How To Protect Your Child From A Narcissistic Father Or Mother

How to Protect Your Child from the Narcissistic Father or Mother Who Alienates

Understanding Parental Alienation

What is parental alienation, and what can you do about it? Emotional abuse is an integral part of parental alienation because parental alienation is ultimately a severe and direct form of abuse.

Parental Gatekeeping

Parental gatekeeping is an often misunderstood subject because it comes in different forms, and not all of them are bad. In the article "Parental Gatekeeping in Child Custody Disputes," we discuss parental gatekeeping that closely parallels the emotional abuse of children.

Trying to Co-Parent With the Narcissistic Father or Mother

Challenges in Co-Parenting With a Narcissistic Parent

Let's just say it - co-parenting with a narcissist is darn difficult. Since communication is the key to co-parenting and a focus off the "self" and on the child's best interest is the ignition that turns its engine, a father or mother who has a serious narcissistic personality disorder won't have an interest in either.

Parallel Parenting Option

Yes, co-parenting is preferred. No, co-parenting is not the only option. Parallel parenting can also be very effective when someone is "co-parenting challenged." What is parallel parenting? Read our featured article on parallel parenting plans in high-conflict custody cases.

Common Mistakes When Dealing With a Narcissistic Parent

Overreacting With Emotion and Anger

Do you know the best way to give a narcissistic parent what he or she wants?

React emotionally and illogically. Facts are stubborn things, former president John Adams said. Facts are your ally.

Skip the emotions, anger, and frustration; none helps your children.

It just distracts you from what is in your children's best interest.

I know, it's easier said than done, right? Therapy helps. A good lawyer helps.

Common sense and support from family and friends focused on these same goals help.

But ultimately, you control your words and actions.

Bringing Your Own Conduct to the Narcissist's Level

I cringe when I hear good parents talk about doing the wrong thing.

They incorrectly think the thing to do is disparage the narcissist to the children, withhold court-ordered visitation, or otherwise take their own conduct down to that of the narcissistic parent.

What causes this?

• A lack of clear direction
• Poor advice
• Emotions taking control

It's foolish, and worse yet, all it does is dilute the other parent's misconduct.

Do you think the Family Law Judge will have much empathy for your situation or believe you to be the better parent for custody purposes if he or she sees you in the same light as the other?

Allowing Physical or Emotional Abuse to Fester

The last time a parent who seriously physically or emotionally abused his or her children got up one day and decided it's time to stop was…any guesses?

Problems don't often fix themselves. When children are abused, standing on the sideline and not protecting them makes that parent (often in the law's eyes) neglectful of the children's safety.

Some cases have come down where child protective services have taken children away from the non-abusive parent because the non-abusive parent allowed the abuse to occur and did not protect the children, by lawful means, from ongoing abuse.

Not Documenting Misconduct

Abuse can be documented, which is especially important when that documentation is needed in court.

There are different ways to document it, most commonly by email and sometimes by text. There is a right way and wrong way of doing this, and good legal advice is important to show how.

Not Enforcing Court Orders

Court orders are not suggestions. They are directives.

Failure to follow them can result in fines, community service, and even jail time. Failure to follow them is sometimes grounds for a modification of custody and visitation. If you allow court-ordered violations to fester and do nothing, you may not have anyone but yourself to blame if they continue.

Don't do that. Be vigilant.

I am not talking about going to court if the other parent is 5 minutes late for a pick-up. Common sense is important here, and more important is the advice of a family law attorney about your specific situation.

Ready to Talk?

When you are ready to talk, we are ready to listen.

We are experienced California family law attorneys.

We believe good men and women deserve great family law representation. Contact us for an affordable strategy session.

Additional Reading

Here are two pieces of additional reading we believe you will enjoy related to this topic.

• The first is our tips guide for moms. We call it over 50 custody battle tips for mothers.
• Dads, we wrote how to get custody as a father. The title is self-explanatory and will navigate dads through this sometimes confusing area of custody.