How To Make The First Move: 15 Steps (with Pictures) - WikiHow

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Terms of Use wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. Learn why people trust wikiHow How to Make the First Move PDF download Download Article Co-authored by Connell Barrett

Last Updated: July 1, 2025 Fact Checked

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  • Laying the Ground Work
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  • Making the Best First Move
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This article was co-authored by Connell Barrett. Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach." There are 14 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 1,455,004 times.

If you've met someone you like, or even really like, you may be seeing stars and feeling the butterflies. You start to smile whenever you think about them, and start worrying about what you wear. You're starting to consider taking your relationship with this person to the next level, but of course you want it to go smoothly. The more intense your feelings are for someone, the more likely it is that you feel nervous and are worried about doing or saying the wrong thing. Making the first move can be difficult, but whether you are a guy or a girl, you can successfully make the leap.

Steps

Part 1 Part 1 of 2:

Laying the Ground Work

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  1. Step 1 Pay attention to body language cues. 1 Pay attention to body language cues. It's the old but true cliché: actions always speak louder than words. Only 7% of our daily communication is verbal. 55% of our communication comes from body language.[1] Before initiating any kind of move, look for body language clues such as prolonged eye contact and positive facial expressions to help you work out whether you'll get a positive response.
    • A woman may expose certain areas of her body like her neck or wrists, and may play with her hair.[2] She may touch you or lean against you, or maybe she will turn towards you with her arms open and uncrossed.[3]
    • A man may exhibit more obvious and bold signals. These may include resting an arm on the back of your chair, engaging in strong eye contact, and sitting or leaning close to you.
  2. Step 2 Communicate with your body language. 2 Communicate with your body language. Be sure that you are sending the right signals as well as receiving them. Your body language can give the object of your desire hints that you are interested.[4] 4
    • Smiling can be a strong indicator that someone is interested. Make sure you also are smiling to communicate your interest to the other person.
    • You may notice that you are 'mirroring', which is the subconscious copying of the actions of the other person's body positions. When someone smiles at you, you tend to smile back. Flirting is a way of mirroring each other's actions. Try to see if you're on the same wavelength by doing an action. If the other person mirrors you, great. If she doesn’t, go back to mirroring her to create a bond.[5]
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  3. Step 3 Engage in good conversation. 3 Engage in good conversation. While there are physical ways to flirt, talking and chatting can also be a great way to get to know someone and possibly take the relationship to the next level. Displaying good listening and communication skills indicates confidence, one of the most attractive qualities in a person. While men are more motivated by action, women tend to value meaningful words from their partners.[6] Regardless of gender, most individuals appreciate a good one on one chat. Some general tips for creating good conversation include:
  4. Step 4 Ask interesting questions. 4 Ask interesting questions. When talking to your beloved, skip observations about the weather, or questions that can be answered with one word (and result in awkward silences).[7]
    • Open ended questions about current events, your personal backgrounds, common interests and hobbies, can steer the conversation in the right direction.
    • Prompts like, "What books are you reading these days? Seen any great movies lately? What is your favorite part of the city/town/neighborhood you live in?" are good ways to keep the conversation going.
    • Follow up questions like, "What was your favorite character in that book? What did you think of the end of that movie? Why do you like that part of the city so much?" illustrate you are paying attention to your partner's answers and reacting to him in an interested way.
  5. Step 5 Be honest and straightforward. 5 Be honest and straightforward. While sweet talk and light banter can create some fun conversations, honesty also goes a long way. This doesn't mean you have to spill all the personal details of your private life in one conversation, but being direct and straightforward about what you look for in a partner, your outlook on life, etc, illustrates self assurance and self knowledge. It also allows your partner to understand where you're coming from, and feel comfortable sharing his point of view as well.[8]
  6. Step 6 Be positive. 6 Be positive. Speaking positively helps you to keep a light tone, an interested posture, a bright facial expression. Negativity will make you seem guarded, and it could be a turn off. If you want to talk about negative things, spin it in a positive, humorous way. You want to share and be honest, but you always want to keep things at this early stage light and enjoyable.[9]
  7. Step 7 Create a romantic setting. 7 Create a romantic setting. Plan a simple romantic date, ahead of time, in a private, intimate space. Maybe instead of the movies or dinner out, cook dinner at your apartment or invite your date up for a drink. The idea is to create a safe, comfortable atmosphere that still feels spontaneous and romantic.
  8. Step 8 Keep it casual. 8 Keep it casual. If a romantic setting isn't the right move for you or the person you're interested in, try something more casual.
    • Give the person your number. You can do this in a subtle way. Recommend your favorite movie or book, then say, "Let me give you my number so you can let me know what you think!"
    • Send a casual message on social media. Comment on his picture on Instagram, send a Facebook message, or Tweet him. You can always use her updates to start a conversation, and then open an opportunity to ask her out casually.[10]
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Part 2 Part 2 of 2:

Making the Best First Move

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  1. Step 1 Suggest getting together. 1 Suggest getting together. Making the first move doesn't have to be the obvious and potentially awkward question, "Will you go on a date with me?" If you both like pizza, suggest going to your favorite place on Friday. If the other person likes movies, tell her that you two should go see one soon. If the other person expresses interest, be sure to turn the interest into an actual plan. For example, instead of leaving it at “yeah, we should go to a movie sometime,” you should say “Casablanca is playing at the independent cinema at 7:00PM on Thursday; would you like to go see it?”
  2. Step 2 Follow up after you spend time together. 2 Follow up after you spend time together. If you went to dinner or a movie, send the person a text to let her know you enjoyed your time. This shows that you are still interested.
    • Think about mentioning a specific thing that happened during the date, like a joke or a food you both ate. That can open up the lines of communication for both of you.[11]
  3. Step 3 Be bold and ask the person out. 3 Be bold and ask the person out. Sometimes the straightforward approach is the best one. If the signs from the other person point to mutual interest, then just go for it and ask her out.[12]
    • Don't be pushy or aggressive. You can be direct while still being casual. If you seem too pushy, you may scare the person away.
  4. Step 4 Invite the other person on a group date. 4 Invite the other person on a group date. If you're still shy, you can ask him out to a group setting. This can be dinner, pub trivia night, a sporting event, or a party. It could give you both a chance to talk and hang out, but takes off some of the pressure.[13]
  5. Step 5 Ask for permission before you make a physical move. 5 Ask for permission before you make a physical move. This doesn't necessarily have to be a verbal confirmation. Your partner will usually use physical cues to indicate that she is willing to go further. Every person's response will vary, but body language like touching your face and parts of your body tend to mean you are good to keep going. Pay attention to your partner's reactions, and adjust your actions accordingly.
    • You should both be giving your consent to the first move in either a verbal or physical way. It doesn't matter what the other person said or did earlier; consent is always about that exact moment.[14]
    • You should both be in a state that enables cohesive decision making: this means that you should both be sober, particularly if this is the first time you are becoming physical.
  6. Step 6 Start with kissing and slowly go from there. 6 Start with kissing and slowly go from there. Just like asking someone out, it takes guts to go after a kiss from someone for the first time! Relax and be confident but not overly aggressive. Maintain eye contact, lean in and pause when your faces are close before you go any further to make sure your partner is also interested in a kiss. From kissing, slowly lead into something more physical.
    • When kissing, try touching their face and playing with their hair.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 343 wikiHow readers if they like it when someone they like plays with their hair, and 76% of them said yes. [Take Poll]
  7. Step 7 Take it slow when making a physical first move. 7 Take it slow when making a physical first move. So, you've started kissing, but you want to take it a bit further. Go slow to ensure the other person is on the same page as you. Light touches and closer body contact will not only make your intentions clear, but can give you an idea of the other person's interest.
    • Make sure to go slow enough to give the other person time to say no. You want to have a fun, consensual, and safe time with each other. This includes making the person feel comfortable. If the person isn't ready to take it as far as you are, then respect her wishes.
    • Make sure you have protection. This one seems like a no brainer, but if you're preparing for a first move, always have condoms on hand (regardless of your gender, women should bring their own, too!). Part of having an enjoyable time together is ensuring you're both safe and comfortable, so always use protection.[15]
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question Can a girl make the first move on a guy? Connell Barrett Connell Barrett Dating Coach Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach." Connell Barrett Connell Barrett Dating Coach Expert Answer Definitely. Try starting with small moves and then work your way up from there. For example, you could sit close to the other person or touch them on the shoulder while talking. If that move gets a green light, that might mean that they are ready for you to make a move. Thanks! We're glad this was helpful. Thank you for your feedback. If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow Yes No Not Helpful 18 Helpful 92
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Tips

  • If at any point your partner says stop or slow down, always stop or slow down. Remember, no means no. Thanks Helpful 33 Not Helpful 4
  • Be sure that both of you are able to make competent decisions about consent; avoid drug or alcohol use before escalating to a physical relationship.\ Thanks Helpful 17 Not Helpful 4
  • There is debate around whether a woman or a man should make the first move. While each gender communicates their interests in someone else differently, there is no consensus on which gender should make the first move. The tips above apply to all genders. Thanks Helpful 14 Not Helpful 7
Show More Tips Submit a Tip All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published Name Please provide your name and last initial Submit Thanks for submitting a tip for review! Advertisement

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References

  1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beyond-words/201109/is-nonverbal-communication-a-numbers-game
  2. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/female-body-language/
  3. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/female-body-language/
  4. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/communication/nonverbal-communication
  5. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-flirt/
  6. ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/3-ways-build-self-efficacy/
  7. ↑ https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/36_questions_for_increasing_closeness
  8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201506/5-ways-build-trust-and-honesty-in-your-relationship
  9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/positive-psychology
More References (6)
  1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-digitally/201806/why-do-we-flirt-text
  2. ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/communication-in-relationships/
  3. ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/how-to-ask-someone-out-respectfully/
  4. ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/2019/05/physical-discipline
  5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/of-prisons-and-pathos/202105/a-7-step-primer-to-seeking-enthusiastic-sexual-consent
  6. ↑ https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/9404-condoms

About This Article

Connell Barrett Co-authored by: Connell Barrett Dating Coach This article was co-authored by Connell Barrett. Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach." This article has been viewed 1,455,004 times. 10 votes - 90% Co-authors: 59 Updated: July 1, 2025 Views: 1,455,004 Categories: Dating In other languages Spanish Italian Portuguese Russian Indonesian French Chinese German Dutch Arabic Thai Vietnamese Japanese Korean Hindi Turkish
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Yes No Advertisement Cookies make wikiHow better. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our cookie policy. Connell Barrett Co-authored by: Connell Barrett Dating Coach Co-authors: 59 Updated: July 1, 2025 Views: 1,455,004 90% of readers found this article helpful. 10 votes - 90% Click a star to add your vote Ben

Ben

Jul 18, 2022

"I went on a date and I looked at this before I went out with her. So, whenever I made the first move, I know how..." more Rated this article: Jessica Hunt

Jessica Hunt

Apr 3, 2017

"I really like this guy in my class. We have a party to go to soon and we are going as friends at the moment, but I..." more Sydney Walkowia

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"I used some of the tips from this article, and they worked great! I was a bit nervous, but once I made the first..." more Jordan Randall

Jordan Randall

Apr 5, 2016

"This helped me realize how hard it is to be in a relationship, and that I should just take it slow. Thank you!" Emily Lawrence

Emily Lawrence

Nov 16, 2016

"Learned if you love someone then go after them, and if he likes you then go and get him." Share yours! More success stories Hide success stories

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