How To Start A Conversation With A Guy In Five Easy Steps

Key takeaways

• It’s common to feel hesitant about approaching a guy you’re romantically interested in. 
• Certain communication strategies may help you feel more comfortable starting a conversation with a guy. 
• Online therapy can help you build self-esteem and enhance interpersonal skills.

Starting a conversation with a guy you're interested in can be scary. You may worry about making a fool of yourself or not knowing what to say. Additionally, it can be confusing to figure out if the person you are interested in feels the same. 

For some people, starting a conversation may seem to come naturally. For others, it can be a challenge. Learning how to talk to a boy by starting a conversation can be nerve-wracking. However, there are a few steps you can take to get started. If you continue to struggle with socialization, you might also try speaking to a professional. 

How to start a conversation with a guy in five steps 

Below are five ways to start a conversation with a guy you're interested in:

• Prepare yourself. 
• Introduce yourself. 
• Start with a common subject. 
• Ask a question. 
• Use his name. 

Prepare yourself 

Preparing yourself before you start a conversation with a guy, both physically and emotionally, may improve your confidence. Put on an outfit you are confident in and ensure you have a positive mental state. Putting thought and effort into your outward appearance may seem vain, but it may increase your confidence by drawing your focus away from insecurities. Paying attention to your look can also show your style and uniqueness to a potential partner. First impressions occur within the first seven seconds of meeting someone, so you might choose to put your best foot forward by standing out from others. 

Your beliefs about yourself may be readable to others when speaking to someone. If you believe you are an interesting, attractive, and intelligent person, you may exude this energy. However, if you struggle to achieve this mindset, consider spending time with yourself or seeking professional support to improve your self-esteem. Some people may have past rejections and other experiences that reduce confidence. Talking to a therapist may help you work through insecurities.

Getting started with BetterHelp is simple:

1. Take a short questionnaire. Answer a few quick questions about your goals, preferences, and the type of therapist you’d like to work with.
2. Get matched quickly. In most cases, you can be matched with a licensed provider in as little as 48 hours.
3. Start therapy on your terms. Schedule sessions by video, phone, or live chat, and join from anywhere you have an internet connection.

Finding the right therapist isn’t just important – it’s everything.

Find your match

Introduce yourself

When you're ready to talk, go up and introduce yourself. You can open your introduction with a generic line. Don't worry about being funny or clever immediately. You could say, "Hey, I've seen you around here a few times. My name is Blake. What's yours?" Taking the first step to introduce yourself shows that you have confidence and may set you apart from those who wait for a guy to approach first. Try to be yourself. Trying to be someone else may seem inauthentic or confusing to the other person. 

Transition into a conversation with a common subject

If you're meeting this guy for the first time, you may not know much about him yet, so you may not know what to ask him. Look at the situation and consider what you have in common. It could be that you're in the same location. Ways to begin a conversation in this context might include:

• Talking about the weather
• Commenting on the band playing
• Noting the unique ambiance of the place

Avoid statements that don't invite a response, such as, "I like this band." Instead, ask, "I haven't heard this band before. What do you think of them?"  

Other ways to consider commonalities include looking for a common interest or reason for you both being in the same location. For example, if you're at a nerdy convention, you might point out your favorite fandom and ask them what they think of it. If you're in the same fandom, you might deepen your conversation by speaking about it. If you're at a coffee shop and love coffee, talk about what drew you to this shop and any stories you have from past visits. If one topic falls flat, try transitioning to another. If a guy is interested in you, he may help you move the conversation along or bring up new topics. 

Ask a question

After establishing rapport, ask the guy a question. People often enjoy talking about themselves, and asking questions shows your interest in learning more about this person. Avoid asking questions with a one-word response like, "What's your favorite drink?" Instead, ask open-ended questions like, "What do you do for a living?" or "Why is that your favorite drink?" Asking open-ended questions opens the door for additional questions and stories. Asking yes or no questions can lead to limited responses that do not move the conversation forward. 

After asking a question, the guy may ask you questions back. When asked, you may be able to show off what makes you special and unique. Try not to brag or go into a rant about yourself. Show your best qualities by discussing interesting facts about yourself and showing that you are an active listener interested in learning more about the other person. Active listening is one of many interpersonal skills you can learn in therapy. 

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Easy in-app schedulingTailored support with licensed professionals with diverse specialtiesTherapy sessions your way – video, voice or chatEasy to switch – Change therapists anytime until you find the right fitAccess to mental health tools and resources

If the guy engages with you, it may be a positive sign that he is interested in continuing the conversation. You can let him know you’re interested in continuing the conversation by:

• Smiling
• Continuing to ask questions
• Engaging in the conversation

Try returning to subjects he's already told you about in the conversation if you come up with new questions. Doing so can show him you are listening to what he says. 

Use his name

Using a guy's name several times throughout a conversation can be a way to establish a more personal connection. It's been proven that using a person's name while holding a conversation can make them feel special. It shows your interest and increases their chances of remembering you. However, try to work it in naturally. For example, if the man's name is David, consider saying, "So, David, tell me what drew you to this place." People may remember how you treated them and made them feel. Adding a personal touch could show him that he is memorable to you.  

Not sure where to begin? Build your confidence with professional support 

Some people may struggle with starting a conversation, as social norms and conversation flow might not come naturally. It's okay if you aren't naturally adept at conversation. Speaking to a professional may help you develop conversation starters and reduce barriers to connection, such as social anxiety disorder symptoms. You're not alone, and there are many ways to receive support. 

Online therapy for overcoming nervousness and learning how to start a conversation with a guy

One way of finding support is through online therapy platforms like BetterHelp. Recent research has shown that online therapy can be a helpful way to manage shyness or nervousness. In a study published by the Journal of Medical Internet Research, online cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) was found effective in managing the symptoms of social anxiety at a five-year follow-up. Researchers noted that online CBT produced significant long-lasting effects in improving social interactions. 

Benefits of online therapy

If you're already dealing with social anxiety, you may not be comfortable meeting face-to-face with a therapist. Using an online platform, you can interact with your therapist from home. You can choose between phone, video, or live chat sessions and message your therapist outside of sessions. Send them a message when you have a question, and they can get back to you as soon as they're available. In the meantime, you can work through guided journal prompts and worksheets assigned by your therapist. 

Finding the right therapist isn’t just important – it’s everything.

Find your match

Takeaway

If you struggle to find the confidence to start conversations with guys, talking to a therapist may help you build your confidence. In some cases, the disappointments of dating or experiencing rejection can leave individuals insecure. In others, difficulty starting and maintaining a conversation with a guy can be due to anxiety. A counselor can guide you in these challenges and come up with a personalized treatment plan to assist you. Reach out to a provider online or in your area to get started.