How Do Lesbians Have Sex? Tips, Preparation, And Suggestions

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Medical News TodaySubscribeWhat to know about lesbian sex

Medically reviewed by Jennifer Litner, PhD, LMFT, CST — Written by Zawn Villines — Updated on September 25, 2023

Sex definition
Debunking myths
How to prepare
Manual stimulation
Oral sex
Penetrative sex
Safer sex tips
Summary

There are several ways people can have lesbian sex. This can involve a variety of techniques, including oral sex, anal sex, fingering, and the use of sex toys.

For many people, sex is mainly synonymous with penile-vaginal intercourse. Yet there are many ways to have sex. The logistics of lesbian sex can vary depending on several factors, which include:

a person’s gender identity
the sex assigned to a person at birth
a person’s body parts
a person’s relationship with their bodies

For example, a woman whom doctors designated male at birth may use her penis during sex or may wish to avoid all contact with her penis.

With a variety of techniques available and different understandings of what constitutes good sex, communication is crucial.

In this article, we will define what sex is, debunk myths surrounding lesbian sex, and suggest how people may prepare for lesbian sex.

Sex definition

A photo of a lesbian couple in bed, who may have previously been asked how does lesbian sex work. — Lesbian sex can be pleasurable, creative, and satisfying.

There is no consensus on the single medical definition of sex. Doctors and researchers usually assume it involves some form of genital contact. However, sex extends well beyond penile-vaginal intercourse.

Many people consider sex to be a mutually voluntary activity with other people that involves sexual contact. However, this is open to interpretation, and sex may mean different things to different people. Some people even consider kissing a form of sex.

This means there is no single definition for lesbian sex, nor any specific sex act that all lesbians enjoy. Some types of lesbian sex may include:

Oral sex: Orally stimulating a partner’s genitals.
Manual sex: Stimulating a partner’s genitals or other erogenous zones with the hand or fingers.
Mutual masturbation: Engaging in manual sex simultaneously, so that each partner stimulates the other.
Penetrative sex: Penetration with a penis, for example, when a lesbian is assigned male at birth. Or it could involve sex toys or a strap-on dildo.
Masturbation: Masturbating, sometimes while talking to or kissing a partner.
Scissoring or humping: Mutual genital contact, where each partner rubs their genitals on the other’s genitals.

Debunking myths about lesbian sex

Some myths about lesbian sex include:

Each partner plays a gender role in the relationship: For example, one partner always penetrates the other. Lesbians, like all other people, may embrace a wide range of roles. Sometimes, one partner might always be the one who penetrates the other, but often partners switch roles or have different types of sex.

All lesbians have sex by scissoring: There are many ways to have lesbian sex, and many lesbians never scissor.

Lesbian sex is safe: While pregnancy is not possible if both partners were female at birth, it can still be possible with a trans woman. Also, lesbians can and do transmit sexually transmitted infections (STIs). People should not presume to be at low or no risk based on their sexual orientation.

Lesbian sex cannot be violent, and there is no such thing as lesbian rape: Lesbians can and do rape other women, and research suggests that intimate partner violence occurs among lesbian couples.

Lesbians feel disinterested or lose interest in sex: This myth draws upon sexist stereotypes about women’s sexuality. Like everyone else, lesbians’ interest in sex varies from person to person, and across the lifespan.

Being lesbian means someone was born female, or cannot be transgender: Gender identity is not the same as sexuality or assigned sex. The gender label a person receives at birth does not matter. A person labeled male or female at birth can still identify as lesbian.

How to prepare

There is no right time to have sex, just as there is no right way for sex. Whether a person has sex for the first time, or they have had years of sex with the same partner, consent and communication are key. Some strategies that can help prepare a person for sex include:

talking with a partner about views on sex and sexuality
getting tested for STIs
communicating during sex about what feels good

Manual stimulation

During manual stimulation, one partner stimulates the other partner’s genitals, often the clitoris and vagina. Every person has different preferences and different anatomies, so it is important to talk about what feels good.

Some partners like to masturbate mutually, which means they stimulate each other simultaneously.

Oral sex

Oral sex involves the use of the mouth and tongue to stimulate a partner’s genitals. Many lesbians find stimulation on the clitoris is pleasurable.

Some people also like to include aspects of manual stimulation into oral sex. People who enjoy oral stimulation can position themselves so each partner can perform simultaneous oral sex on each other.

Penetrative sex

Many people believe penetrative sex is impossible in a lesbian relationship. This is untrue. Some lesbians might have penises if they were assigned as males at birth. Others choose other forms of penetration. People who enjoy penetrative sex may use:

one or more fingers, with techniques that may provide more intense stimulation, such as fisting
sex toys, such as dildos or vibrators
a strap-on, some of which may offer mutual penetration

Safer sex tips

The safest way to have sex as a lesbian is to use barrier methods, such as dental dams, to ensure people do not share bodily fluids. Those who want to avoid this practice can have safer sex by:

minimizing the number of partners they have
avoiding sex with men
cleaning all sex toys before and after use
seeing a doctor for any pain, itching, burning, or other signs of STIs

Summary

Lesbians can have many different types of sex. A person can explore various sexual activities in a consensual way to help them achieve sexual satisfaction.

Creativity, open communication, and a focus on safety can help partners enjoy the experience.

Sexual Health / STDs

How we reviewed this article:

SourcesMedical News Today has strict sourcing guidelines and relies on peer-reviewed studies, academic research institutions, and medical journals and associations. We only use quality, credible sources to ensure content accuracy and integrity. You can learn more about how we ensure our content is accurate and current by reading our editorial policy.

All about sex. (n.d.). https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/sex/all-about-sex
Dental dam use. (2016). https://www.cdc.gov/condomeffectiveness/Dental-dam-use.html
Gorgos, L. M., & Marrazzo, J. M. (2011). Sexually transmitted infections among women who have sex with women. https://academic.oup.com/cid/article/53/suppl_3/S84/312345
How do two women having sex protect themselves? (2012). https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/ask-experts/how-do-two-women-having-sex-protect-themselves
Myths and realities of gay men and lesbian. (2006). https://www.wcupa.edu/_services/transAndQueer/documents/gayMenLesbians.pdf
Rollè, L., et al. (2018). When intimate partner violence meets same sex couples: A review of same sex intimate partner violence. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.01506/full
Sex. (n.d.). https://www.getthefacts.health.wa.gov.au/sex
Sexual health for lesbian and bisexual women. (2019). https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/sexual-health-for-lesbian-and-bisexual-women/
Sexual orientation myth and facts. (n.d.).https://case.edu/lgbt/safe-zone/sexual-orientation-myths-facts

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Medically reviewed by Jennifer Litner, PhD, LMFT, CST — Written by Zawn Villines — Updated on September 25, 2023

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Tag » How Do Girls Have Sex

How Do Lesbians Have Sex? Tips, Preparation, And Suggestions

Sex definition

Debunking myths about lesbian sex

How to prepare

Manual stimulation

Oral sex

Penetrative sex

Safer sex tips

Summary

How we reviewed this article:

Latest news

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