How Narcissists Fake Being Normal - Narcissisms.Com

Narcissists are masters of disguise. But despite their disordered personalities, many lead fairly regular lives. And lots go undiagnosed.

From a young age, narcissists create fake personas to detach from their emotions. They keep their real emotions locked away, safe from harm. But this comes at a price. Their emotional development.

Narcissists empathy becomes impaired. So they don’t “feel” others pain.

Narcissists don’t learn to intuitively understand emotional situations involving others. Because they’re not connected to their own. In order to fit in, they fake neuro-typical emotions and behaviours.

Narcissists spend a lifetime mimicking emotions and feelings. They become so skilled, they fool close ones for years.

Most let their masks slip from time to time. Especially with those closest to them. And reveal their volatile, emotionally underdeveloped selves.

Narcissists fake normal emotions when their mask is on. And they fake reasons to justify their behaviours when their mask slips.

Here’s some ways I’ve noticed narcissists fake being “normal” when their mask is on, and when it slips…

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Narcissists Are Master Actors

Narcissists are master actors. They spend years developing their false self from a young age. Their false self is all the things they want to be. Brilliant, intelligent, assertive, funny, successful etc. An unrealistic picture of perfection.

They work hard to create this persona to convince themselves and others this is who they are. So acting becomes second nature.

Narcissists learn to fake emotions at the drop of a hat. Cry on demand. Laugh when they don’t get the joke. And act warm and kind to get what they want.

Narcissists don’t FEEL these emotions. But through Oscar winning performances, it appears they do. They’re actors, and the whole world is their stage.

Narcissists Fake Empathy

Narcissists have little emotional empathy. But with their acting skills, they fake them well.

Narcissists learn “cognitive empathy”. This is how they SHOULD feel in certain circumstances.

They learn they should feel sad at funerals, so they fake tears. They learn you’re happy when you land a new job, so they mirror your happiness back to you. They learn to cry with joy at the birth of a new child. Narcissists learn all this and more. But feel nothing.

And because their “emotions” are learnt, they make mistakes. Especially in unfamiliar circumstances where they haven’t yet learned how to act.

A narcissist might laugh when you fail your driving test. Oblivious this upsets you. Or anger when you’re mourning the anniversary of a death. “You need to get over it.”

Sometimes they don’t fake their emotions long enough. And this is a dead giveaway. They might act sad when hearing your terrible news, then laugh and joke moments later.

Mirror

Narcissists often mirror other peoples behaviours, words, and mannerisms to appear more normal. Especially those of high status.

Narcissists copy opinions word for word. And pass them off as their own. They may copy the clothes people wear. Their hairstyles. Their demeanour.

Narcissists pretend to share your interests. Especially at the beginning of a friendship or relationship. This is to draw you in. To get you to like them, admire, and fall for them.

Narcissists are a shell of a person. They plagiarise their “personalities” from others. And become a convincing walking-talking forgery.

Virtue Signal

Narcissists find many ways to virtue signal. So they can show how “caring” they are.

They may work in a caring profession. Such as medicine or teaching. Or volunteer for charities.

They may share content on social media that’s associated with helping others. Even though they don’t care to read it.

This creates the impression that they’re good people. Even though anything “good” they do, has an ulterior motive.

Happy Families

Some narcissists work hard to create the public perception they have a normally functioning happy family. Even though it’s anything but.

Narcissists care more about their family life appearing good to others, than on it actually being that way. Because it allows them to hide behind family life. Which is associated with normally functioning people.

Disguise Their True Intentions

As narcissists become more experienced, they’re more sophisticated when disguising their narcissistic behaviours.

Instead of having a go at someone for childish reasons, they fake a more normal motive. They might wait for them to do something “wrong”, then pounce on it as an excuse to go to war. Or invent a reason that justifies their behaviour.

Narcissists often have a “cause” they’re fighting for. In the workplace it might be against a boss who’s made an unfair decision. But their real motive is they want their job.

Drink Or Take Drugs

Many narcissists turn to drink and drugs. As well as making them feel awesome, drink and drugs serve another purpose. It disguises their behaviour.

Narcissists have more license to behave narcissistically when under the influence. People assume it’s the “drink talking”. Or the drugs. So it appears more normal.

When under the influence, they allow their mask to slip. Either intentionally or non intentionally. And act obnoxious and uncaring. People assume they’re a “bad drunk”, and don’t judge them too harshly.

And if they’re surrounded by others also under the influence, they might not even notice!

Provide A False Narrative

Narcissists provide a false narrative of what’s going on. And convince others their behaviour is normal.

Say their mask slipped and they’re stroppy with a waiter for no reason. They may lie, saying he provoked them in some way. “Did you see how he looked at me?” Or state they felt unwell.

With a plausible explanation, you’re no longer scratching your head wondering why they behaved so unreasonably. This throws you off the scent.

Narcissists Re Write History

Narcissists often rewrite history. And make themselves out to have acted more normally in the past.

I remember soon after moving in with my ex, she would have a go at me for not doing housework, even though I clearly did more than her. Years later she spoke about how patient she was with me because she understood I wasn’t used to living away from my parents. That’s not what I remembered!

Call YOU Crazy

Narcissists often call their nearest and dearest “crazy”. Say what a bad memory you have. Or accuse you of being jealous.

This gets you doubting your take on reality. And once you doubt your take on reality, their narcissistic behaviours fly under the radar.

Your gut might tell you something’s wrong with their behaviour. But you conclude, “It’s probably me being jealous again.” Or whatever line they feed you. And they get away scot-free.

Narcissists Fake Acts Of Kindness

When narcissists fear people are on to them, they pull a random act of kindness out the bag. They might buy an expensive gift. Clean the house. Or be nice to someone they’re normally hostile with.

These acts aren’t from their heart. They’re a means to an end.

They want as many people as possible to see what a great person they are. And receive a free pass for all their previous wrongs.

Narcissists don’t want to be alone. And they understand they have to do something nice every now and then to keep people around them.

When a narcissist does something kind or giving, it’s always in full view of as many people as possible. They want maximum credit for anything nice they do.

Final Thoughts

Narcissists are damaged and dysfunctional people. They lock away their emotions for protection. And learn to fake them instead. And whilst they do a great job, it’s difficult to get right all the time.

It’s draining keeping up the charade. So their mask inevitably slips. Especially around those they’re close to.

When their mask slips, their underdeveloped emotional selves bubble to the surface. And craziness ensues.

That’s why narcissists are sometimes “uncharacteristically” cold and selfish. They either don’t understand what’s happening on an emotional level. Or their mask has slipped.

You can be fooled into thinking their narcissistic behaviours are out of character. But really it’s who they are.

Their personalities are disordered. They can fake “normality” some of the time. But they make mistakes. And every now and then their mask slips, and their real selves take centre stage.

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How Narcissists Hide Amongst Us