How Many Calories Are In Semen? Answered - Total Sorority Move

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Semen — it’s what’s for breakfast.

Ladies, the results are in. The question we’ve all been asking has finally been answered. Based on a publication in the Journal of Andrology, we have before us the official breakdown of the nutritional information in ejaculatory fluid.

Serving size: “1 Load.”

Nutrition Facts

I’m sure you’ve googled “How many calories in semen?” before. Sometimes, it’s the only thing you’ve eaten in a day! You’ve gotten varied results, ranging from 5-25 calories per “serving.” Lucky for us, that’s not true! Each ejaculation, based on the “‘4-4-9’ formula of macronutrients (in which there’s 4 calories per gram of protein, 4 calories per gram of carbs, and 9 calories per gram of fat),” has under one calorie (.7)! Che bene!

You’ve also probably heard things like “it has as much protein as an egg white” or “as much Vitamin C as an orange.” Neither of those things are true, of course. A single load is only about 3.4 mL of fluid, so you’d have to give more blow jobs than a 10th grader to actually get any nutrition from it. A single shot does, however, have 3% of your suggested daily Zinc intake, which supposedly decelerates the aging process.

Either way, you no longer have to feel guilty about the occasional blowie and how it will affect your waistline. If only this absolved the guilt that comes from the fact that you did it at all.

[via Jezebel]

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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at [email protected]