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How to Make a Narcissist Miserable Download Article Guard your energy when interacting with a toxic person Explore this Article IN THIS ARTICLE 1 Ignore them. 2 Act indifferent toward them. 3 Tell them how happy you are. 4 Speak in facts, not emotions. 5 Set boundaries and stick to them. 6 Tell them no. 7 Confront them about their mistakes. 8 Call out their manipulation. 9 Focus on yourself. + Show 6 more... - Show less... Other Sections Video Tips and Warnings Related Articles Expert Interview References Co-authored by Adam Dorsay, PsyD and Dev Murphy, MA
Last Updated: October 25, 2023 Approved
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This article was co-authored by Adam Dorsay, PsyD and by wikiHow staff writer, Dev Murphy, MA. Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008. There are 9 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. In this case, 90% of readers who voted found the article helpful, earning it our reader-approved status. This article has been viewed 367,567 times.
People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) may have a tendency to act arrogant or entitled, but this doesn’t necessarily make them toxic or abusive, and only a doctor can diagnose NPD.[1]XResearch source However, dealing with someone who displays toxic or abusive tendencies can be really challenging, whether they’ve got clinical NPD or not. The best thing you can do is focus on protecting your energy and improving your own well-being, without being cruel or mean-spirited. We've got expert-backed advice to help you make interactions with them as painless as possible or even cut them out of your life for good.
Steps
1
Ignore them.
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Depriving them of your attention shows them they don’t have power over you. If they think they deserve to be treated better than everyone else, simply refusing to give them attention now and again can put them in their place.[2]X Expert Source Jay Reid, LPCCLicensed Professional Clinical CounselorExpert Interview This can be very effective in the long term, as they may learn to leave you alone. Ignore their texts and phone calls—or at least, don’t feel compelled to answer immediately.[3]XResearch source
If this person is toxic or abusive toward you, consider cutting them out of your life, if you can. Go completely no contact by blocking their number and their social media account.
Did You Know? These types of people tend to play the victim in order to get attention.
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Act indifferent toward them.
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If this person craves praise, denying them attention is sure to rankle them. One surefire way to show a toxic person they don’t have power over you is by acting indifferent toward them.[4]X Expert Source Jay Reid, LPCCLicensed Professional Clinical CounselorExpert Interview Just treat them like everyone else. Don’t praise them excessively, don’t react to their comments, and stick to neutral statements when you’re talking to them.[5]XResearch source
If they tell you about one of their accomplishments, say something like, “Oh, cool,” or, “Nice.”
You could also compare them to someone else. If they tell you about something they did at work, try saying, “Oh yeah, Greg told me about something like that. He did the exact same thing at his job.”
3
Tell them how happy you are.
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Some toxic people feel worse when they see others thrive. If this person has an unrealistic view of their own importance, they may feel threatened by other people’s success. This can lead them to downplay your successes in order to inflate their own ego, which can leave you feeling pretty miserable. Turn the tables the next time this happens: remind them (and yourself) what a great, accomplished person you are.[6]X Expert Source Adam Dorsay, PsyDLicensed Psychologist & TEDx SpeakerExpert Interview Over time, they may learn that success isn’t a zero-sum game.
“Did I tell you about my big promotion? It came with a raise, too!”
“My team totally killed it at our kickball tournament last weekend. State championships, here we come!”
“I’m so happy with my grades this term. I got a 4.0!”
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Speak in facts, not emotions.
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Cold, hard facts are hard for a manipulative person to argue with. Sometimes, manipulative people may exaggerate the truth or gaslight you into doubting your reality, either to make themselves look good or to get some power over you. If this person has a habit of doing this, keep a record of what they say so that you can prove you’re right later if they try to lie. They’ll have a much harder time disputing what you’re saying.[7]XResearch source
“Can we talk about what you said to me earlier? Let me show you the texts you sent me so you remember exactly what you said.”
“You told them you’d go over to their house today, remember? Here, I saved the email you sent them last week.”
5
Set boundaries and stick to them.
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When you stick to your boundaries, it’s harder to be manipulated. The person may try to take advantage of you and your kindness. Set hard boundaries, and follow through with real consequences if they cross them.[8]X Trustworthy Source HelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
“If you keep yelling at me, I’m going to walk away.”
“You’re being disrespectful to me right now. We can continue this conversation once you’ve calmed down.”
“If you keep calling me names in public, I’m not going to run errands with you anymore.”
Advertisement 6
Tell them no.
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Some people just want things their way and don’t like hearing “no.” If this person has an inflated ego, telling them no will shatter the illusion that they’re in charge of the world. The next time they tell you to do something, try saying “no.” Avoid getting aggressive or mean—stay calm, but be firm.[9]XResearch source
Some people act controlling or demanding out of a sense of entitlement.[10]X Expert Source Adam Dorsay, PsyDLicensed Psychologist & TEDx SpeakerExpert Interview When you stand up for yourself, you directly challenge that perception. Over time, they may become less demanding.
If this person is abusive, use caution with this tactic. Directly challenging someone who is abusive can be dangerous, and your safety is a top priority.
7
Confront them about their mistakes.
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They may struggle to take criticism, but sometimes it’s necessary. If this person gets irritated or upset when you address a mistake they’ve made, you might understandably shy away from pointing out negative behavior, even when it hurts you. Practice confronting them anyway. Be firm, but be gentle, and avoid insulting them or raising your voice.[11]X Trustworthy Source Mayo ClinicEducational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source
Let them know how their behavior made you feel, and use “I” statements to avoid coming off overly judgmental or accusatory: “I felt really terrible when you didn’t pick me up from work like you said you would.”
Advertisement 8
Call out their manipulation.
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Hold them accountable for any manipulative behavior. When you notice that they’re trying to manipulate you, don’t fall for it. Instead, point out their behavior and assure them it won’t work on you.[12]XResearch source
“It seems like you’re trying to manipulate me, but it’s not going to work.”
“If you think I’m going to fall for that, I won’t.”
9
Focus on yourself.
Download Article
They may expect you to put their needs ahead of yours. To diminish the damaging effect they could have on you, be sure to treat yourself with respect and love yourself. Put your needs first and make them known—don’t ignore your own needs just to cater to theirs.[13]X Trustworthy Source HelpGuideNonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
“Sorry, I can’t help you out today. I’ve got an appointment that I can’t cancel.”
“I wish I could, but I’m taking the day off today to relax. I’ll talk to you later!”
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Tips
Further, not everyone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder is toxic or abusive. Some people with NPD learn to manage their behavior through therapy or medication. Thanks Helpful 23 Not Helpful 6
Remember that everyone has narcissistic tendencies occasionally, and only a licensed therapist can diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Thanks Helpful 12 Not Helpful 9
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Warnings
If the person you’re dealing with has shown abusive tendencies, avoid interacting with them as much as you can. Keep your safety in mind, and call the authorities if you feel threatened. Thanks Helpful 18 Not Helpful 4
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about narcissism, check out our in-depth interview with Liana Georgoulis, PsyD.
Co-authored by: Adam Dorsay, PsyD Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker This article was co-authored by Adam Dorsay, PsyD and by wikiHow staff writer, Dev Murphy, MA. Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008. This article has been viewed 367,567 times. 18 votes - 90% Co-authors: 12Updated: October 25, 2023 Views: 367,567 Categories: Relationships In other languages Spanish Vietnamese Hindi Japanese Indonesian Turkish Portuguese Arabic German Italian Korean French
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Reader Success Stories
John V.
May 2, 2024
"I am currently suffering (and have suffered) at the hands of my neighbour who totally has narcissistic traits. She has gained everything she's wanted at the misery & expense of us. With the help of your article I now understand and feel more free. Thank you. She has however controlled and manipulated us for years and years so I do feel like a victim though. Should I raise this with the authorities/police as she was verbally abusive to me and I've witnessed her vile temper first hand."..." more
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Yes No Advertisement Cookies make wikiHow better. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our cookie policy. Co-authored by: Adam Dorsay, PsyD Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker Co-authors: 12Updated: October 25, 2023 Views: 367,56790% of readers found this article helpful. 18 votes - 90% Click a star to add your vote 90% of people told us that this article helped them.
John V.
May 2, 2024
"I am currently suffering (and have suffered) at the hands of my neighbour who totally has narcissistic traits. She has gained everything she's wanted at the misery & expense of us. With the help of your article I now understand and feel more free. Thank you. She has however controlled and manipulated us for years and years so I do feel like a victim though. Should I raise this with the authorities/police as she was verbally abusive to me and I've witnessed her vile temper first hand."..." more
Rose Lanot
Feb 28, 2023
"Thank you for this article. It made me know who am I dating with narcissism. It felt so bad, because I'm falling for him right now."..." more Rated this article:
Lyla
Nov 24, 2022
"You made my understanding much more clear. I feel much more able to get through my hurt feelings with my narcissist boyfriend."..." more Share yours! More success stories Hide success stories
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Download Article Guard your energy when interacting with a toxic person Explore this Article IN THIS ARTICLE 1 Ignore them. 2 Act indifferent toward them. 3 Tell them how happy you are. 4 Speak in facts, not emotions. 5 Set boundaries and stick to them. 6 Tell them no. 7 Confront them about their mistakes. 8 Call out their manipulation. 9 Focus on yourself. + Show 6 more... - Show less... Other Sections Video Tips and Warnings Related Articles Expert Interview References Co-authored by Adam Dorsay, PsyD and Dev Murphy, MA 
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Co-authored by: Adam Dorsay, PsyD Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker This article was co-authored by Adam Dorsay, PsyD and by wikiHow staff writer, Dev Murphy, MA. Dr. Adam Dorsay is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Jose, CA, and the co-creator of Project Reciprocity, an international program at Facebook's Headquarters, and a consultant with Digital Ocean’s Safety Team. He specializes in assisting high-achieving adults with relationship issues, stress reduction, anxiety, and attaining more happiness in their lives. In 2016 he gave a well-watched TEDx talk about men and emotions. Dr. Dorsay has a M.A. in Counseling from Santa Clara University and received his doctorate in Clinical Psychology in 2008. This article has been viewed 367,567 times. 18 votes - 90% Co-authors: 12 Updated: October 25, 2023 Views: 367,567 Categories: Relationships In other languages Spanish Vietnamese Hindi Japanese Indonesian Turkish Portuguese Arabic German Italian Korean French 
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Depriving them of your attention shows them they don’t have power over you. If they think they deserve to be treated better than everyone else, simply refusing to give them attention now and again can put them in their place.[2] This can be very effective in the long term, as they may learn to leave you alone. Ignore their texts and phone calls—or at least, don’t feel compelled to answer immediately.[3] 
If this person craves praise, denying them attention is sure to rankle them. One surefire way to show a toxic person they don’t have power over you is by acting indifferent toward them.[4] Just treat them like everyone else. Don’t praise them excessively, don’t react to their comments, and stick to neutral statements when you’re talking to them.[5] 
Some toxic people feel worse when they see others thrive. If this person has an unrealistic view of their own importance, they may feel threatened by other people’s success. This can lead them to downplay your successes in order to inflate their own ego, which can leave you feeling pretty miserable. Turn the tables the next time this happens: remind them (and yourself) what a great, accomplished person you are.[6] Over time, they may learn that success isn’t a zero-sum game. 
Cold, hard facts are hard for a manipulative person to argue with. Sometimes, manipulative people may exaggerate the truth or gaslight you into doubting your reality, either to make themselves look good or to get some power over you. If this person has a habit of doing this, keep a record of what they say so that you can prove you’re right later if they try to lie. They’ll have a much harder time disputing what you’re saying.[7] 
When you stick to your boundaries, it’s harder to be manipulated. The person may try to take advantage of you and your kindness. Set hard boundaries, and follow through with real consequences if they cross them.[8] 
Some people just want things their way and don’t like hearing “no.” If this person has an inflated ego, telling them no will shatter the illusion that they’re in charge of the world. The next time they tell you to do something, try saying “no.” Avoid getting aggressive or mean—stay calm, but be firm.[9] 
They may struggle to take criticism, but sometimes it’s necessary. If this person gets irritated or upset when you address a mistake they’ve made, you might understandably shy away from pointing out negative behavior, even when it hurts you. Practice confronting them anyway. Be firm, but be gentle, and avoid insulting them or raising your voice.[11] 
Hold them accountable for any manipulative behavior. When you notice that they’re trying to manipulate you, don’t fall for it. Instead, point out their behavior and assure them it won’t work on you.[12] 
They may expect you to put their needs ahead of yours. To diminish the damaging effect they could have on you, be sure to treat yourself with respect and love yourself. Put your needs first and make them known—don’t ignore your own needs just to cater to theirs.[13] 