PRO Courses Hot Guides Tech Help Pro Expert Videos About wikiHow Pro Upgrade
QUIZZES All Quizzes Hot Love Quizzes Personality Quizzes Trivia Quizzes Taylor Swift Quizzes
EDIT Edit this Article
EXPLORE Tech Help ProAbout UsRandom ArticleQuizzes Request a New ArticleCommunity DashboardTrendingForums Arts and EntertainmentArtworkBooksMoviesComputers and ElectronicsComputersPhone SkillsTechnology HacksHealthMen's HealthMental HealthWomen's HealthRelationshipsDatingLoveRelationship Issues Hobbies and CraftsCraftsDrawingGamesEducation & CommunicationCommunication SkillsPersonal DevelopmentStudyingPersonal Care and StyleFashionHair CarePersonal Hygiene Quizzes Love Quizzes Personality Quizzes Fun Games ForumsArts and EntertainmentFinance and BusinessHome and Garden Relationship QuizzesCars & Other VehiclesFood and EntertainingPersonal Care and Style Sports and FitnessComputers and ElectronicsHealthPets and Animals TravelEducation & CommunicationHobbies and CraftsPhilosophy and Religion Work WorldFamily LifeHolidays and TraditionsRelationships Youth
LOG IN
Log in
Social login does not work in incognito and private browsers. Please log in with your username or email to continue. FacebookGooglewikiHow Account No account yet? Create an account
RANDOM
Home
Random
Browse Articles
TrendingNew
Quizzes & Games
All QuizzesHot
Love Quizzes
Personality Quizzes
Fun Games
Dating Simulator
Learn Something New
Forums
Courses
Happiness Hub
Explore More
Support wikiHow
About wikiHow
Log in / Sign up
Terms of Use wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. Learn why people trust wikiHow
Categories
Relationships
Managing Conflict and Difficult Interactions
How Long Does the No Contact Rule Take to Work? (Plus, Signs It’s Working) Download Article Breakup & healing coach Amy Chan explains why going no contact is helpful for healing Co-authored by Amy Chan and Eric McClure
Last Updated: November 18, 2025 Fact Checked
Download Article
No Contact Explained
|
How Long It Takes to Work
|
How Long To Do It
|
General Timelines
|
Signs It’s Working
|
Do you tell your ex?
|
When will they miss you?
|
Video
|
Expert Q&A
|Show more|Show less X
This article was co-authored by Amy Chan and by wikiHow staff writer, Eric McClure. Amy Chan is a Relationship Coach based in New York, New York. She is the Founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to healing after the end of a relationship. She has over 12 years of experience helping clients work on their relationships with strategies rooted in the psychology and science of relationships and personal development. Her team of psychologists and coaches at Renew Breakup Bootcamp has helped hundreds of individuals, and the Bootcamp has been featured on CNN, Vogue, the New York Times, and Fortune. Her book based on her work, Breakup Bootcamp, was published in 2020 and was featured by the New York Times. There are 17 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 441,361 times.
The point of the no contact rule is to give yourself time to get over the messy feelings associated with your ex. Basically, you cut them off entirely—block them on social media, block their phone number, and don’t contact them—and that alone time gives you the space to heal and move on. But how long will it be before you start feeling better? How much time needs to pass before you can feel comfortable talking to your ex? To answer these questions and more, we met with psychologists and dating coaches to get the inside scoop on how long the no contact process will take.
How Long Should No Contact Last
Breakup & healing coach Amy Chan says that you should completely cut your ex off and avoid them on all social media platforms for as long as it takes for you to begin healing. There is no fixed amount of time required for this, but most experts recommend taking anywhere from 21-90 days before trying to reconnect.
Steps
Section 1 of 7:
What is the no contact rule?
Download Article
The no contact rule is when you cut off an ex to create time to heal. Clinical psychologist Gera Anderson, PsyD explains that you go no contact by “creating physical and psychological distance from your ex” and that you “stop answering their calls and texts.”[1]X Expert Source Gera Anderson, PsyDLicensed Clinical PsychologistExpert Interview The goal here is to create a safe space where you can reconnect with yourself, heal, and get over the heartbreak of losing someone you used to care about.
It’s hard to “get back to normal” if you’re constantly interacting with the person who put you in this headspace in the first place. By spending time away from your ex, you’ll create an environment where you can heal, process your emotions, and reflect on the experience on your own. Dating coach Kate Dreyfus says that going no contact is 100% healthy, and it’s a key part of moving on.[2]X Expert Source Kate DreyfusDating CoachExpert Interview
Meet the wikiHow Experts
Amy Chan is a breakup & healing coach and the founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat that specializes in healing after the end of a relationship.
Kate Dreyfus is a dating coach and relationship expert with more than 10 years of experience helping clients find love and grow.
Gera Anderson, PsyD is a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in behavioral health and mental wellness.
Alison Wellington is a certified dating coach who has helped over 300 women find long-term love.
Maria Avgitidis is a dating coach who has over a decade of experience running a matchmaking service.
Advertisement Section 2 of 7:
How long does the no contact rule take to work?
Download Article
There is no single “correct” amount of time for the no contact rule. Chan explains that “studies show that recently broken-up singles show activity in the same part of the brain as a drug user fiending for a fix. The brain is literally in withdrawal.”[3]X Expert Source Amy ChanBreakup & Healing CoachExpert Interview So, there’s no fixed time that it will take to get over that—it’s going to be different for everyone.
How the relationship ended and who ended the relationship matters a lot. If you broke up with the other person after only dating a few weeks, you’ll probably get over it a lot faster than you would if you were dating for years and they broke up with you. Do whatever makes the most sense to you.
Section 3 of 7:
How long should you go no contact?
Download Article
You should go no contact for as long as it takes to recover. While you typically want to wait 21-90 days, it totally depends on you. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to recovering from a tough breakup. If 30 or 60 or whatever number of days pass and you don’t really feel ready to move on, then don’t. Dreyfus says that it’s okay to take more time, and it’s totally okay to not know how long that is.[4]X Expert Source Kate DreyfusDating CoachExpert Interview
One way to figure out if you’re “done” with the no contact rule is to ask yourself, “If I found out that he/she/they fell in love and started going out with someone new, would I be upset?” If the answer is that you’d feel nothing at all (or maybe even that you’d be happy for them), you’re done![5]XResearch source
Advertisement Section 4 of 7:
General No Contact Timelines
Download Article
1 Amicable or mutual breakup: 21-30 days If this was mutual or the breakup was really mature and friendly, give yourself about a month to move on. The goal here is to sort things out for yourself and take some time to heal, reflect, and move on. Roughly 4 weeks of time alone should be enough to get back into the normal rhythm of the single life. It might feel messy and strange at first, but after 21-30 days you may find yourself feeling much better.[6]XResearch source
While 21-30 days is a good rule of thumb, everybody is different. Some people move on really fast after a breakup, while other people take a longer time. If 21-30 days pass and you still aren’t ready, it’s totally okay to extend your period of no contact.
2 Long-term relationship: 60 days If the two of you were together for at least 6 months, take 2 months off if you can. The length of the relationship matters when it comes to the no contact rule. Certified dating coach Alison Wellington says, “You need a clean, cold turkey break from this person. You need to sever all ties and whatever still connects you; you need to figure out how to disconnect them. That also would include getting rid of things that they may have gifted you or things that remind you of them.”[7]X Expert Source Alison WellingtonCertified Dating CoachExpert Interview
You’re probably going through a lot if you’ve broken up with someone you were with for a while, and it’s okay if it takes a little longer than 60 days to process that. Give yourself plenty of grace and time.[8]XResearch source
3 Ugly breakup: at least 90 days Some relationships end with a bit of chaos. Give yourself roughly 3 months to recover before reaching out if things got messy. If the relationship ended in a shouting match or the two of you were throwing insults back and forth, it can take extra time to let the anger and frustration go—and that’s totally okay! Once the anger subsides, you’ll have plenty of time to sort out your other feelings.[9]XResearch source
If they reach out first to repair things and you want that as well but it hasn’t been at least 90 days, go ahead and tell them. Say something like, “Hey, I do want to reconnect and repair things, but I also kind of need time to cool off. Please give me a few weeks to figure out how I feel before we reconnect.”
4 Toxic or abusive situation: indefinitely Relationship coach Cristina Morara says, "Stop all contact immediately. Do not talk on the phone, text, email, or engage on social media. It may also be best to stop seeing your mutual friends for a while in case new information about you gets back to them and provokes more [toxic] behavior."[10]X Expert Source Cristina MoraraRelationship CoachExpert Interview So, if they were abusive or things were always bad, cut them off forever. At least take a few months to get some perspective and figure out just how rewarding life can be without your awful ex. You deserve better, so don’t look back until you’re absolutely clear that’s what you want.[11]XResearch source
If you were with an abusive person or they had a tendency to gaslight you into thinking things are your fault, it can cross some wires in your head. Show yourself some love and take as much time as you need to recover.[12]XResearch source
Something should change dramatically before you reconnect. With a toxic ex, your best option is to move on in life. But if you really do want to reach out in the future (like…far future), look to see if something has dramatically changed before going through with it.[13]XResearch source
Advertisement Section 5 of 7:
How do you know if no contact is working?
Download Article
It’s working if you’re less interested in your ex with each passing week. At first, no contact is probably going to be tough. You’ll want to reach out and fill that void left by your ex. If you don’t contact them and you get past that urge, it will be easier tomorrow. If it is easier, your no contact rule is working! Each week, you should find yourself thinking less and less about your ex. Eventually, you’ll get past the pain and come out stronger on the other side.[14]XResearch source
If you find yourself thinking more and more about your ex over the next few weeks or months, consider seeing a therapist. They can really help you work through what you’re feeling.
In the meantime, do things you enjoy. Find a healthy and fun way to distract yourself. Go hang out with friends, pursue your passions, and engage with your hobbies. Give yourself a day or two to mourn the loss and then try to return to a normal routine.[15]X Trustworthy Source HelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
Section 6 of 7:
Can I tell my ex that I’m going no contact?
Download Article
Yes, but only if things ended amicably. If the breakup really was smooth and you know you might want to reconnect with your ex as friends in the future, feel free to tell them what you’re doing. You can just shoot them a text and explain why you’re going to go MIA for a while—it shouldn’t be a big deal.[16]XResearch source
You could say, “Hey, just a heads up, I’m going to block you on social media for a while and I won’t answer the phone. You didn’t do anything wrong or anything, but I just need some space to focus on me if that’s okay.”
Advertisement Section 7 of 7:
How long after no contact do they miss you?
Download Article
They probably miss you right away, but that’s not the point. Dating coach Maria Avgitidis says, "They probably still do care for you. You may have been a significant chapter in their book of life, but they are not compatible with you, which is why you broke up. Don't confuse caring as desire."[17]X Expert Source Maria AvgitidisDating CoachExpert Interview Remember, going no contact is for your benefit. It’s not some trick designed to get your ex to miss you more.
If you do want to get your ex back, try reaching out after a week or two. Send them a text or call them to see how they’re doing, but don’t push anything if they don’t reciprocate.[18]XResearch source
Reader Poll: We asked 2658 wikiHow readers which sign would make them feel most hopeful about potentially reuniting with their ex, and 51% of them said reaching out and initiating contact after a period of no communication. [Take Poll]
Join the Discussion...
How long will it take to get over my breakup? WikiGladeWhisperer804 My girlfriend and I broke up 2 months ago, and it still feels like it just happened yesterday. I can't believe she's gone. I don't know what to do anymore. Anyone who has gone through a breakup like this, how long did it take you to get over it? What did you do to move on? Any advice is appreciated. Thank you. Read More Amy Chan Relationship Coach Research shows that the feelings of pain of a romantic rejection usually fade over about six months to two years. It makes sense: studies show that recently broken-up singles show activity in the same part of the brain as a drug user fiending for a fix. The brain is literally in withdrawal. And people with an anxious attachment style often take breakups harder than those with a secure or avoidant attachment style. To move on from a breakup means to process the emotions of the relationship in a healthy way. Processing is very different from suppressing, distracting, or avoiding your emotions. Processing means allowing yourself to feel your emotions, allowing time for healing, and then reflecting on the lessons you can learn to grow from the experience. Know the difference between processing and wallowing. The former means you feel the emotions and use self-care, self-compassion, and support to return to equilibrium. It means knowing you have agency over your destiny and that even though it's painful and uncomfortable, you will get back up. Wallowing is when you see the situation through the lens of a victim and that you are helpless in your circumstance. When you are stuck in victimization, you are not processing, you're prolonging your suffering.You'll know that you've 'moved on' when you no longer feel an emotional charge towards your ex or the breakup, and when you've accepted reality as is. Read More Anonymous WikiBird Break ups suck. I also broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago and I was in a lot of pain. At first, I let myself wallow when I missed him because I wanted myself to feel and process the emotions. I think it was helpful to let that all out. Now when I miss him, I remind myself why the two of us didn't work out and reassure myself that letting go of him was the only way I could open myself up to having a relationship where all my needs are met. I know it hurts now but I trust that one day I will get to experience that fulfilling love. Read More See all 7 Replies and Read Discussion
Expert Q&A
Search Add New Question
Question How do you know if the no contact rule is actually working? Kate Dreyfus Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University. Kate Dreyfus Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer Expert Answer If you feel your own sense of wellbeing improving and you're starting to feel a sense of closure, it's working. If you aren't feeling that right now, it's okay. Just give it time. Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.Thank you for your feedback. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow Yes No Not Helpful 14 Helpful 33
Question What if I feel like I just can't do no contact? Kate Dreyfus Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University. Kate Dreyfus Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer Expert Answer No contact is ideal, but if you just aren't in an environment where you can do that, at least go for limited contact. The more space you have, the better. But if you just can't help but interact with them because you go to school together or you work at the same place, just minimize the amount of time you spend talking to them. Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.Thank you for your feedback. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow Yes No Not Helpful 9 Helpful 34
Question Does no contact work every time? Kate Dreyfus Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University. Kate Dreyfus Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer Expert Answer I don't know if it's possible to say something is always going to work when it comes to a process as like recovering from heartbreak, but no contact is certainly one of the more reliable options here. Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.Thank you for your feedback. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow Yes No Not Helpful 22 Helpful 30
See more answers Ask a Question 200 characters left Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Submit Advertisement
Video
Tips
Submit a Tip All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published Name Please provide your name and last initial Submit Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
You Might Also Like
The No Contact Rule: Everything You Need to KnowExpert Advice on Using No Contact to Reconnect with Your ExHow to Go No-Contact & Resist the Urge to Reach Out to Your ExHow to Break the No Contact Rule: The Ultimate GuideThe Power of Silence After a Breakup: Why It Matters & 10 Ways to Use It11+ Signs the No-Contact Rule Is Working After Your BreakupHow toMake Your Partner Come Back to YouHow Long Should I Wait to Text My Ex-Girlfriend?How to Reunite After a Breakup: 8 Crucial Steps in the JourneyHow toMake Your Ex Miss YouHow to Move on from Someone & Heal After a BreakupHow toGet Your Boyfriend Back When He Broke Up with YouHow to Get Over a Narcissistic RelationshipHow toMake Your Ex Girlfriend Want You Again Advertisement
References
↑ Gera Anderson, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview
Co-authored by: Amy Chan Breakup & Healing Coach This article was co-authored by Amy Chan and by wikiHow staff writer, Eric McClure. Amy Chan is a Relationship Coach based in New York, New York. She is the Founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to healing after the end of a relationship. She has over 12 years of experience helping clients work on their relationships with strategies rooted in the psychology and science of relationships and personal development. Her team of psychologists and coaches at Renew Breakup Bootcamp has helped hundreds of individuals, and the Bootcamp has been featured on CNN, Vogue, the New York Times, and Fortune. Her book based on her work, Breakup Bootcamp, was published in 2020 and was featured by the New York Times. This article has been viewed 441,361 times. How helpful is this? Co-authors: 10Updated: November 18, 2025 Views: 441,361 Categories: Featured Articles | Managing Conflict and Difficult Interactions In other languages Indonesian Portuguese Vietnamese Dutch Spanish German French Turkish Thai Hindi Italian Chinese Czech Japanese
Print
Send fan mail to authors
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 441,361 times.
Reader Success Stories
Anonymous
Mar 7, 2024
"I think taking all your time after break-up is necessary as stated in this article. We all need healing before we start again."..." more
Share your story
Did this article help you?
Yes No Advertisement Cookies make wikiHow better. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our cookie policy. Co-authored by: Amy Chan Breakup & Healing Coach Click a star to vote Co-authors: 10Updated: November 18, 2025 Views: 441,361
Anonymous
Mar 7, 2024
"I think taking all your time after break-up is necessary as stated in this article. We all need healing before we start again."..." more Share yours!
Quizzes & Games
Should I Text Him or Not QuizTake QuizShould You Get Back With Your Ex?AnalyzeAm I Ready For A Relationship QuizTake QuizWhy Am I Single QuizTake QuizWill I Ever Find Love QuizTake QuizShould We Break Up QuizTake Quiz
You Might Also Like
The No Contact Rule: Everything You Need to KnowExpert Advice on Using No Contact to Reconnect with Your ExHow to Go No-Contact & Resist the Urge to Reach Out to Your ExHow to Break the No Contact Rule: The Ultimate Guide
Featured Articles
What Are the Korean Animal Face Types? (And Which Type Do You Have?)Being the Little Spoon While Cuddling: Is It Better Than the Big Spoon?115+ Funny “Get Well Soon” Messages to Make Someone Laugh110+ “Fun Facts” for Interviews, Introductions, & IcebreakersHow Long Would You Survive In A Zombie Apocalypse?How to Roast Someone in a Rap Battle (Plus the Best Bars of All Time)
Trending Articles
What Song Was #1 On My Birthday?How Many People Had a Crush on Me This Year? Find Out HereBest Personality TestDo I Have Common Sense QuizDaily Horoscope (All Signs): What Do The Stars Predict Today?✩⟡˚₊‧Compatibility Test
Featured Articles
What Turns a Girl On? 31 Things to Try on Your PartnerLove AnalyzerSending Your Sweetie a Love Note? Here are 200+ Romantic IdeasHow toExercise Your BrainHow toBe a Fun Person to Hang out WithWhat Does Your Morning Routine Say About You?
Featured Articles
How toDevelop Productive HabitsHow toPractice Self CareWhat Song Matches Your Life Right Now?Your 2026 Vision: What Does Next Year Hold?Understanding the Most Attractive Face Shapes (& Determining Your Own)Type A B C D Personality Test
Watch Articles
How to Deep Clean Your Kitchen Sink (& Keep It Clean)How to Curl Your Hair: 8 Easy & Quick WaysHow toThicken Sauce with FlourHow to Brighten Up White Shirts and Other GarmentsHow to Cook White Rice without a Rice CookerHow to Clean Out the Inside of a Glass Bottle (With or Without a Brush)
Trending Articles
10 Ways to Get Rid of a Hickey FastWhat Am I Craving Quiz150 Unique & Sentimental Ways to Say “Happy New Year”30+ New Year’s Eve Games to Keep Your NYE Party GoingWhich Hogwarts House Do You Truly Belong In?Toxic Family Test
Quizzes & Games
Am I Toxic QuizTake QuizAm I Good Enough for Him QuizTake QuizIs My Relationship Toxic QuizTake QuizAm I Falling Out of Love QuizTake QuizAm I Clingy QuizTake QuizWhen Will I Get a Boyfriend QuizTake Quiz
Categories
Relationships
Managing Conflict and Difficult Interactions
wikiHow Newsletter You're all set! Helpful how-tos delivered toyour inbox every week! Sign me up! By signing up you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy.
Download Article Breakup & healing coach Amy Chan explains why going no contact is helpful for healing Co-authored by Amy Chan and Eric McClure 
WikiGladeWhisperer804 My girlfriend and I broke up 2 months ago, and it still feels like it just happened yesterday. I can't believe she's gone. I don't know what to do anymore. Anyone who has gone through a breakup like this, how long did it take you to get over it? What did you do to move on? Any advice is appreciated. Thank you. Read More 
Amy Chan Relationship Coach Research shows that the feelings of pain of a romantic rejection usually fade over about six months to two years. It makes sense: studies show that recently broken-up singles show activity in the same part of the brain as a drug user fiending for a fix. The brain is literally in withdrawal. And people with an anxious attachment style often take breakups harder than those with a secure or avoidant attachment style. To move on from a breakup means to process the emotions of the relationship in a healthy way. Processing is very different from suppressing, distracting, or avoiding your emotions. Processing means allowing yourself to feel your emotions, allowing time for healing, and then reflecting on the lessons you can learn to grow from the experience. Know the difference between processing and wallowing. The former means you feel the emotions and use self-care, self-compassion, and support to return to equilibrium. It means knowing you have agency over your destiny and that even though it's painful and uncomfortable, you will get back up. Wallowing is when you see the situation through the lens of a victim and that you are helpless in your circumstance. When you are stuck in victimization, you are not processing, you're prolonging your suffering.You'll know that you've 'moved on' when you no longer feel an emotional charge towards your ex or the breakup, and when you've accepted reality as is. Read More 
Anonymous WikiBird Break ups suck. I also broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago and I was in a lot of pain. At first, I let myself wallow when I missed him because I wanted myself to feel and process the emotions. I think it was helpful to let that all out. Now when I miss him, I remind myself why the two of us didn't work out and reassure myself that letting go of him was the only way I could open myself up to having a relationship where all my needs are met. I know it hurts now but I trust that one day I will get to experience that fulfilling love. Read More See all 7 Replies and Read Discussion 
Advertisement 
Take Quiz
Analyze
Take Quiz
Take Quiz
Take Quiz
Take Quiz 
Take Quiz
Take Quiz
Take Quiz
Take Quiz
Take Quiz
Take Quiz 
746 
The no contact rule is when you cut off an ex to create time to heal. Clinical psychologist Gera Anderson, PsyD explains that you go no contact by “creating physical and psychological distance from your ex” and that you “stop answering their calls and texts.”[1] The goal here is to create a safe space where you can reconnect with yourself, heal, and get over the heartbreak of losing someone you used to care about. 
There is no single “correct” amount of time for the no contact rule. Chan explains that “studies show that recently broken-up singles show activity in the same part of the brain as a drug user fiending for a fix. The brain is literally in withdrawal.”[3] So, there’s no fixed time that it will take to get over that—it’s going to be different for everyone. 
You should go no contact for as long as it takes to recover. While you typically want to wait 21-90 days, it totally depends on you. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to recovering from a tough breakup. If 30 or 60 or whatever number of days pass and you don’t really feel ready to move on, then don’t. Dreyfus says that it’s okay to take more time, and it’s totally okay to not know how long that is.[4] 
1 Amicable or mutual breakup: 21-30 days If this was mutual or the breakup was really mature and friendly, give yourself about a month to move on. The goal here is to sort things out for yourself and take some time to heal, reflect, and move on. Roughly 4 weeks of time alone should be enough to get back into the normal rhythm of the single life. It might feel messy and strange at first, but after 21-30 days you may find yourself feeling much better.[6] 
2 Long-term relationship: 60 days If the two of you were together for at least 6 months, take 2 months off if you can. The length of the relationship matters when it comes to the no contact rule. Certified dating coach Alison Wellington says, “You need a clean, cold turkey break from this person. You need to sever all ties and whatever still connects you; you need to figure out how to disconnect them. That also would include getting rid of things that they may have gifted you or things that remind you of them.”[7] 
3 Ugly breakup: at least 90 days Some relationships end with a bit of chaos. Give yourself roughly 3 months to recover before reaching out if things got messy. If the relationship ended in a shouting match or the two of you were throwing insults back and forth, it can take extra time to let the anger and frustration go—and that’s totally okay! Once the anger subsides, you’ll have plenty of time to sort out your other feelings.[9] 
4 Toxic or abusive situation: indefinitely Relationship coach Cristina Morara says, "Stop all contact immediately. Do not talk on the phone, text, email, or engage on social media. It may also be best to stop seeing your mutual friends for a while in case new information about you gets back to them and provokes more [toxic] behavior."[10] So, if they were abusive or things were always bad, cut them off forever. At least take a few months to get some perspective and figure out just how rewarding life can be without your awful ex. You deserve better, so don’t look back until you’re absolutely clear that’s what you want.[11] 
It’s working if you’re less interested in your ex with each passing week. At first, no contact is probably going to be tough. You’ll want to reach out and fill that void left by your ex. If you don’t contact them and you get past that urge, it will be easier tomorrow. If it is easier, your no contact rule is working! Each week, you should find yourself thinking less and less about your ex. Eventually, you’ll get past the pain and come out stronger on the other side.[14] 
Yes, but only if things ended amicably. If the breakup really was smooth and you know you might want to reconnect with your ex as friends in the future, feel free to tell them what you’re doing. You can just shoot them a text and explain why you’re going to go MIA for a while—it shouldn’t be a big deal.[16] 
They probably miss you right away, but that’s not the point. Dating coach Maria Avgitidis says, "They probably still do care for you. You may have been a significant chapter in their book of life, but they are not compatible with you, which is why you broke up. Don't confuse caring as desire."[17] Remember, going no contact is for your benefit. It’s not some trick designed to get your ex to miss you more. 
Kate Dreyfus Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University. 
Advertisement Cookies make wikiHow better. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our cookie policy.