.[13] 
3 Mention going Dutch again at the start of the date. This avoids the awkward moment when the bill arrives. Once you've both arrived at the scene of the date, check in with your companion to ensure that your agreement still holds. Bringing it up again lets them know that you weren't just saying that you wanted to go Dutch—you actually meant it.[14] 
4 Let your date pay if they insist. All things considered, this isn't worth getting into a fight over—especially on your first date! Some people genuinely want to pay and might be offended if you keep pushing the issue. Instead, just express your gratitude and drop the matter.[15] 
Advertisement Cookies make wikiHow better. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our cookie policy.