How Do You Know If You Love Someone? Platonic Or Romantic

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Sexual Health

How to Tell If You Love Someone — and What to Do

Medically reviewed by Janet Brito, Ph.D., LCSW, CST-S — Written by Crystal Raypole — Updated on December 20, 2024

Signs to watch for
Which is better
What to do next
Takeaway

Attraction and affection don’t stay the same, and love can feel different for each person. That said, you’ll need to make an effort to sustain love in your relationship over time.

Part of love’s complications stem from the fact that it can be challenging when the person you love doesn’t feel the same way — or when they do, but your relationship fails to take off.

Love can also complicate life because it takes different forms, and you might not immediately recognize which type of love you’re feeling.

What does being in love mean?

Maybe you fall for someone you just met, but you eventually realize the first blush of love has tinted your view. Once the first intensity fades, your feelings wither without taking root.

You can also develop romantic love without experiencing euphoric, heart-pounding excitement. Someone who falls for their best friend, for example, might notice their long-standing platonic love become more romantic and sexually charged almost overnight.

And, of course, the love you feel for friends, or platonic love, can still run pretty deep,even though it doesn’t involve any romantic or sexual attraction.

How do you know when you’re in love?

People often talk about love as if everyone experiences it the same way, but life experiences and relationship history can alter the course of “typical” romantic attraction.

If you’ve experienced relationship abuse or betrayal, you might feel cautious about letting your guard down again. This could temper the feelings of euphoria and impulsivity that often accompany the first stages of love.

While there’s no single way to fall in love, you’ll probably notice a few key physical and emotional signs:

Your thoughts return to them regularly

Maybe you frequently think back to your last interaction or plan your next meeting. You want to tell them about your experiences every day: the great, the awful, and the ordinary.

If they’re having a hard time, you may worry about their difficulties and brainstorm ways to help.

When spending time with family and friends, you might talk about them a lot and imagine how much your loved ones will like them, too.

You feel safe with them

Trust is generally a key component of love. If you’ve experienced relationship trauma or heartbreak before, you might assign particular importance to this sense of emotional safety.

When you see them, you might notice your tension relaxes, much like it does when you return home after a long day.

It’s normal to want to protect yourself from pain. Feeling safe enough with someone to trust them with your personal weaknesses or vulnerabilities often suggests developing love.

Life feels more exciting

The rush of hormones associated with love can make everything seem more exciting, particularly when you know you’ll see them soon.

You might even notice renewed energy and interest in the mundane things you do every day.

You want to spend a lot of time together

Loving someone often means wanting to spend plenty of time with them, so you might find yourself craving their company more than ever before.

You might leave their company feeling somewhat unsatisfied as if the time you spent together wasn’t enough.

Another key sign is that your interest in spending time with them doesn’t depend on their mood or energy level. Even when they feel sad, cranky, or frustrated with life, you still want to show up and offer support.

You feel a little jealous of other people in their life

When you love someone, you might fixate on the other people they spend time with and wonder about their relationship with each other. You might also worry about potential threats to your love, such as an attractive co-worker they mention regularly or an old flame who’s still part of their life.

Generally, these worries tend to fade as trust develops.

You feel compassion for them

When you love someone, you’ll start to develop strong compassion for them. The powerful urge to be connected to this person brings new aspects to your relationship, such as emotional or physical intimacy, passion, and a desire to know everything about them, and be known by them in return.

You may also find yourself wanting to take care of or be cared for by your partner.

Romantic love vs. platonic love

Romantic and platonic love are two different things, but many people consider them equally valuable.

Humans need connections to survive, generally speaking. Some people go through life without ever experiencing romantic or sexual attraction, and that’s OK. You can absolutely get the love you need from relationships with family and friends.

Others thrive with both friends and romantic partners in their lives. Perhaps you can’t imagine life without romance and pursue relationships in the hopes of finding the right partner or partners.

Your friends, however, remain part of your life even as partners come and go (often supporting you through breakups).

Platonic love might not fulfill the same needs as romantic love for everyone, but it’s equally valuable and equally worth pursuing.
Friendship isn’t a silver medal or a consolation prize. In fact, some types of platonic love may prove more stable and secure than romantic love.

What now?

A sudden change in attraction or existing feelings for someone can pull the rug out from under you.

Not sure about the best way forward? You have a few options:

Talk about it

You can’t pursue any relationship until they know how you feel. If you’re already friends, think back to how your friendship developed. You probably bonded over shared interests, and one (or both) of you expressed the desire to spend more time together. Romantic relationships often develop similarly.

Preparing to share your feelings often involves some preparation for potential rejection. If you don’t feel comfortable telling them in person, try a letter, but avoid email or text.

Once you feel ready, ask if they can set aside some time to talk instead of suddenly dropping it into casual conversation. Choose a time when the two of you have some privacy.

Don’t forget to offer them space to sort through their own feelings, especially if you already have a platonic relationship. It may take time for them to evaluate and come to terms with their own feelings.

Consider other factors

Before you confess your love, take a careful look at the situation. You can’t help who you fall for, but you can help how you choose to handle your feelings:

Do they already have a partner? If so, you may want to hold off on sharing your love.
Are they a good friend’s ex? Proceed with caution — particularly if the breakup hurt your friend or the relationship ended badly.
Has your friendship given you insight into bad behaviors? Maybe they lie to partners, ghost dates, or see multiple partners without openly discussing non-monogamy. People can change, yes, and it’s tempting to believe your friendship and love will inspire that change. Just be sure to consider potential outcomes for your friendship if this doesn’t happen the way you envision.

Let it lie

Perhaps you’d rather cherish your friendship than take a chance on anything more. That’s entirely your choice. Remember: platonic love offers many of the same benefits as romantic love, and one isn’t necessarily better than the other.

Allow yourself the time and space to fully address your feelings and come to terms with them. Accepting them completely can make it easier to let them go. Try spending less time with that person for now, or avoid hanging out one-on-one.

If you feel lonely or in need of physical intimacy, dating others may offer a way to create new connections and ease feelings of longing.

The bottom line

Attraction and affection can change and grow over time, and people feel and show love in many ways.

Any type of emotional commitment can fulfill the human need for connection, provided you make the effort to sustain it.

How we reviewed this article:

SourcesHistoryHealthline has strict sourcing guidelines and relies on peer-reviewed studies, academic research institutions, and medical journals and associations. We only use quality, credible sources to ensure content accuracy and integrity. You can learn more about how we ensure our content is accurate and current by reading our editorial policy.

Bode A, et al. (2021). Proximate and ultimate perspectives on romantic love.https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8074860/
Sanchez M, et al. (2018). Friendship Maintenance Mediates the Relationship Between Compassion for Others and Happiness. https://par.nsf.gov/servlets/purl/10055620
‌Langeslag SJE, et al. (2016). Regulation of romantic love feelings: Preconceptions, strategies, and feasibility.https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4987042
Neto F, et al. (2017). Compassionate love for a romantic partner across the adult life span.https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5763452/
Carter CS. (2021). Oxytocin and love: Myths, metaphors and mysteries. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9216351/
Weger H, et al. (2019). Relationship maintenance across platonic and non-platonic cross-sex friendships in emerging adults.https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29436941

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Medically reviewed by Janet Brito, Ph.D., LCSW, CST-S — Written by Crystal Raypole — Updated on December 20, 2024

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