How To Get A Friend Back: 12 Steps (with Pictures) - WikiHow

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Terms of Use wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. Learn why people trust wikiHow How to Get a Friend Back PDF download Download Article The best ways to repair a broken friendship after a falling out Co-authored by Klare Heston, LCSW

Last Updated: January 20, 2025

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  • Assessing the Situation
    • |
  • Reaching Out
    • |
  • Communicating
    • |
  • Moving Forward
    • |
  • Expert Q&A
    • |
  • Tips
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This article was co-authored by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR). This article has been viewed 515,048 times.

Though we may be taught that friendships are rock-solid, most of them have their own ebb and flow. If a good friend is keeping their distance and you want to reach out to them, the best approach is openness, honesty, and a willingness to acknowledge your friend's feelings. Take your time, be thoughtful, and hopefully you can repair your friendship and move forward.

A Brief Overview of Getting a Friend Back

  • Reflect on the situation and try to figure out what caused the rift between you; accept responsibility for any mistakes, and forgive your friend for theirs.
  • Plan out what you want to say (and your ultimate goal) before contacting your friend and asking them to meet. Write a letter if you're scared to talk out loud.
  • Be sincere and honest about how you feel, but make an effort to understand their side of things, too. Be patient if your friend needs time to come around.

Steps

Part 1 Part 1 of 4:

Assessing the Situation

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  1. Step 1 Reflect on what has happened. 1 Reflect on what has happened. There is most likely a specific reason for the rift in your friendship. Consider the situation as objectively as you can. Does one of you bear a larger portion of involvement?
    • Even if you feel wronged by your friend, consider the possibility that somewhere along the line you have also hurt them in subtle ways that you weren't aware of.
    • On the other hand, if you know you're the one who made a mistake, spend some time reflecting on what you did and why, and how you can prevent doing it again.
  2. Step 2 Beware of assumptions. 2 Beware of assumptions. If there seems to be no clear reason for your friend's distance, don't jump to conclusions. It may have nothing to do with you; your friend might have something troubling them.[1] Advertisement
  3. Step 3 Be prepared to accept responsibility and/or forgive. 3 Be prepared to accept responsibility and/or forgive. You may want your friend back, but until you're ready to acknowledge your own mistakes and/or forgive your friend theirs, you won't get anywhere.
    • That said, you may need to have a long talk with your friend before the wounds start to heal. The important thing is to make sure you feel ready and willing to put things back together, rather than nurse a grudge. Your friend may not listen at first, but with time and you showing that you care, they will forgive.
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Part 2 Part 2 of 4:

Reaching Out

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  1. Step 1 Think about what you want to say in advance. 1 Think about what you want to say in advance. If you feel you need to apologize, be specific about what you're apologizing for. Make sure it's sincere: what are you really sorry about?[2]
    • For example, if you've been ignoring your friend because you're spending all your time with a new love interest, it isn't appropriate to apologize for spending time with this other person. Instead, talk about how you're sorry you haven't been making time for your friend.
  2. Step 2 Call your friend or ask to meet. 2 Call your friend or ask to meet. It's probably best to talk in person if you can: body language can communicate a lot more than just your voices and may help avoid misunderstandings. However, if that's not possible, call your friend to talk.
    • If you ask to meet, try to avoid vague phrases like, "We need to talk." These can put your friend on the defensive. Instead, try a more emotionally rooted approach like, "I miss you," or "I was just hoping we could spend a little time together."[3]
  3. Step 3 Write a letter. 3 Write a letter. If you're too shy or your friend won't see you, writing a short note can help break down the barrier. Sometimes expressing yourself on paper is easier than in person. Try to be simple and straightforward; at the end, suggest a casual, no-pressure meeting, such as going for coffee or a walk.
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Part 3 Part 3 of 4:

Communicating

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  1. Step 1 Tap into sincerity. 1 Tap into sincerity. Tell your friend how important they are to you, and that you miss them. While it may be tempting to get this talk over with as soon as possible, cutting corners could work against you. This is the opportunity to wear your heart on your sleeve.
    • Again, avoid one-liners like, "Let's bury the hatchet" - such contrived phrases might put your friend on guard.[4]
  2. Step 2 Listen to your friend's side. 2 Listen to your friend's side. Again, it's best if you approach the conversation without preconceived notions of how they're feeling or what they're going to say. Keep an open mind, and give them as long as they need to say whatever it is they need to.[5]
    • They may need a cue from you, like "I'm sure I made you feel pretty awful," or "I'd love to be friends again. Do you think that's possible?"[6]
    • Listen without interrupting, even if what they say triggers certain responses in you.
  3. Step 3 Give your friend time to think it over. 3 Give your friend time to think it over. You may have been ready to talk things through, but perhaps your friend wasn't quite. Both of you might need time to process what the other has said. You've made a big, important step initiating this talk - now step back a bit so your friend can consider.
    • This is especially important to keep in mind if you don't receive a positive response at first. In a few weeks or months, your friend may still come around.[7]
    • It may be difficult to take a step back from your friendship, but it may be necessary for your friendship to heal.
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Part 4 Part 4 of 4:

Moving Forward

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  1. Step 1 Be patient. 1 Be patient. Your friend may need time, even more time than you expected, to mull things over. Friendships are complex, so don't expect this to mend overnight.[8]
  2. Step 2 Talk about things that you'd like to change. 2 Talk about things that you'd like to change. If you are both ready to resume your friendship, this transition is a good moment to agree on a few basic things if necessary. This is also a chance for both of you to learn and grow from each other.
    • For example, maybe you'll agree to be a better listener and your friend will agree not criticize you so much.[9]
    • This doesn't mean, however, that you should make drastic changes to yourself to please your friend. If your friend makes demands you're uncomfortable with, you need to consider whether this is really a healthy friendship based on love and mutual respect.
    EXPERT TIP Adam Dorsay, PsyD

    Adam Dorsay, PsyD

    Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008. Adam Dorsay, PsyD Adam Dorsay, PsyD Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker

    Take a step back and ask yourself, "Is this a relationship that's working? Are we helping each other? Is this friendship one-sided?" Spending time on a friendship that's going downhill actually doesn't serve you. Don't invest time in a relationship that isn't good for you.

  3. Step 3 Make plans. 3 Make plans. When you feel you've both talked everything through and things are on the mend, make a plan to see each other again. Suggesting a fun activity that you used to do together (going for a hike, making dinner, going to a movie) prevents dwelling on the problem and can help get your relationship back on track.[10]
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You’ve read the article, now get personalized advice with wikiHow Quizzes. Each quiz is carefully researched and even endorsed by experts. Have fun and get the expert advice you need! 1 - Are They Your True Friend Quiz 1 Are They Your True Friend Quiz 2 - Is My Friend Toxic Quiz 2 Is My Friend Toxic Quiz 3 - Am I a Likable Person Quiz 3 Am I a Likable Person Quiz

Expert Q&A

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  • Question My friend won't reply to my texts on purpose, what do I do? Klare Heston, LCSW Klare Heston, LCSW Licensed Social Worker Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR). Klare Heston, LCSW Klare Heston, LCSW Licensed Social Worker Expert Answer There's no way to know if your friend is ignoring your texts on purpose. There could be another explanation. Stop texting them for awhile and see what happens. Your friend may contact you when they're ready. Thanks! We're glad this was helpful. Thank you for your feedback. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow Yes No Not Helpful 48 Helpful 96
  • Question Why do some friends need over a month long amount of space without communication? And is it still a friendship without communication? Klare Heston, LCSW Klare Heston, LCSW Licensed Social Worker Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR). Klare Heston, LCSW Klare Heston, LCSW Licensed Social Worker Expert Answer Depending on what happened, some friends will need more than a month! Giving the other person space and working through issues is all part of being a friend. Thanks! We're glad this was helpful. Thank you for your feedback. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow Yes No Not Helpful 26 Helpful 84
Ask a Question 200 characters left Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Submit Advertisement

Tips

  • Sometimes friendships have a natural end because people grow apart, or do things that the other cannot forgive. If your efforts are repeatedly rebuffed, you may need to accept your friend's decision and let go of that relationship. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
  • Try to keep away from words like "you" or "your" and words that describe them, words like "I" or "we" and words that describe you when you are apologising to them. This shows that you have thought about the friendship and how important it is to you. Example: "I know what I have done and we had a strong friendship between us." Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
  • Talk to your them when you are both in good spirits and can sit down and discuss maturely how led to the friendship ending. Decide if you still have common interests that made you friends in the past and give it a week or two trial run at a renewed friendship. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
Show More Tips Submit a Tip All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published Name Please provide your name and last initial Submit Thanks for submitting a tip for review! Advertisement

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References

  1. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rebecca-bent/how-to-fix-a-friendship_b_798477.html
  2. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rebecca-bent/how-to-fix-a-friendship_b_798477.html
  3. ↑ http://www.shape.com/lifestyle/mind-and-body/how-heal-broken-friendship
  4. ↑ http://www.shape.com/lifestyle/mind-and-body/how-heal-broken-friendship
  5. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rebecca-bent/how-to-fix-a-friendship_b_798477.html
  6. ↑ http://www.shape.com/lifestyle/mind-and-body/how-heal-broken-friendship
  7. ↑ http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-friendship-doctor/200910/5-tips-mending-tattered-friendship
  8. ↑ http://www.shape.com/lifestyle/mind-and-body/how-heal-broken-friendship
  9. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rebecca-bent/how-to-fix-a-friendship_b_798477.html
More References (1)
  1. ↑ http://www.shape.com/lifestyle/mind-and-body/how-heal-broken-friendship

About This Article

Klare Heston, LCSW Co-authored by: Klare Heston, LCSW Licensed Social Worker This article was co-authored by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR). This article has been viewed 515,048 times. 234 votes - 68% Co-authors: 117 Updated: January 20, 2025 Views: 515,048 Categories: Changing and Losing Friends Article SummaryX

To get a friend back, start by reaching out to them and asking to meet in person so there aren’t any misunderstandings over the phone or through texts. Then, tell your friend how important they are to you and ask them to forgive you for the things you did wrong in your friendship. Next, listen to their side of things with an open mind and avoid interrupting as they explain how they’re feeling. Once you’ve both had a chance to talk, give your friend time to think things over before making an effort to hang out again. For tips on how to write your friend a letter if they don’t want to see you in person, read on! Did this summary help you?YesNo

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Reader Success Stories

  • Ansh Kaur

    Ansh Kaur

    Sep 27, 2018

    "I recently lost a friend because I fell in love with a boy and she became jealous. I tried to cheer her up and make..." more
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Did this article help you?

Yes No Advertisement Cookies make wikiHow better. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our cookie policy. Klare Heston, LCSW Co-authored by: Klare Heston, LCSW Licensed Social Worker 234 votes - 68% Click a star to vote Co-authors: 117 Updated: January 20, 2025 Views: 515,048 Ansh Kaur

Ansh Kaur

Sep 27, 2018

"I recently lost a friend because I fell in love with a boy and she became jealous. I tried to cheer her up and make..." more Anonymous

Anonymous

Feb 17, 2024

"This article helps. I lost my friend cause she was hanging out with other people. I was deeply upset. But I learned..." more Makayla S

Makayla S

Jun 10, 2020

"My friend and I had a fight because she was too clingy but then I realised I needed her and this helped me to win..." more Margaret

Margaret

Sep 16, 2016

"This article was very helpful. I am going through a rough time with a friend and this helped me a lot. Thank you so..." more Bria Smith

Bria Smith

Jul 2, 2016

"Really helped me, thank you. I used to miss my friend so much, but I got through to him and now we are dating...." more Share yours! More success stories Hide success stories

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