How To Control Your Emotions During A Difficult Conversation

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SKIP TO CONTENTHarvard Business Review LogoDifficult conversationsHow to Control Your Emotions During a Difficult Conversation

by Amy Gallo

December 1, 2017Peter Dazeley/Getty Images
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It’s hard not to get worked up emotionally when you’re in a tense conversation. After all, a disagreement can feel like a threat. You’re afraid you’re going to have to give up something — your point of view, the way you’re used to doing something, the notion that you’re right, or maybe even power – and your body therefore ramps up for a fight by triggering the sympathetic nervous system. This is a natural response, but the problem is that our bodies and minds aren’t particularly good at discerning between the threats presented by not getting your way on the project plan and, say, being chased down by a bear. Your heart rate and breathing rate spike, your muscles tighten, the blood in your body moves away from your organs, and you’re likely to feel uncomfortable.

Amy Gallo is a contributing editor at Harvard Business Review, a cohost of the Women at Work podcast, and the author of Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People) (Harvard Business Review Press, 2022) and the HBR Guide to Dealing with Conflict(Harvard Business Review Press, 2017). She writes and speaks about workplace dynamics.@amyegallo
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