How To Make The First Move, Asking For Sexual Consent - Refinery29

Skip navigation!ADVERTISEMENTStory from SexHow To Make The First Move Without Forgetting Consent (Spoiler: It's Not Hard)Kasandra BrabawMarch 13, 2018, 11:00 AM ADVERTISEMENTSee All SlidesBegin SlideshowPhotographed by Refinery29.For straight men and women, the sexual script has generally gone like this: Boy likes girl; boy asks girl out; boy makes the first move. That’s always been less-than-ideal (not to mention, limiting). In the #MeToo conversation, though, it feels more out of touch than ever. But, as is the case with most social movements, rhetoric comes faster than actual change. Many men feel as if they’re still expected to be the sexual aggressors, whether that means asking someone out, leaning in for a kiss, or escalating a makeout session into sex.As one man wrote in a Reddit post shortly after the Aziz Ansari allegations came to light: “I don't know where the line is between complimenting and harassing, or a proposition and misconduct. I absolutely don't want to push myself on anybody or be where I'm not wanted, but there's also a substantial amount of reliance on men to initiate everything from saying ‘hi’ to asking for a date.”Honestly, it’s a lesson everyone — regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation — should be learning, and one that’s probably more straightforward than it seems. Yet, in the Sahara desert that is sex education in the U.S., people aren’t learning what consent really is. (Hint: It should be more enthusiastic than “no means no.”)So, we found experts to break down how all people can make the first move and still be mindful of consent. Lesson number one: The best way to know if someone wants to have sex with you is to ask. Read on for the rest of their tips.#MeToo has raised the voices of women who’ve been sexually assaulted or harassed — and that’s not just great, it’s revolutionary. So, where does that leave men? To help answer that question, Refinery29 is providing actionable advice for men who want to be allies.Read these stories next:Let's Talk About Enthusiastic Consent...6 TV Shows That Got Sexual Consent Right (& 4 That Got It So Wrong)How One Podcast Captured The Complicated Dynamics Of Saying “No” To SexBegin Slideshow ADVERTISEMENTADVERTISEMENT RelationshipsI Use Romantasy Books As “Masturbation Material” — Is That Healthy?It’s 2 a.m. and the enemies in my new romantasy book have just turned into lovers — and it’s turning me on more than I expected. This is part of a faby Rebecca FearnOnline DatingReddit’s Dirtiest Pick-Up Lines Will Make You BlushWe’re all familiar with “Hey baby, what’s your sign?” and “If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.” But what about… diby Erika W. SmithWellness6 Signs You Just Had An OrgasmYou might have heard an orgasm described as a vaginal sneeze or called “la petite mort” — French for “the little death.” Others might describe orby Erika W. SmithRelationshipsDating Is So Bleak, Even The Anxious Girlies Are Becoming AvoidantAre you anxious, avoidant or secure? What’s rarely discussed is whether people can switch from one camp to another. People wear their “anxious” labelby Tanyel MustafaSexThe Sexual Hygiene Habit You Should Never SkipThere are two rules that anyone having anal sex has hopefully heard before: First, always use lube; second, don’t go straight from anal sex to vaginaby Cory StiegBodyIf Your Vulva Is Tingling, This Might Be WhyDepending on the situation, your vulva can sometimes feel wet, itchy, burning, or swollen. Sometimes a new feeling in your vagina is the result of a healthby Erika W. SmithSex17 Steamy & Free Erotic Literature Sitesby Kasandra BrabawSexThe Kama Sutra Sex Positions You Didn’t Know Existedby Lux AlptraumSexWhat To Do When Doggy Style Sex Gets UncomfortableDoggy style is one of the most universally popular sex positions, at least according to both online surveys and Google search data. It requires no flexibilby Cory StiegRelationshipsWhat To Say If You Get Tongue-Tied During Phone Sexby Cory StiegSexOut Of Sexting Ideas? Try Theseby Kimberly TruongSex21 Steamy Erotic Stories Written By Women — & Why They’re Importantby Rachel Kramer BusselADVERTISEMENTADVERTISEMENT