How To Motivate Teenagers | Empowering Parents

Does your teen seem completely unmotivated? For parents of teens, the refrains of, “Whatever,” and “I don’t care,” can become all too familiar. In this interview, teenage behavior expert Josh Shipp explains where your child’s motivation really lies—and how you can tap into it.

Q. What should parents do when their child seems to be unmotivated?

I think that most—if not all—kids are motivated in some way. But I think there has to be a reason for the motivation. What most kids need is a “why.”

Kids always want to know, “Why am I doing this? Why is this history project important to me?” And the answer from you can’t be, “Because I told you so.” The answer can’t even necessarily be “because this is your school work and it’s your job.”

There has to be something within your child that pushes him past the inconveniences, the shortcomings, and the hiccups that will, without question, arise when he undertakes something that’s challenging. So it’s important for kids to understand why they want to do something, not just that they have to do it.

If you’re the parent of a teen, you know how much they like to debate and question things. Sometimes that’s a pain, but I think it’s actually okay to a point.

Here’s something I’ve come to understand from personal experience as a teen. When they finally understand how something benefits them, they will do it long term. If the only reason your child does something is that it’s important to you, that is short term motivation and that will end. The reason also needs to be important to your child, not just important to you.

If your daughter is making good grades only because she wants to make you happy, eventually that’s going to end. She needs to have a personal reason WHY. Her personal reason can be that when you do a good job at something difficult, you have a sense of accomplishment. Feeling a sense of accomplishment is worth the effort it takes to experience it.

Related content: Motivating Underachievers: 9 Steps to Take When Your Child Says “I Don’t Care”