How To Know When It's Time To Walk Away From Love - BetterHelp

Mental health and love

Research has been done to determine all the reasons that people decide to stay in or walk away from romantic relationships.

According to a 2018 study, the top five reasons for staying include:

1. Emotional intimacy
2. Emotional investment
3. Family duty
4. The partner’s personality
5. Enjoyment

The top five reasons for leaving someone include:

1. The partner’s personality
2. A breach of trust
3. The partner having withdrawn
4. An external reason
5. Physical distance

However, the researchers also note that a major decision like this is rarely clear cut—that “people experience subtle shifts in their commitment that build up over time”. For example, the top five reasons to stay could all exist in a person’s relationship, but they could still realize that one issue outweighs them all, or gives them the courage to walk away. You may also decide you want to edit these lists, and your reasons don’t match up. Deciding whether to walk away from someone you love often involves a complicated review of the situation. No matter what your scenario may be, coming to the right decision can take time and involve difficult feelings.

How to walk away from someone you love: Signs that it could be time to leave

If you’re wondering if a relationship has come to its natural end or you need to walk away there’s usually a specific reason. Maybe you feel the love has run its course, or perhaps you are struggling to devote enough time to your relationship due to your career. Some elements of a relationship that make us feel inclined to end it can be improved or fixed or aren’t serious enough to outweigh the good. Others, however, may be indicative of a fundamental problem that is unlikely to be overcome, which may indicate that it’s time to go. Some of these include the following:

Your dynamic as a couple is unhealthy

Everyone deserves to feel safe and respected from their partner in a romantic relationship. If you don’t, it is time to seek help. Some signs your relationship is unhealthy could include hostility, isolation, manipulation, or one person attempting to track or control another. In unhealthy dynamics, one partner may blame you when things go wrong and negatively impact your well-being. Feeling afraid of your partner and their reactions or having a relationship that’s characterized by frequent, extreme highs and lows can also be signs of trouble. The experience of abuse of any kind—physical, emotional, sexual, or otherwise—is also a clear indication that your relationship dynamic is unhealthy and may be harmful to your physical and mental health. You deserve to feel safe, loved, and respected.

You both have different goals

Even the healthiest of love relationships may need to end if the people involved have incompatible life goals. For example, if one person happens to want to have children someday and their partner does not, the couple may decide to split up to pursue their separate dreams. Other potentially problematic incompatibilities could include wanting to live in different places, wanting to get married or not, significant religious differences, differing preferences on monogamy, etc. This doesn't mean your relationship isn't loving, but it may mean you have different long-term visions. Navigating this situation can be one of the hardest things because it can be hard to imagine the person you love being out of your life forever just because you disagree on some goals. However, compromising on goals that are truly important to you can leave you feeling hurt, resentful, and angry with your partner – all hallmarks of bad relationships. For this reason, it’s important to determine if breaking up is the right thing for you, your partner, and your relationship.