Guide To Talking Dirty During Sex: 107 Tips And Examples - Healthline

Maybe your like

HealthlineSubscribe

Sexual Health

We include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Here’s our process

A Beginner’s Guide to Talking Dirty Virtually or IRL

Medically reviewed by Janet Brito, Ph.D., LCSW, CST-S — Written by Gabrielle Kassel on April 6, 2021

Getting consent
Tips for confidence
Texting
Voice memo or phone call
Video call
In person
For inspiration
If you ‘messed up’ or want to stop
Takeaway

cropped image of two people laying face-to-face in bed together — Kristen Curette & Daemaine Hines/Stocksy United

You don’t have to be an erotica novelist or fanfic author to crush the dirty talk game.

All you need is a little confidence, a willing partner (or two!), and this dirty talk guide.

Scroll down for dozens of dirty talking examples you can use on your boo, no matter the medium. Eye them now, copy and paste, repeat, or read them your boo later.

Consent and respect are key

“You always want to check in before beginning to dirty talk in person or via text,” says certified intimacy educator and sex coach Stella Harris, author of “The Ultimate Guide to Threesomes.”

You might say:

“I just woke up from a really sexy dream about us. Can I tell you about it?”
“I’m going to crawl into bed and pleasure myself. Do you have any interest in dirty talking with me while I do?”
“I can’t stop thinking about last night… do you want to hear about it from my perspective?”
“I’m in a ~mood~ if you know what I mean. Are you open to exchanging some R-rated texts?”
“Sometimes during sex, I have quite the dirty mouth. Before we keep going I just want to see how you feel about that. Do you enjoy dirty talking during sex?”

The start of a conversation is also a good time to exchange any no-fly trigger words.

Discuss what the dirty talk will entail to make sure it’s within everyone’s established boundaries and desires, explains Harris.

For example, maybe in your opinion “soft” is a compliment, but your partner hears it as a criticism of their weight. Or maybe you enjoy being called a “slut” during sex, but the request to call you such pulls your partner out of the moment.

“Basically you want to negotiate dirty talk ahead of time just like you’d negotiate any other sex,” she says.

Here’s what that could look like:

“Just an FYI: I really like being called ‘strong’ and ‘capable’ in bed, and hate any words that could imply I’m not all muscle. Do you have any adjective preferences you want to share?”
“Are there any names you like being called in bed? ‘Baby’? ‘Slut’? ‘Daddy’s girl’? ‘My little girl’?”
“Before we begin, I want to let you know that I find doggy style and any references to it to be triggering. So I’d like to keep that out of our verbal and physical play. Do you have any preferences?”
“I like my genitals referred to as my ‘click’ or ‘cock’ and my chest called my ‘chest.’ Do you have any words that you do and don’t like for your body parts?”

Confidence 101

“Everyone is nervous when it comes to sex, at least some of the time,” says Harris. “Even though it can feel tricky to pull off at first, confidence is key.”

And if you don’t have it yet, fake it ‘til you make it. Here’s how.

Be enthusiastic

No matter what else you’re feeling, lead with enthusiasm.

“Showing enthusiasm for what you’re doing and for the person you’re with can help people feel wanted and desired,” says Harris.

And if they feel desired? They’ll be more likely to help you feel that same feeling.

Plus, “it’ll likely lead the person you’re with to become brave and say or try new things too,” she says. Win-win!

Don’t overthink it!

Can you come up with an elaborate fantasy featuring handcuffs, a fire-breathing dragon, and a multi-orgasmic sex sesh? Sure, if that’s the kind of verbal hanky-panky you and your partner have agreed on.

You can also just describe what you’re doing or what you wish you were doing!

“Describe everything using all five senses,” says Harris. “What are you seeing, feeling, hearing, smelling? Share that!”

Make sounds

If you’re together in person or exchanging audio notes, make noise!

An “mmm,” “oh baby,” or similar moan-inspired sound will encourage your partner to continue what they’re saying or doing.

Ask questions

Another option when you get stuck is to ask your partner a question.

For example:

“Hmm, and what would you like me to do back to you?”
“Is that what you want? Tell me more.”
“Yeah? What would you do next?”
“And then what?”

If you’re texting

Over text, as opposed to IRL, you have the gift of time. Time to draw out the sexperience, and time to get creative in what you say.

Combine the below sexting examples to craft the sexiest virtual sex convo you or your partner(s) have ever had.

Building anticipation

“I can’t wait to send you a photo of the new underwear I got when I get home.”
“Baby, when I get home from work, I’m going to make you orgasm using only my words.”
“Will you be a good little boi for Mommy tonight?”

In the moment

“I’m so turned on. Do I have permission to touch myself, Master?”
“I wish you could reach between my legs and feel what you do to my body.”
“When I close my eyes, I can practically feel the way your hands trace the lines of my body… the way your fingers know exactly where my hot spots are.”

Requests

“Tell me exactly what you remember about the first time we had sex.”
“Describe it to me in detail. Don’t leave a single thing out.”
“Will you tell me what you’d do to me if I showed up at your door in my uniform?”

Recognitions

“You know just what to say…”
“In a single text, you’re able to make my breath hitch, my eyes roll backward, my heart quicken.”
“Umm… E.L James is that you?? Kidding. But damn, those are some sexy messages you crafted tonight.”

Afterward

“After seeing what you can do to my body using only words, I can’t wait to see what you can do to it using your mouth and hands… if you’re interested that is.”
“Wow. I’m blown away by how SEXY that was! I’d love to do that again sometime if you enjoyed that, too.”
“I’m exhausted after that orgasm. But before I put my phone away I want to check: Is there anything you need or want from me to feel good about how this convo ended?”

If you’re into voice memos or on the phone

Upgrading your sexting session with your voice? Call on these one-liners to sound like a phone sex operator (aka a dirty talking professional)!

Trust, your boo won’t know what hit ‘em.

Building anticipation

“I’m going to take my jeans off so that I can more easily touch myself while I think of you.”
“I can’t wait to make you moan my name tonight.”
“When you’re done with work, I’m going to call you and bring you to orgasm over and over and over again…”

In the moment

“Think about this: You’re on the bed reading. I slip out of the bathroom in silk. My breasts spilling out of the material, my legs tanned from summer, my lips parted already ready to take you into my mouth…”
“I’m remembering the time you tasted me in the cornfield. The way you crawled between my legs, slipped your head under my summer dress, and lapped at me like a dog laps their bowl. You tasted and tasted and tasted, alternating using your tongue and fingers until I pulled you on top of me.”
“I watched a porn video on CrashPad. Can I tell you about it?”

Requests

“I want you to take your panties off for me. Will you do that?”
“I’m not going to let you make yourself come until you send me an audio clip of you begging me to let you finish. Will you be a good little sub and send that for me?”
“Send me the link to your go-to porn video. I want to watch it while I f*ck my tight little hole thinking of you.”

Recognitions

“I love the way your voice sounds when you’re full of wanting.”
“For a good boy you say the dirtiest things. And I love it.”
“I love hearing your breath catch in your throat when I say something that turns you on.”

Afterward

“Wow, I had no idea that phone sex could be that good. Thank you for sharing that experience with me. I’m just a call away the next time you want to do that.”
“Damn, honey, that was sexy. How did it feel for you?”
“Would you be open to staying on the phone with me and just breathing until I recover from that orgasm?”

If you’re video chatting

The first step of good video sex, according to Harris, is setting the scene.

“Spend some time on your environment. How’s your lighting? How are your angles working? Light a candle or two,” she says. “This will help get you and your partners in the mood.”

Once you’ve done that, use these lines to get started.

Building anticipation

“Tonight over video I want you to make yourself come harder than you did last time we played.”
“Later tonight I’m going to fill my pretty bussy with the dildo you got me for my birthday. I’ll let you watch if you promise to make it worth my while.”
“I’m wearing the boxers you like today. If you’re free at 8 p.m., you can watch me take them off.”

In the moment

“If I was with you I’d lay you across my lap and take my time with that perfect ass. First, I’d trace delicate circles over each cheek, slowly working my fingertips closer to your perfect hole as I do. Then when you were writhing across my lap, I’d make you beg me to touch you. Only when you said ‘please’ would I bring my fingertip to the nerve-dense entrance and drive you wild…”
“Go on, take out the toy I always use on you. Now, use it on yourself the way I’d use it on you: starting first on your nipples, then drawing it down your body to your mouth, then to your labia, before getting to your perfect little bud.”
“When I close my eyes, I can feel the heat of your body against mine. The way it emanates from your body when pressed against my body.”

Requests

“I love when we explore more kinky fantasies. But tonight can we keep it a little more vanilla?”
“Tell me about the last threesome you had. Don’t leave anything out.”
“I want to pretend my hands are yours. Tell me how you want me to touch myself.”

Recognitions

“I don’t think anyone has ever gotten me this horny without actually touching me before.”
“Wow… I didn’t think it was possible to want you more. But after that, I do.”
“You are so freaking sexy…”

Afterward

“I have a client call in 30 minutes so I need to hang up. But I would love to do this again tomorrow. Say, 7 p.m.?”
“Oof! I need water and a burger after that! I’m wiped in the best way possible. Can I Uber Eats anything to you?”
“I know you usually like cuddling after sex. Is there anything I can do right now to recreate that experience for us?”

If you’re in person

What you say will depend on whether you’re able to be ~physically intimate~ in the moment or not.

And you’re in public together

“If these people weren’t around, I’d drop to my knees.”
“I can’t stop thinking about taking you into the coat closet, filling your mouth with my panties, and f*cking your greedy hole.”
“Without letting want color your face, I want you to remember the way I felt inside you last night. The way your body pulsed around me, held onto me, pulled me deeper…”
“When we get back to the hotel room I’m going to help you come over and over and over again.”

And you’re somewhere private

“I want you to tell me about the porn you watched last night while I taste you.”
“I’m going to tease the living shit out of you tonight, baby.”
“You are my favorite flavor. I could stay between your legs all night long.”
“You look so sexy, laying there, waiting for me to ravish you…”

If you need more inspiration

For even more inspo, Harris recommendswatching some R-rated films, reading erotica, or listening to some ~suggestive~ podcasts.

“Sometimes it’s easier to get started when the ideas are coming from an outside source,” she says.

If you’re looking for a free option, check out the My Dad Wrote a Porno podcast.

You might also check to see if your local library has access to any of the media available for purchase below:

“The L Word: Generation Q,” season 1, episode 4
“The Lucky One,” starring Zac Efron, Taylor Schilling, and Jay R. Ferguson
“The Shape Of Water,” starring Sally Hawkins, Michael Shannon, and Richard Jenkins
“Diary of a Sexual Submissive: A Modern True Tale of Sexual Awakening” by Sophie Morgan
“To Italy With Love” by Fiona Zedde
“Behrouz Gets Lucky” by Avery Cassell
“The Boss” by Abigail Barnette
“No Limits” by Lori Foster
“The Club” by A.L. Brooks

Another option is to practice dirty talking with a robot known as Slutbot. Generated by Juicebox, an app that offers personalized sex and relationship coaching and advice, Slutbot is available 24/7 for sexting sessions.

If you’re in the United States or Canada, text “SLUTBOT” to 415-212-6448 to get started. (FYI: Standard messaging rates apply).

If you’re outside the United States or Canada, you can chat with Slutbot on Messenger by texting “SLUTBOT.”

If you think you ‘messed up’ or just aren’t feeling it

No biggie!

Just communicate exactly what happened or what you’re feeling and ask for what you want (or need) to happen next.

If you got tongue-tied

“I’m so sorry! I don’t know why I said that. I was nervous. Let me try again?”
“Gosh, I’m so turned on that I’m tongue-tied.”
“I’m so turned on I can’t think of anything to say.”
“I realize I didn’t ask permission before calling you that. That’s absolutely something I should have done. I’m sorry. So let me ask now: What are your feelings on being called that during sex? There are so many other things I could call you instead!”
“WOW! I absolutely should have done a temperature check before going there. I got caught up in the moment and I’m so sorry.”

If you want to stop or try something else

“I know I said I was really excited about trying phone sex earlier today, but now that we’re doing it, my nerves are getting the best of me. Can we stop for now and try again over text tomorrow or the next day?”
“Last time we sexted was super hot, but I was wondering if tonight we can try sending audio notes back and forth?”
“Full transparency: I’m having trouble transitioning out of work-brain tonight. Can we press pause on the sexy stuff and just talk about our days?”
“I know this wasn’t your intention but what you just said triggered a trauma response to something that happened a few years ago. So, I’m going to end this conversation and treat myself to some self-care. But I’d love to try this again in a few days. I’ll text you.”

The bottom line

Congrats, you’ve made it to the end of this dirty talk lesson and passed with flying colors.

Next up: Testing out your R-rated chops. Good luck, Lovers!

Gabrielle Kassel (she/her) is a queer sex educator and wellness journalist who is committed to helping people feel the best they can in their bodies. In addition to Healthline, her work has appeared in publications such as Shape, Cosmopolitan, Well+Good, Health, Self, Women’s Health, Greatist, and more! In her free time, Gabrielle can be found coaching CrossFit, reviewing pleasure products, hiking with her border collie, or recording episodes of the podcast she co-hosts called Bad In Bed. Follow her on Instagram @Gabriellekassel.

How we reviewed this article:

SourcesHistoryHealthline has strict sourcing guidelines and relies on peer-reviewed studies, academic research institutions, and medical journals and associations. We only use quality, credible sources to ensure content accuracy and integrity. You can learn more about how we ensure our content is accurate and current by reading our editorial policy.

Harris S. (2021). Personal interview.

Share this article

Medically reviewed by Janet Brito, Ph.D., LCSW, CST-S — Written by Gabrielle Kassel on April 6, 2021

Health Conditions

Condition Spotlight

Wellness Topics

Product Reviews

Featured Programs

Featured

Lessons

Newsletters

Lifestyle Quizzes

Health News

This Just In

Top Reads

Video Series

Find Your Bezzy Community

Follow us on social media

Sexual Health

Consent and respect are key

Confidence 101

Be enthusiastic

Don’t overthink it!

Make sounds

Ask questions

If you’re texting

Building anticipation

In the moment

Requests

Recognitions

Afterward

If you’re into voice memos or on the phone

Building anticipation

In the moment

Requests

Recognitions

Afterward

If you’re video chatting

Building anticipation

In the moment

Requests

Recognitions

Afterward

If you’re in person

And you’re in public together

And you’re somewhere private

If you need more inspiration

If you think you ‘messed up’ or just aren’t feeling it

If you got tongue-tied

If you want to stop or try something else

The bottom line

How we reviewed this article:

related stories

Read this next

Contact