How Are You Holding Up? - WordReference Forums

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You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.You should upgrade or use an alternative browser. how are you holding up?

• Thread starter Thread starter Midland
• Start date Start date Mar 1, 2006

M

Midland

Senior Member

Japanese and Japan Hi! I sometimes hear in movies the question "How are you holding up?" is used to a person who has just lost his or her beloved one. Is this an encouraging question to such a person? Or is it merely a polite question to ask how they are in such a sad situation? Thanking you! N

nmuscatine

Senior Member

California English, USA The person who is asking the question might just be asking it out of politeness, or he/she might actually have serious concerns about whether or not the person who just lost a loved one is alright. I wouldn't say that it is an encouraging question. Rather, it is a question about the sufferer's welfare; an inquiry. The answer could be something neutral or slightly negative, such as "So-so" or "I've been better." M

Midland

Senior Member

Japanese and Japan nmuscatine, thanks. Let me make sure. Is this question always or usually asked to a person who just lost his or her beloved one? Or can you also use it to persons who are very sad not because of loss of their beloved ones but because of, say, the failure in the exam etc.?

panjandrum

Senior Member

Belfast, Ireland English-Ireland (top end) The question could be asked of - or about - anyone who has had a difficult experience of any kind. Bill has just discovered that his wife has run off with his lover. Mavis and Julie are talking about poor old Bill. Mavis might ask Julie, "How's he holding up?" M

Midland

Senior Member

Japanese and Japan Panjandrum, thank you. How do you use it? Do you often use it in such a situation? Is it the right question you would often ask when you are suspecting the sad person might kill himself or do something bad or unusual out of desperation? Or is it a polite way of asking "Are you okay" to a saddened person? Sorry if my question is too much in detail, but as you know this kind of situation requires a very subtle treatment. Thank you in advance.

panjandrum

Senior Member

Belfast, Ireland English-Ireland (top end)

Midland said: How do you use it? Do you often use it in such a situation? Is it the right question you would often ask when you are suspecting the sad person might kill himself or do something bad or unusual out of desperation? Or is it a polite way of asking "Are you okay" to a saddened person? Click to expand...

This is very much a matter of personal choice of vocabulary. I wouldn't use "holding up" much, if at all, and I certainly wouldn't use it in the extreme situation you describe. In fact, the more I think about it, the more certain I am that I wouldn't use it directly to anyone. I would only use it in the context I set out in my previous post. M

Midland

Senior Member

Japanese and Japan Thanks you, panjandrum.

panjandrum said: I wouldn't use "holding up" much, if at all, and I certainly wouldn't use it in the extreme situation you describe. In fact, the more I think about it, the more certain I am that I wouldn't use it directly to anyone. I would only use it in the context I set out in my previous post. Click to expand...

Then, what else would you say in such a situation? And, what is it about this question that holds you back using it? Directness? And is it purely a matter of personal choice or related to the difference between British English and American English? The two movies that I saw and hear the question are both American. Thank you!

panjandrum

Senior Member

Belfast, Ireland English-Ireland (top end) In BE the standard question is very simple - How are you? The answer to that question (or lack of answer - which is quite acceptable) leads on to others. Possible variations include: How are you? How are you? How have you been? How have you been keeping? These are more genuine enquiries about you health from someone who knows you've not been well or things have been difficult for you. What's holding me back from asking how are you holding up is simply convention. It's not part of my own normal vocabulary. I don't think it's AE/BE, but it could be. M

maxiogee

Banned

English I think "holding up" in this sort of structure is being used as a kind of opposite of "He broke down following the death of his wife." The connotation is of a nervous breakdown.

lablady

Senior Member

Central California English - USA I hear and use this phrase frequently. It's used to show concern when someone is experiencing a stressful situation. A similar question could be "How are you coping?" or "Are you okay?" I usually follow any of these up with an offer of assistance. Some people may just ask it out of politeness, but I think most inquiries are genuine. Maybe it is more usual in AE M

Midland

Senior Member

Japanese and Japan Thank you, panjandrum, maxiogee and lablady. There seems to be some difference between BE and AM, but it could just be a personal preference. I can still feel the psychology behind when you use the question from your comments. Thank you all. O

orkun

Member

Turkish hello Could you explain to me what the meaning of "how are you holding up" is for example: how are you holding up to your New Years Resolutions? kind regards << Moderator: Merged with earlier thread.>> Last edited by a moderator: Jul 22, 2011 M

moo_88

Senior Member

England English - England In that sense it would just mean "are you keeping to your resolutions?/Have you stuck to your resolutions?" My first thought when I saw the phrase "how are you holding up" was that it would be said after something bad had happened and you are checking to see if somebody is OK, as in "how are you feeling".

Copyright

Member Emeritus

Penang American English It is not idiomatic to say, "How are you holding up to your New Year's resolutions." More usual would be, "Are you still sticking to your New Year's resolutions?" M

moo_88

Senior Member

England English - England I agree, "sticking to" sounds much more natural and normal to me.

JamesM

Senior Member

Los Angeles, California English, USA "How are you holding up", by itself, usually means "How are you doing in the midst of this difficult situation?" A: "I know your husband lost his job and now I hear your child is seriously ill with cancer. How are you holding up?" B: "I'm managing to get through each day, but it isn't easy." R

RafaelX

Senior Member

Poland Polish

panjandrum said: How have you been? How have you been keeping? These are more genuine enquiries about you health from someone who knows you've not been well or things have been difficult for you. Click to expand...

Is there any difference in meaning (apart from the plain tense difference) between "How have you been keeping?" and "How are you keeping?" and can "How are you keeping?" be used as an alternative to "How are you doing?" E

Elwintee

Senior Member

London England England English

JamesM said: "How are you holding up", by itself, usually means "How are you doing in the midst of this difficult situation?" A: "I know your husband lost his job and now I hear your child is seriously ill with cancer. How are you holding up?" B: "I'm managing to get through each day, but it isn't easy." Click to expand...

Going back to a previous post, I agree that 'How are you?' or 'How are you feeling?' is the best thing to say to someone who is going through a bad time. Asking how they are 'holding up' suggests that they may be failing in courage if they don't 'hold up'. Better to leave it open, and allow the person to say, if they wish, that they are desperately sad. We often want to reassure ourselves that a person is OK. Let the person be honest with you, accept the person's genuine state and show them empathy (not pity or even sympathy, which are both a bit patronising). You must log in or register to reply here. Share: Bluesky LinkedIn WhatsApp Email Share Link

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