How To Be Your Authentic Self: 7 Powerful Strategies - SoulSalt

Your authentic self is who you really are deep down. The part of you that doesn’t care what others think. Learning how to be your authentic self is an essential part of building meaningful relationships. Authenticity happens when your words, actions, and behaviors consistently match your core identity.

But many people struggle with expressing themselves openly, figuring out who they are, and knowing what they want out of life.

These are big questions, but they don’t have to be overwhelming. There are concrete, actionable ways to start finding and more fully expressing your authentic self.

If you are ready to learn how to be your authentic self, I want to show you seven ways to start — and the truly astonishing benefits you can realize when you embrace authenticity.

You cannot be authentic if you don’t believe in yourself and your ability to shape your life the way you want it. Start your journey today with our mini-course Believing in Yourself.

What does it mean to be authentic?

In order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.

Brené Brown

Authenticity means having a keen awareness of who you are and what you stand for, and expressing yourself honestly and consistently to the world.

Authenticity Means:

• Speaking your opinions honestly in a healthy way
• Making decisions that align with your values and beliefs
• Pursuing your passions
• Listening to the inner voice guiding you forward
• Allowing yourself to be vulnerable and open-hearted
• Setting boundaries and walking away from toxic situations

On a deeper level, authenticity illuminates the path forward to live the life you want. When you get clear on what matters to you, you begin to understand how to make decisions that align with your identity and core values. You begin to build a life that brings you meaning and joy. In doing so, you inspire those around you to do the same.

In her TedTalk, psychologist Brené Brown explains how authenticity is an essential part of developing meaningful relationships. When people show up, with their vulnerabilities, it allows them to truly connect with and feel close to others.

Paradoxically, fear of rejection often prevents people from expressing their authentic selves. They put up a “mask” and change their behavior in order to fit in or act in a way that others think they should.

When you betray yourself to fit in, you wind up feeling isolated and alone. Feelings of guilt, shame, and low self-esteem are the result when you are not true to yourself.

That’s when you need to look inwards and ask yourself, “What does it mean for me to be authentic?”

Finding your authentic self: 7 Strategies

The path to create the life you want starts with knowing who you are. If you follow these tips to find your authentic self, you’ll begin to light the way forward.

1. Take personal inventory

When do you feel the most authentic?

Asking yourself some direct questions can help you discover who you are when you are not putting on a mask or betraying your core values. When you get clear on those values, you will find it easier to make decisions in line with your authentic self.

1. Which type of people, activities, or situations make you feel the most alive?
2. Are there people or parts of your life that make you feel unhappy, angry, or toxic?

Then take it a step further. In situations that feel wrong to you, what’s really going on? Write down:

• Who you’re with
• What emotions come up
• What these experiences cost you emotionally or physically

In situations where you feel authentic, what’s going on? Write down:

• Who you’re with
• What activities are involved
• Positive emotions or outcomes of these experiences

From this activity alone, you may already get a sense of what needs to change.

Piece it Together

You need to prioritize those people and activities that bring you joy and meaning. Alternately, you may need to walk away from those unhealthy relationships and toxic situations if you want to live a more authentic life.

2. Be present

The ability to be present with yourself, no matter what is going on around you, is essential to authenticity. If you are always distracted by your mental chatter or reacting to external situations, you’re not aware of your own state of being.

Focus Inward

When you find yourself wondering how you appear, whether you meet approval, or what you should do next, focus inward. Reflect on your values.

Practice taking a pause to breathe and check in with yourself regularly throughout the day. This will strengthen your mindfulness and help you notice when you are being inauthentic.

With awareness, you will find opportunities to express yourself more fully and take actions that feel more in line with the real you.

3. Build your social support system

We need to find the courage to say NO to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity.

Barbara de Angelis

Authentic Social Circle

If you want to live an authentic life, you’ll need to surround yourself with authentic people.

That means intentionally giving your time and attention to people who not only are true to themselves, but also support you in your journey.

Take inventory of your social circle from time to time and surround yourself with supportive people who lift you up. They can encourage you to shine as your true self.

How to create a social support system:

• Find communities, groups, or people in your life who share your core values. Spend time with them and stand by them.
• Surround yourself with people who encourage your big dreams, rather than shoot them down
• Walk away from the naysayers
• Connect with a coach or mentor, who can help navigate your path to self-discovery
• Check in with your relationships from time to time

4. Speak your truth—assertively

Improving how you communicate can have a big impact on living your authentic life.

What we want to say often gets lost in how we say it. According to Judith E. Glaser’s research on Conversational Intelligence®, 9 out of 10 conversations miss the mark. The other person fails to understand our intentions, resulting in miscommunication, conflicts, and confusion.

Some people tend to be passive communicators and hold back sharing opinions. Others aggressively dominate conversations and fail to listen. With passive-aggressive communicators, sarcasm and dishonesty block the way to an authentic exchange.

Assertive Communication Means

• Expressing your needs honestly with confidence
• Listening to other people when they speak
• Keeping eye contact during a conversation
• Being able to say no

Practicing an assertive communication style ensures open, honest dialogue while still considering the needs of others. This encourages balanced conversations in which both people have a chance to speak.

Set boundaries that prevent unhealthy communication and help you remain authentic.

5. Take daily action towards authenticity

Authenticity can feel like a big, abstract concept. But when you really look at it, it comes down to your day to day actions. Because it’s those seemingly small moments, the things you say, your decisions, your actions, that add up to who you are.

Actualizing an authentic life starts with intentional daily planning.

Daily Planning

If your time is dominated by other people’s priorities, of course you will feel you are not living your truth. Set aside time to decide your priorities for the day ahead: tasks for work, exercise, getting enough sleep.

Include time each day to take a small step forward on your personal goals. This could be as simple as spending a few minutes researching a career change or practicing an art or sport that brings you joy.

Commit to those small tasks. You’ll be surprised how simple it becomes to see those small changes add up.

6. Take a step back to gain perspective

When you find yourself in a rut, it makes sense to apply all your brainpower to come up with a solution. But sometimes that approach can get you nowhere, and just lead to a cycle of overthinking.

Step Back and Reflect

When you hyperfocus on a problem, you can lose sight of who you are. Sometimes you need to take a step back to see the bigger picture, removing yourself from a situation altogether.

You might need to take some time off, a day or a week, to do something fun. Taking a break helps to listen to your heart and your gut, and the answers will flow naturally. If they don’t, you can perform a life audit to investigate further into your troubles.

7. Recognize internal versus external influences

When you want to know how to be your authentic self, it helps to differentiate your internal motivations and external influences.

Internal Motivators

Internal motivators are those drives and desires that come from deep within. I’m talking about heart dreams that push you to become a better person and pursue your goals.

External Motivators

External motivators refer to decisions you make based on external factors, like money, status, recognition, or expectations from other people.

When you take the time to distinguish between internal and external motivators, you can make decisions with more clarity. Ask yourself:

• Do I feel pressured by other people into taking this step? If so, by whom?
• What do I want to accomplish with this goal?
• Am I willing to fight through difficult obstacles to make this happen?
• Is this truly what I want? Listen to your gut. When you tap into your intuition, you may already know the answer deep down.

Living your authentic life

When you’re authentic, you end up following your heart, and you put yourself in places and situations and in conversations that you love and that you enjoy. You meet people that you like talking to. You go places you’ve dreamt about. And you end up following your heart and feeling very fulfilled.

Neil Pasricha, Author of You Are Awesome

Will living your authentic life make you happier?

• A 2008 study published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology found that people who are more authentic feel happier and have higher self-esteem.
• A 1997 study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology discovered that showing up authentically brings greater satisfaction and lower stress levels in a particular role, as a friend, employee, or student.
• 2006 research from the Journal of Counseling Psychology shows that authenticity increases satisfaction in romantic relationships.

When you discover how to be your authentic self, you live in the flow. Creativity and abundance come to you effortlessly. Consistently living up to your core values leads to self-confidence. You trust yourself, and know that you can overcome obstacles when pursuing your goals.

When you learn how to be real, you also create genuine relationships. You express yourself honestly, and therefore, attract like-minded people who support you, for who you really are.

People are often inauthentic because they believe it’s what others want to see. They change their behavior to match a particular situation. Psychologists call this self-monitoring.

• High self-monitors tend to act differently depending on the situation.
• Low self monitors behave similarly across different social environments.

There are pros and cons to both. People who self-monitor too much can be viewed as fake or inconsistent. But those who don’t self-monitor can seem inflexible or inappropriate.

Balance

Find a balance between staying true to yourself and behaving in a way that respects the social situation in a given context.

Authenticity examples

Living your authentic life can feel easier in one situation versus another. So you’ll want to stay aware of how to be real, whether interacting with your boss or communicating with your partner.

Here are a few examples of putting authenticity into practice in your everyday life.

How to be your authentic self in any relationship

Authentic connection requires balancing your own needs with caring for your partner. Practice healthy assertive communication, expressing your opinions and feelings, even when it feels vulnerable. At the same time, actively listen to what your partner needs, taking a pause to respond rather than react emotionally.

How to be your authentic self at work

Professionalism doesn’t have to compromise authenticity. When you “play the game” to get ahead, you can alienate yourself and create an atmosphere of competitiveness, rather than collaboration. A healthy work environment encourages open dialogue and the exchange of ideas, while respecting diversity.

How to be your authentic self in a speech

It can feel challenging to open up to a large audience, whether at a party, delivering a work presentation, or presenting a TedTalk. If you don’t want to seem stiff or rehearsed, make sure to prepare and know your topic inside and out. Using stories or anecdotes from your own life will help you open up to your audience. Plus, it’s easier to remember, and you won’t sound like someone reading a PowerPoint.

Ready to get real?

Remember, who you are at your core, the person that dances behind closed doors, that’s what the world wants.

It can take courage to learn how to be real. But when you do, you set yourself free and begin to build a life that brings you joy and meaning. It might not happen overnight, but you can get there.

And when you’re ready, we can help! Check out our complete resource on finding and living true to your authentic self, Take Control.