How To Stop Feeling Guilty 101 — Simplish - All-in-One Day Planner

3. Be Content with “Good Enough”

Stop beating yourself about everything you are not. Be content with being good enough. It may not be the best, biggest, splashiest, shiniest, newest thing out there but you know what…it’s good enough.

There is nothing wrong with having small bite sized goals and feeling good about actually accomplishing them. It does not have to be a marathon or bust attitude. Good enough is good enough.

4. Be Kind to Yourself

How often do you blame yourself for a mistake? Most of us are prone to be too hard on ourselves, believing that we should somehow be able to avoid mistakes altogether if we were just more on top of things.

This form of self-blame feeds right into guilt, creating a negative feedback loop of emotions that break us down rather than build us up. In the long run, feeding guilt/blame cycles can truly jeopardize our self-esteem, damage our self-confidence, and suffocate creativity. It also tends to impair our communication with those close to us, as we focus energy on our own struggle instead of reaching out.

Cultivating genuine self-forgiveness and self-compassion is the first step in being a more kind to yourself. One of the great side-effects of being your own best friend? You set an example for how you would like others to treat you. After all, if we're not kind and loving to ourselves, how can we expect to do the same with other individuals?

Cultivating genuine self-forgiveness and self-compassion is the first step in being a more kind to yourself.

5. Shift Your Perspective

Another way you can learn how to stop feeling guilty about something is to shift your perspective. Sometimes we get so incredibly caught up in our own self-talk that we lose track of context, the role that others play in our feelings, and what we may be taking accountability for that is simply not our problem.

Ask a trusted third-party family member or a close friend to offer objective feedback. Give the most basic details, and then ask, "What would you do if you were in my shoes?" Most people love, love LOVE this question, and will probably come with more advice than you know what to do with. The point is not to find an answer, but to shift your perspective - and appreciate the fact that you can respond differently.

Remember that asking for feedback is never a sign of weakness, but rather of real bravery. It requires you to fearlessly acknowledge vulnerability in pursuit of greater understanding. Hello, self development!

6. Practice Daily Mindfulness

Breaking free from negative thinking patterns takes time. One of the best practices for letting go of guilt is to take a moment to press the "pause" button of your life when these feelings come up. Take a deep breath and shift attention to your inner landscape and sensory experience through mindfulness.

Mindfulness is the practice of developing complete awareness of your thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment. When we are mindful, we're rooted in the present moment and all of the sensations and experiences that come with it.

Practicing mindfulness encourages self-acceptance because it shows us that all we really have is with us right now, in this moment.

Our feelings change, but we only ever have our current experience of them - everything else is an interpretation, a judgment, or a prediction that may or may not come true.

When we apply mindfulness practice in daily life, we not only are more able to accept the discomfort of feeling like guilt, but we enable ourselves to cultivate positive feelings that ultimately lead us to a path of deep personal growth.

7. Don't Identify with Your Actions

Closely interlinked with the practice of mindfulness is the idea of detachment from action. This doesn’t mean shunning accountability or checking out of life in any way whatsoever! The problem is that we often identify ourselves with actions and emotions to the point that we make it difficult to appreciate the boundless qualities we possess, and with them - the potential for change.

When we strongly identify with actions or emotions, we are typically prone to black and white thinking about who we are. We fall into the trap of moral perfectionism, leading ourselves to believe that whatever we do or however we feel determines whether we're a “bad person” or a “good person” - with little tolerance for neutrality.

Isn’t the reality usually something in between? We are multi-faceted beings, shifting daily between roles, and ever-adapting to our environments. Our ‘average day’ never actually happens - it’s just the cumulative result of our ups, downs, and the many middling days where nothing extraordinary happens.

So next time you find yourself devoured by feelings of guilt, try to remember that we're all human beings and that your actions don't define your true nature.

8. Ask Yourself What’s (Really) Fuelling Your Guilt

Maybe you just don't even know the cause of your guilt. The next time you find yourself cycling through regret, guilt, shame, and blame, analyze the root causes of your feelings. Did you actually do something wrong?

Try to investigate what's really fueling this spiral of toxic emotions. It might be that you’re ashamed because you fall into the same traps again and again, and shame is actually fueling your guilt.

If your inner research comes up with zero results and you still don’t know why you feel guilty, it could be that you're blaming yourself for something you are truly not responsible for. You might be in a relationship with someone who gaslights you, and as a result, you doubt your intuition. Whatever the ultimate source of your guilt, take stock and open your mind to the fact that you may not have done anything wrong.

9. Learn to Let Go

If you like to be in control, you may feel guilty for things even when they are completely out of your control. How many times have you found yourself wondering "if I hadn't done this, that wouldn't have happened". This is especially true when it comes to the behavior of people around you. While it’s hard to argue with the idea that everyone is ultimately responsible for their own behavior, it’s common for control-loving people to blame themselves for the reactions of others when they are perceived as preventable.

Think: you never go out with friends on Fridays because your partner enjoys time alone with you then. One week, you decide to go out with friends anyway, and you have a great time - but your partner is disappointed. You feel guilty because you could have stayed home.

Instead of taking responsibility for others’ reactions, what we should try to do instead is to come to terms with the fact that we cannot always control what happens in our lives - including (and especially!) the behavior of other people.

Focus on letting go of what is out of your control. Find peace with the current state of things, and accept what comes up when you do.

What guilt is holding you back right now?