How To Break Up With Your Therapist (and Learn Something From It)

Finding a therapist that’s the right fit for you can be a challenge, and you may go through a few before you find the perfect match. This means you might have to break up with a couple of therapists along the way, and that can be a hard truth to face.

Once, I had to break up with a therapist because I no longer felt a connection with her, or like she was really listening to me. I kept delaying cutting ties. My anxious inhibition was likely linked to the fact that a therapist, though providing a clinical service, isn’t like a dentist or a PCP. A therapist is someone who you may feel knows you better than you know yourself.

“It feels tricky to break up with a therapist because the basis of the working relationship is an intimate bond,” says Sarah Epstein, a marriage and family therapist. “Your therapist knows the parts of you that you keep hidden from the people in your life. They know your struggles, your triumphs, your insecurities and your journey." A therapist is also somebody you typically see far more frequently than a PCP.

“Many therapy clients work with a therapist weekly or bi-weekly, which means the therapist becomes a routine part of a person’s life,” Epstein continues. “I think it’s also difficult to break up with a therapist because we worry about hurting our therapist’s feelings.”

Your therapist knows the parts of you that you keep hidden from the people in your life. They know your struggles, your triumphs, your insecurities and your journey.

Sarah Epstein, MFT

Celeste Viciere, a licensed mental health clinician encourages you to “remind yourself that you are not getting what you need out of this relationship, and you are not being fair to yourself by staying. I think a lot of people struggle and feel badly for wanting to leave, but as therapists, we understand.”

Knowing how to go about this breakup tactfully should help lessen any anxiety you have about it.

Don’t ‘ghost’ your therapist

“Don’t just disappear without dealing directly with your therapist,” says Dr. Fran Walfish, a psychotherapist and author of “The Self-Aware Parent: Resolving Conflict and Building a Better Bond with Your Child”. “Many folks find it easier to avoid the discomfort of confrontation. They fear hurting someone’s feelings, being the target of one’s anger/rage, or collapsing into a river of tears. Be brave and use this as a learning opportunity for how to handle relationship endings.”

Tess Brigham, a psychotherapist and life coach adds that if you find yourself wanting to ghost your therapist, you should ask yourself if this is a pattern in your life, and whether you fear having hard conversations.

“This is your opportunity to work on something significant that could change how you approach other tough conversations,” Brigham says.